portdrinker Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 this was the most hurtful thing i've read in awhile. he claims that i'm one of his best friends and this is what he sends me...(see below) From the instant we got together, I've thoroughly enjoyed the time I spend with you. We laugh and talk and joke and it's always been a pleasure. Coffee Sundays petering out was more a function of football season than me losing enthusiasm for hanging out with you; I freely admit I'm selfish with my time during football season, as I candidly admitted up front. For what it's worth, you've been totally wonderful and understanding about it, and I could have compromised my time better than I did. We can't control with whom, when, and how we fall in love. It's not calculus. There's no one-size-fits-all prescription, and God knows you can't force it. It's just something that happens, and because I didn't fall in love with you does not mean you are less to me. I regret that I took you at your word when you talked down romantic love when we first got together. I should have known better. It hadn't occurred to me that your feelings for me were of a different nature than mine were for you until very recently, which is what got me thinking this last week or two and culminated in our talk on Sunday. I promise you I haven't been harboring secret doubts and I never, everintended to string you a long. I just got very comfortable with the status quo, which to me was affable and easy to maintain. Oh, and don't for a second think I'm not attracted to you. I believe our sex life all the way up to the end pretty much speaks for itself. I will certainlymiss the hot ****in'.You're a lovely, sexy, funny, intelligent, amazing woman, and if I've put you off love or relationships in any way then I owe some poor fellow a humble apology. We will continue to be friends. For that I am excited and relieved. But I harbor no illusions that it will take some time for you (and I for that matter) to be completely comfortable with the new arrangement. So let's take it slow and handle one another carefully in this time of transition.
counterman Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 The email is pretty clear. To save himself from feeling guilt, he sends you this email basically trying to justify why your relationship ended like it did. He didn't feel the same way about you and what partly kept him in the relationship was sex; he was never that into you romantically. He is using his words to try to make it easier for you but it wouldn't help because words are just words and you guys are still not together. Once you break-up with someone, I do not think it is a good idea to say you're still attracted to them and the sex was good; he's just making a very sad attempt to comfort you. I'm guessing it isn't working. He wants to continue to be friends after all this has happened? I don't think it is a good idea at all. It seems as though he shows no guilt, sadness or remorse for whatever happened. I am sorry that this happened to you and I can probably share a little part of the the hurt you feel and the confusion too. You do deserve better than this and I recommend you not to contact him anymore. Don't reply to his email, it will just make him feel better about himself. Take some time away from all this and try to do something that you will enjoy.
Author portdrinker Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 ok. i thought i was overreacting when i read this. i amhurt that it took him over eight months to tell me this and only make me wonder what i did to drive him away. he told me i was a great girlfriend because i was the second longest relationship he has had. but at the same time, i can't be mad or blame him for it because it would be unfair to expect someone to requite the romantic feelings.
counterman Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I think before 8 months he would know whether his feels was romantic or not, especially if he's been in relationships before. You are a great person but you would rather be with someone who feels the same about you that you feel about him, someone who really wants to be with you. When you establish a relationship, you expect the other person to feel the same about you or else why would they be in the relationship with you? It is taken as a given that the other person reciprocates the love that you feel for them, if he/she feels that way about you. In saying that, feelings sometimes do change over time. Now you know how he really feels about you. Knowing that allows you to move on and not linger over what could be more. It is okay to be mad. If that's what you're feeling, don't suppress it but let it out. You can write it out or, what I like to do, box it out. If you still have some things to get off your chest, maybe write how you feel in a response to that email but DON'T send it.
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