spriggig Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 A simple way to maintain BALANCE of desire in a loving relationship To make this work you need to be honest with yourself about your feelings regarding neediness, complacency, desire and contentment. This is a technique I developed and it works if you practice it openly and honestly with each other. When you feel especially needy, wear pink or red. When you feel especially distant wear blue. Keep one or two specific pieces and be sure your SO knows them on sight. A particular pair of distinctive, baggy blue jeans or a tight, printed red t-shirt for him. A short, pink skirt or a frumpy blue sweatshirt for her. When you see your SO wearing pink or red, be extra attentive and kind to them. When you see your SO wearing blue, stay away from them. If you are wearing one color and she is wearing the other, one of you MUST take off the color and do it's opposite. Let's say you both refuse to change your color. In this case it's the man's job to MAN UP and make the change. This technique is about ACTION, not talking. Don't get into an argument over this, follow the rules. Men, MAN UP. If you are wearing blue and she is wearing red, you take off the blue and move in for some loving--force yourself to do your duty and it will be OK. GET OVER YOURSELF, THIS IS IMPORTANT If you are wearing red and she is wearing blue, take off the red and stay away from her, get out of the house for as long as you can, even overnight. Wait for her to call you--force yourself to do it for the sake of your love for her. AGAIN, GET OVER YOURSELF, THIS IS IMPORTANT If you're feeling extra attracted to your mate or desirous, wear red. If you're angry or even just complacent and content, wear blue. Contentment and complacency destroys marriages as sure as cheating will so you must advertise this feeling--this is most important. Maybe you had sex for the past three nights in a row (we can hope:bunny:) and you feel satisfied. Wear your normal clothes. But if you see your SO still wearing red, get ready to put out some more, or put on blue to signal your lack of interest. They'll get the signal and make do on their own for a while. Let's say your SO is wearing red and you're wearing normal. BUT, your SO is acting a bit distant--sending mixed signals. TRUST THE COLOR and make cautious advances. Because you both know and follow the rules, it's OK to mention "I see you're wearing red today." That is probably all it will take to break the ice. Just press a little and she will open up. You might be misinterpreting her actions, trust the color. Why this works so well Desire and complacency is something that we can find hard to talk about or simply not think to bring it up in everyday conversation. Putting on a blue shirt in the morning advertises your mood all day long, you don't have to remember to bring it up and there is no awkwardness involved. When both of you form the habit of actively, explicitly displaying your extraordinary moods in your choice of clothes, you are BOTH making a minimal effort for maximum impact. Putting on a red shirt in the morning is simple--the effect it will have on your mate can be extreme. Get ready to be tackled. Because, although she may not be wearing red that day, maybe she thought about it and wasn't quite ready. By evening she may have wished she wore red, and lo and behold, YOU are wearing red! Kaboom goes the dynamite! If you feel that everything is OK, but maybe a little too "quiet" for what is normal, take the plunge and wear blue that day. Your mate knows the rules and knows that sometimes blue is what is needed. She won't be put off and will understand that you are feeling more than a little complacent, perhaps heading toward distant. It's time to take a break and let desire grow. Also, YOU know you're feeling distant and so, in addition to wearing blue, make an effort to move closer to your mate. As she gets mixed signals, she'll trust the color and move away from you which will open your eyes a bit and prompt you to move even closer. She'll be pulling you back into balance with her without either of you fully realizing it. Be sure to take off the blue when you feel normal attraction again, which can happen suddenly. When you first try this, you might find yourself comically switching from blue to red and back again in one day. Remember this is about BALANCE--like the two of you standing on a seesaw. It takes practice to find the BALANCE between desire, neediness, contentment and complacency. Stick with it and you'll get better at it. As long as you both know the rules and take a minute each day to evaluate your own feelings, this will make keeping the balance easy and intuitive. It will become second nature in time and you may not even need the colors anymore, that would be the goal at least--but stick with whatever works.
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