Perhaps Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 BEFORE you flame me, listen to what I have to say... Yes, begging and pleading will vaporize your self esteem and your attractiveness in your ex's eyes.. but sometimes, begging, crying and pleading lets you know that you tried your best - that you gave it your all to make him/her stay and that despite your best efforts, that person still left... you might hate yourself for doing it at first, but eventually, as you come to accept everything, I think it fills up any cracks in your self esteem that would otherwise be filled with guilt and regret. Plus, I think crying and such makes the other person realize that you really did try your best - they might not admit it due to pride or they may not even realize it, but at the end of day, it's a tool to help you accept that you did your best, but it's over - and strangely, it may help you heal faster. I'm not advocating any begging, or crying or anything like that... but i want to know... what do you guys and gals think? Does anyone get what I'm trying to say?
D-Lish Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 It's best to do the begging and pleading and crying in the mirror. There is no dignity to be found in begging.
sugarmomma Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I agree with the above. My xh used to beg, plead and cry (actual tears) and it just caused him to have less and less dignity and me to have less and less respect for him. I think a person can express their desire to try and work things out in a dignified way and then just let it go. You don't want to lose your dignity and self respect for anyone. Love is a gift that should be freely given and freely received.
USMCHokie Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Yes, begging and pleading will vaporize your self esteem and your attractiveness in your ex's eyes.. but sometimes, begging, crying and pleading lets you know that you tried your best - that you gave it your all to make him/her stay and that despite your best efforts, that person still left... you might hate yourself for doing it at first, but eventually, as you come to accept everything, I think it fills up any cracks in your self esteem that would otherwise be filled with guilt and regret. Plus, I think crying and such makes the other person realize that you really did try your best - they might not admit it due to pride or they may not even realize it, but at the end of day, it's a tool to help you accept that you did your best, but it's over - and strangely, it may help you heal faster. I'm not advocating any begging, or crying or anything like that... but i want to know... what do you guys and gals think? Does anyone get what I'm trying to say? I bolded those two phrases in your post...try your best...I agree in part that it's more fulfilling in the end to know that you did try your best...but the problem with your approach is that your "best" has to be directed AT YOU...not at your ex...remember, what you think and how you feel is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT when it comes to getting someone back... That being said, I agree that knowing you did "your best" is helpful in moving on, but "your best" should be directed at making your life more complete without your ex in the picture...doing things like NC, exercising, socializing with friends, advancing your own education and/or career, etc... "Your best" is definitely NOT crying, begging, and pleading...
bananaboat11 Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I bolded those two phrases in your post...try your best...I agree in part that it's more fulfilling in the end to know that you did try your best...but the problem with your approach is that your "best" has to be directed AT YOU...not at your ex...remember, what you think and how you feel is COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT when it comes to getting someone back... That being said, I agree that knowing you did "your best" is helpful in moving on, but "your best" should be directed at making your life more complete without your ex in the picture...doing things like NC, exercising, socializing with friends, advancing your own education and/or career, etc... "Your best" is definitely NOT crying, begging, and pleading... I will agree. It does get easier. FRiends, NC, LS, the gym, music, good people, and academics helped tremendously... now I've been set up WIth someone new and I'm honestly happy... I do not think much about my ex.. thanks to said above and KC & Erica
Chi NZ Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I think that the begging and pleading at the very start of the breakup is natural, just do it once or twice to get it out of your system and thats all that needs to be done. They have heard you, what you have said and hear your feelings. Then the time for doing that stops. +BEFORE you flame me, listen to what I have to say... Yes, begging and pleading will vaporize your self esteem and your attractiveness in your ex's eyes.. but sometimes, begging, crying and pleading lets you know that you tried your best - that you gave it your all to make him/her stay and that despite your best efforts, that person still left... you might hate yourself for doing it at first, but eventually, as you come to accept everything, I think it fills up any cracks in your self esteem that would otherwise be filled with guilt and regret. Plus, I think crying and such makes the other person realize that you really did try your best - they might not admit it due to pride or they may not even realize it, but at the end of day, it's a tool to help you accept that you did your best, but it's over - and strangely, it may help you heal faster. I'm not advocating any begging, or crying or anything like that... but i want to know... what do you guys and gals think? Does anyone get what I'm trying to say?
sedgwick Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Honestly, I'd give anything to have just let him walk away and never spoken to him again. Remembering how I let him see me break down just makes me cringe.
Ilovecake Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 BEFORE you flame me, listen to what I have to say... Yes, begging and pleading will vaporize your self esteem and your attractiveness in your ex's eyes.. but sometimes, begging, crying and pleading lets you know that you tried your best - that you gave it your all to make him/her stay and that despite your best efforts, that person still left... you might hate yourself for doing it at first, but eventually, as you come to accept everything, I think it fills up any cracks in your self esteem that would otherwise be filled with guilt and regret. Plus, I think crying and such makes the other person realize that you really did try your best - they might not admit it due to pride or they may not even realize it, but at the end of day, it's a tool to help you accept that you did your best, but it's over - and strangely, it may help you heal faster. I'm not advocating any begging, or crying or anything like that... but i want to know... what do you guys and gals think? Does anyone get what I'm trying to say? Nope I don't agree a bit nor do I really get it. Maybe that's what you got from it but as far as I'm concerned I have way too much pride to beg and plead. If someone tells me they don't want to be with me I take their word for it, no begging and crying will change their mind nor would I want to be with someone just because they feel sorry for me. I would never stoop so low as to beg anyone to like me. What's the use it only drives them further away and makes the person begging and crying lose all self respect. I think a mature, adult discussion without all the drama is a better way to go.
mmk1 Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I tried the begging, pleading the last time I my ex broke up with me. It got me nowhere and I just felt like a idiot. I too would have love to have that opportunity back to not engage in that behavior. I believe the best thing is one final dignified conversation where you clearly state you want to reconcile. If the answer is no, accept it with dignity, thank her for being honest and wish her well. Then, NC all the way. By doing this, you will get the same results as begging and pleading, feel much better about yourself and begin moving on with your life quicker. Good luck!
Author Perhaps Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 I think that the begging and pleading at the very start of the breakup is natural, just do it once or twice to get it out of your system and thats all that needs to be done. They have heard you, what you have said and hear your feelings. Then the time for doing that stops. + Pretty much my point... I agree that your best isn't crying or begging... desperation surfaces rather quickly during a breakup... but I think it's a necessary evil that convinces both parties over time that the dumpee tried.
Author Perhaps Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 Pretty much my point... I agree that your best isn't crying or begging... but I think it's a necessary evil that convinces both parties over time that the dumpee tried. mmk1, you're right... one last attempt to calmly ask to reconcile would be the best option... but I think it's one of those "should be" things that never really happen because desperation surfaces rather quickly during a breakup.
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