kwyser Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Hey ladies, I've got a question for you. How many of you are having trouble finding a guy? And if you are why is it hard for you? Is is just hard to find the "right" guy or is it hard to find any guys at all? The reason I'm asking these questions is because I am doing some research for a psychology presentation. Anyway I was just wondering what some of your input was on this. I would appreciate any feedback on the subject of finding guys in general. Thanks!
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 How many of you are having trouble finding a guy? And if you are why is it hard for you? Is is just hard to find the "right" guy or is it hard to find any guys at all? I was having trouble finding the right guy for a long time. I separated from H, and then got cancer a couple of years later. My boyfriend dumped me right before treatments. It was hard for me because when I was ready to date again after all of that, I was hitting the dating scene after losing both of my breasts and after having gained weight through the steroids the doctors pumped through me during treatments. I looked um... well, bad. I was also nearing forty, and have a kid. So many dating strikes it isn't even funny. According to typical 'guy rules' I was so far beyond the bottom of the barrel that you would have had to dig a few feet under the barrel to find me under there. I even had another internet board post one of my pictures just so they could make fun of what a 'monster' I was. (yes, I'm looking at you DonJuans - I'm not even a feminist that they usually mock - it was based entirely on my then unfortunate looks). Few guys were willing to look past that. It was hard to find any guy at all actually, except for a FWB that went terribly wrong. I did find someone though. A guy who had known me for nearly fifteen years, wanted to be with me for most of that time, and who could look past my physical deterioration and see the girl he always loved. I had no idea how he felt all that time. That is rare. Damned rare. I'm getting back in shape now, getting my looks back, my sex drive is through the roof and I'm feeling great. He is putting a ring on my finger this summer to make sure he keeps me (even though he doesn't have to - it is a trip that someone actually *wants* to marry me). He gets to reap the benefits of that. Screw the rest.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I don't have trouble finding men to date. I even find men that could be the "right" one. The trouble I have had is - 1. finding someone who has the same goals. It seems people go through different phases - just dating, serious but not marriage, marriage minded. You not only have to find someone who is "right" but then hope their objective is the same as yours. 2. Then there is the emotionally healthy aspect. I have fears but am willing to go "all in." Some men aren't. They are too recently divorced, were cheated on and too afraid of a repeat, were dumped and afraid of a repeat, etc. After reading some of the threads on LS, I feel very blessed for my dating experiences.
Zorie Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I have been divorced nearly 2 years now after a 9 yr relationship... I haven't had trouble finding men to date or even ones that want to date me. I'm honestly not very picky, I'm very openminded about many things, have many different interests... Met some very wonderful, sweet, smart, attractive men. Sometimes it's the usual "baggage" stuff or some men are out to play games (even in thier late 30's early 40's ugh!) but most of the time when I do meet someone genuine and sincere, the ONLY thing missing is the "Chemistry" It really gets to me and upsets me and sometimes when its not there from the start I will go out on several dates to see if anything develops... sadly It's not something you can create it's either there or it's not and personally I absolutely need that to develop a deep romantic connection with someone. After a few dates or a month or so I don't see any reason to waste anyone's time if theres nothing there progressing, and this has happened to me on both the giving and receiving end. I don't get it, especially when you meet someone you have tons in common with etc and want nothing more to connect with them in that way!
threebyfate Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 How many of you are having trouble finding a guy? And if you are why is it hard for you? Is is just hard to find the "right" guy or is it hard to find any guys at all?I did previously have trouble finding the right guy, although finding dates or relationships wasn't difficult. The reasons why it was so hard, was that I had residual trust issues from two prior relationships and also, that I'm picky as hell, due to foundational examples of what a healthy relationship is comprised of. Once I anchored to trusting my gut instincts (people picker) and lucked into a fantastic man, it's been smooth sailing since.
Knittress Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I'm cute enough that I could find A guy, but I'm also intelligent and independent and feel no need to spend time with people that bore me. I know there are a lot of awesome people out there, and I could possibly even find the RIGHT guy if I put half an ounce of effort into it.... buuuuuut, I've got a lot of projects going on and I want to move overseas in a year, so screw it. ... I worry I may regret this attitude once I hit the mid-30s, though.
aerogurl87 Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I don't have a hard time finding a guy to date, but usually when I was looking for one, all the guys I met were players. Then when I wasn't looking for anything serious was usually when I ended up with a boyfriend. This time around I was actually looking for someone and hopefully things will go well with him as they have been doing so far. Thing is though, he's pretty much the guy I swore I'd never date (younger than me, too tall, obsessed with cars, lives too far away.) And yet he's the only guy I've met so far where I actually wanted to be with him from the get go.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 It's easy to find a guy to date or have a relationship with. Finding a guy that you want to procreate and raise a family with is a totally different matter. I know of VERY FEW truly happy relationships, so I am very careful with my selection process, because I don't want to end up in one of those crappy relationships. I would rather be single and happy than coupled up and unhappy. And I know how to be happy on my own.
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