why can't he just see for himself what a jerk he is?

[Not the love ace]

thats an issue because some of my friends are close with him and they want him around. unfortunately i can't stop that even though some of my other friends try to keep him out the equasion. i would like to keep him from being in my life because he doesn't deserve to be but it'll be unfair to tell other friends to stop hanging with him. i will try and talk them out of hanging with him but i don't know how well that'll go even though i'm confident i can find a way.

 

I began to believe you had some sense with the statements in bold. Then-not surprisingly-you totally thew the selfish hammer around. If he is mutual friends with your other friends and they enjoy his company, you have to learn and deal with it and like everyone has repeated; GROW UP. He isn't trying to prevent you from being around him so you shouldn't try and prevent him from being around you and trying to talk to everyone about keeping him out is really ridiculous and, um, SELFISH.

 

Leave the guy alone, grow up, and move on. He's not your ex, former lover, or someone who used to be your significant other. Drop it already, you're taking things way beyond context.

[shadowplay]

No one has any business judging the way he chooses to live his lifestyle. As long as it isn't something dangerous (abusing drugs, alcohol, violence, etc), than it is no ones place to say anything.

 

 

 

You haven't figured that out yet? Ok, i'll tell you.

 

He isn't attracted to you! There really isn't anything else to say about that. You can't be mad at him for sleeping with girls and not sleeping with you. That's absolutely absurd!

 

 

 

Oh hun, having a child has absolutely nothing to do with maturity. I have 5 friends with children, and only one of them comes close to being mature.

 

Experiences also have nothing to do with maturity. It's what you learn from those experiences and how you use them. Also, how you handle situations. (Such as this one).

 

 

 

No no, your best friend should know better. That's all on your best friend, not on him. He's made it very clear that he has no interest in you, what he does with his body is all up to him. What your friends decide to do with him, however, will show how great of friends you have.

 

I partially disagree with you. I think both the OP and her friend are being immature and disrespectful to each other, but the OP more so.

 

The OP is putting some unfair demands on her friend, like the fact that he can't bring his girlfriend around when she's there. She also shouldn't be interrogating him about who he's been with. She seems to feel entitled to girlfriend treatment despite the fact that he's made it explicit many times that he has no romantic feelings for her. In reality, she shouldn't be friends with him at all because it's obvious she can't handle it.

 

That said, it sounds like there is some merit to her reaction in certain cases. He seems to be flaunting his attraction to other girls in her face. If I had a friend who liked me but I didn't feel the same way about, I would try to be at least somewhat sensitive to his feelings by not talking about who I've messed around with to him.

Edited February 27, 2010 by shadowplay

[shadowplay]

Anyone know the fairytale called "Three Billy Goats Gruff". I would apply it to this thread.

 

OP, you should read it and consider it an analogy to your situation. Good luck!

 

Could you explain? I just read the story, and I'm not entirely sure how it applies to the OP's situation. I can think of a few possible connections, but they all seem kind of loose.

[Ronni_W]

i think you guys need to stand for your feelings more.

In your situation, it's not about honouring your own feelings and desires...it's about accepting and respecting OTHER people's feelings and desires.

 

You're expecting/demanding him to ignore and deny his own feelings, desires and right to do what makes HIM happy just so that you can have (delusional) happiness.

 

Nobody but nobody is obligated to conform their beliefs, thoughts, words or actions just because it suits what YOUR feelings dictate and demand of them. Put another way, you are not entitled to have your feelings and desires satisfied at the expense of other people's feelings and desires.

 

If you really do want to honour your feelings, I would encourage you to explore them further so that you can uncover the underlying misguided/faulty beliefs that are creating those feelings that are leading you to feel unhappy, disrespected, etc.

They are YOUR feelings...your bitterness, feeling disrespected, etc., is coming from the inside. It's got nothing to do with what the guy is doing or your girlfriends are saying.

[dgiirl]

It you truly do love him, you would want him to be happy. You would be happy that he has a girlfriend and that he has found happiness. And you would be honored that he wants his friends to know her and you would show her and them respect.

 

Instead, you are dictating to him where he can and cannot bring his girlfriend and you are dictating to him what he can do with his girlfriend. YOU are not being a friend to him.

 

Either you want a friendship with him and that includes respecting his romantic relationships OR you stop being friends with him and move on to another guy.

 

Also trying to dictate to your other friends to NOT be friends with this guy is incredibly selfish. If I was your friend, I would ditch you in a heart beat.

[Not the love ace]

That said, it sounds like there is some merit to her reaction in certain cases. He seems to be flaunting his attraction to other girls in her face. If I had a friend who liked me but I didn't feel the same way about, I would try to be at least somewhat sensitive to his feelings by not talking about who I've messed around with to him.

 

I don't know if you missed one post of hers where she states she slept with a guy while he was present and she said it was okay for her. So it isn't okay for this guy to simply mess and flirt with whomever he wants in front of her? In my opinion this guy doesn't need to be considerate or apologetic, unless he flirted with a girl then teased her about it.

 

I'm sure if he flirted it wasn't on person, why would it be? I'll assume he has no reason to get the girl jealous or be vindictive. She clearly just needs to get a hold of herself.

[twhisperer]

This doesnt sound like a situation where the two of you were friends for years and then one of you developed romantic feelings. From what youve said, it was one-sided from day one? Having said that, after he learned how you felt towards him, it would have been better the two of you did not talk and/or hang out.

 

I don't think you can build a true friendship, when it starts off one-sided, as it did in this instance.

 

Learn how to cope and adjust as best you can, so that you can overcome it. If he is with someone else, and it bothers you to witness it, then you should not want to be anywhere near it, for your own well being.

[branching butterfly]

This doesnt sound like a situation where the two of you were friends for years and then one of you developed romantic feelings. From what youve said, it was one-sided from day one? Having said that, after he learned how you felt towards him, it would have been better the two of you did not talk and/or hang out.

 

I don't think you can build a true friendship, when it starts off one-sided, as it did in this instance.

Learn how to cope and adjust as best you can, so that you can overcome it. If he is with someone else, and it bothers you to witness it, then you should not want to be anywhere near it, for your own well being.

 

its really hard to do that when we have the same circle of friends and i came to the conclusion that it would be a little messed up for me to try and stop anyone else from hanging out with him. but as mostly my friend i think they should be considerate and not bother with him as i feel they understand me more.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

why can't he just see for himself what a jerk he is?

 

(looks around, curiously ) ... because he is a jerk, obviously.