meander Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Just to warn you, this may be a long story. But it's kind of necessary. I'm 21 right now, but my story goes back to when I was 14. I had a major crush on Bill. According to my friends he had a crush on me too. However, my friend Mary met him first and they we're already talking, so I tried to keep our relationship platonic. We always got along extremely well. Being clueless in relationships, my only way of flirting was playing matchmaker. So I pushed Bill towards Mary because I didn't think he'd ever be interested in me and Mary met him first. She was obsessed with him. However they broke up and he never really went out of his way for me, thus I assume he didn't like me. At 16, I ended up pushing him to another girl, Jill, who thought he was cute. He eventually told me he liked me by giving me candy. But stupid me, I guess I tested him by pushing him to talk to her, because every time I was with him I would blush like crazy and wouldn't know what to say. So I questioned him about her to try and act normal. So he ended up dating her. I was happy for him, even though I was crushed. Knowing it was my own stupid fault I vowed I'd stay out of this endless cycle of almost getting together and not getting together. A year later they broke up and on New Years Eve, he told me he liked me. I was astonished. But in my mind, I didn't like him anymore because I didn't know him anymore. He had drifted away from me when he dated her. So, I didn't say anything. He eventually got tired of waiting for me to tell him whether or not I liked him and got back with Jill. And we drifted apart again. He went to college in LA. We talked like once a year and we kind of talked about the past but it was like closure. However, I got my first real boyfriend at 18 and for two years in a long distance relationship it worked (I was in Santa Cruz for school). Then out of the blue Bill calls me to tell me he and Jill broke up again. Then just my luck my boyfriend wanted a break, but Bill and Jill got back together. And I eventually got back together with my boyfriend. At 21, last September, my boyfriend and I were on the verge of breaking up. And then Bill called me out of blue after avoiding me for a year. He and Jill broke up earlier that year. Unfortunately, the spark was still there, no matter how much I fight it. We have great chemistry. I ended with my boyfriend because he neglected me and prioritized all his friends and family before me at all the times and was never emotionally dependable. Bill and I talked and eventually admitted he liked me. However he made me aware that he didn't want a relationship. I just got out of one, so I agreed. When we saw each other again, we ended up intoxicated and ended up fooling around. And the chemistry was amazing again. However we pushed each other away because we weren't ready for a relationship, but couldn't bear to lose each other as friends. My ex wanted to work it out so I tried. Bill and I stopped talking for a while. I told my ex it just won't work because i still hated in for treating me so badly. Me and Bill ended up fooling around again, but this time he and his ex are trying to work it out. Now, I'm stuck on Bill. I try not to think about him by occupying myself with other things, but it's only a temporary fix. It's like he seeps in my brain. I want him so bad and I don't want him. I wouldn't dare break up whatever he has with Jill. I've been told that maybe we're meant to be together, it's just not the right time. I don't really believe that, but sometimes it feels like it. I know that i shouldn't care, but the chemistry is so great it scares me. I try and try to avoid him, cut him off, but somehow we keep coming back together. Even with him in LA and me in Santa Cruz, we still have just this weird mind-riveting chemistry. Urgh, I don't know what to do. I can't exactly run away, we don't even live near each other. And i keep wondering if we could be good. Please tell me what you think.
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