FryFish Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Why not just agree to secretly have an open marriage? You like hanging out with him. You dont want the stigma of divorce. You dont care to have any sex with him. In other words you have no real emotional investment in your marriage. Its all for show.
TheLoneSock Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 It was an arranged marriage. Neither one of us had much choice in the matter. I'm sorry to hear that, didn't know that part.
giotto Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 It was an arranged marriage. Neither one of us had much choice in the matter. we didn't know that, so I can only withdraw my comment...
BB07 Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 This was beautifully said Carhill I second that! I swear it is so disappointing to read some of the replies on here, so rude and very ignorant. Just file 13 (trash) them bellenocturna and I apologize that some on here are so thoughtless.
nddb Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I second that! I swear it is so disappointing to read some of the replies on here, so rude and very ignorant. Just file 13 (trash) them bellenocturna and I apologize that some on here are so thoughtless. Sometimes you got to call a spade a spade. She's not a child, and there are two people involved, both hurting. Her husband didn't know about this problem (arranged marriage), so he walks into a situation that grenaded on him. Is it fair that he spends the rest of his life suffering? Not like he was in love with her and make the choice willingly and consented to it (again, arranged marriage). Two victims here.
Author bellenocturna Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 . OP, what do you want here? Concurrently, what do you feel is right and healthy? I'm not sure what I want. In a perfect world, I would want him to keep his hands to himself until I feel comfortable enough with him to want sex.
silverfish Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 (edited) I'm not sure what I want. In a perfect world, I would want him to keep his hands to himself until I feel comfortable enough with him to want sex. edit : Sorry, just deleted my last post as I obviously I didn't read your first post properly. Do you feel at all comfortable with him intimitely eg hugging, kissing, cuddling? Do you find him attractive? If so, could you tell him this but explain that it makes you very uncomfortable when he grabs you sexually, without you reciprocating (if that's what happens) Edited February 27, 2010 by silverfish
Barky Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I think it's very unwise to share advice with people who come from completely different cultures. What's considered normal and healthy for you might subject them to caning or stoning where they're from.
alphamale Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 When I get really angry about it, I want to punish him by not having sex with him and hope that he cheats so I'll have a reason to divorce him. so you don't want sex with him and you don't want him to have sex with anyone else either? is that it?
Golfilla Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 And for those saying I need to just divorce him and let him go on his merry way, I can't. I am Hindu, and not having sex is not a valid reason to get divorced. You're not divorcing him over "not having sex", you're divorcing him because you and him are totally incompatable.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 You're not divorcing him over "not having sex", you're divorcing him because you and him are totally incompatable. In their culture, that is not a valid reason either, unfortunately.
Jeff1962 Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Hello, I'm new here, and looking for advice. I've been married almost 2 years now. I've never really been interested sex. I was sexually abused as a child, and now as an adult, I don't want to be touched in a sexual way. My husband knows I was sexually abused, and knows I still have issues about it, but it doesn't stop him from grabbing my breasts or putting his hands between my legs, trying to turn me on. All it does is make me mad because I feel pressured to do something I don't want to do. We have sex every couple of weeks, but I don't enjoy it, and I wish he'd just stop trying and stop touching me. But then he gets mad because I turn him down so much. We fight all the time about it. I don't really care that it's not fair to him to not have sex. When I get really angry about it, I want to punish him by not having sex with him and hope that he cheats so I'll have a reason to divorce him. I know people will probably tell me to seek therapy, but I have been in therapy off and on since I was 5, and it's not helped. I mean no harm but I call troll.
Author bellenocturna Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 I mean no harm but I call troll. Why is that?
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