dazzler Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 This thread is not about my break up but let me explain a little. After spending over three years with my girlfriend she decided that it was time to end. She told me that her feelings had changed and that although she still loves me she is no longer in love with me. First of all it was a NC break but neither of us could stop getting in touch with eachother. Then after a while she split. This was six weeks ago. In them six weeks I have done everything I can in my powers to win her back. I know that this would never work and just push her away. Ive always known that I just didnt want to believe it. Before I met her I was depressed (suicidal depressed) and had been for years. Nobody could bring me out of my depression no matter how hard they tried. My ex brought me out of it that first night we spent together. None of my other relationships did anything like that for me so there definately was something special about this girl (by the way im 23 and she is 28). My question is this, over the past few weeks I have said a lot of hurtful things to her, made her worry about me taking my own life, threatening to harm myself because I couldnt live without her, sending stupid letters and e-mails explaining why we should still be together. Now I am not nowhere near over her but I am past all this stupidness to try and win her back because it is a waste of both our times. I am still very much in love with her and dont think I would want to be with anybody else because nobody could replace her. Sounds corny but I have my reasons. Now I have been reading a lot on this site about NC situations and not seeing them anymore if you still have feelings but I think my situation is different. I know 100% that she is not seeing someone else and has never cheated on me. Also in these past six weeks when everything I have said and done should of pushed her away but she got closer. She tried everything she could to lift my spirits without leading me to think that she is gonna get back with me and even though she left me she is the only person who as been able to help me get over her leaving me. Now this woman is not only been my partner for the past three years but she has also been my best friend like I have been hers. I can fully understand the fact that feelings change and people fall out of love but that doesnt mean we should not beable to be friends if not best friends. Like I said before, I will always want this relationship to have a second chance because I feel we have unfinished business but surely remaining close friends would not jeoperdise us maybe one day starting where we left off would it? What do you think?
jerrytodd Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Dazzler, I would be very concerned about giving any advice to someone who is suicidal. In any event I am so sorry about the relationship status and how you are feeling. Perhaps you could see someone professionally to discuss how you feel?
GrayClouds Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Dazzler, very sorry for your loss. You shouldbe proud that you have start the first steps to move on. Though as long as you have feeling for her you can not continue the process and likely hurt you more in the future. You may want to be friends but I true doubt that you will want to be around if she finds someone new. No matter how strong you are see the EX happy with another is to much for any of us, specially if we have feeling for them. You need to be kind to yourself. I understand you desire to stay connected to someone who meant a great deal to you and was helpful lifting you from a dark place. Understand though she may have helped you find your way out of that dark place but it was you that found your way out. But staying connected does not give either one of you the space to heal and without that space the hurt will continue to linger. It is time to focus on yourself. Part of the predispostion to depression is a desire to hold on to the hurt, it is something that feel familiar, and when life is changing familiar feel safe. But it makes it even more important that you push yourself to move on adn let go. You need to go NC to heal. Along with NC you need to push yourself to take care of yourself. Think about finding a perforessional to work with to help you through the grief, start exercising; the enorpines help with the depression and helps clear the mind, make sure you eat well and regular, find your support be it friends and family. Be greatful she came into your life to show you life is full of surprises, that you are a person of great depth, and worthy of love. You can do that by gving her space to heal and by moving on with your own life so you can be ready for life next wonder surprise. Again be kind to yourself, I wish you well.
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