Is she a good friend? Or she is just one of those hypocrite?

[Winky25]

I have known Nan for more than 10 years. She is a great person but she has a really strong personal opinion. She is also 3 years older than me and she is married recently moved to another State.

 

I have always go to her for personal advice. I felt like she is one of my very close friends. For the past 5 years, my love life have gives me a lot of headaches and unhappy moments. However, I meet my fiancé a little over 1 year ago and 4 months and we were engaged on our first year anniversary. Things are a bit rocky when I was start dating him but now things are good

 

For the past 1 year, I complain to my friend Nan that my fiancé immediate family has some weird diseases so I can’t risk having children. He was unemployed for a while due to the economy he went to graduate school but it was just hard because we just start dating. Then I start complaining how his ex gf is still friends with his relative and they have a lot of mutual friends so she will never be out of the picture. Although, my fiancé doesn’t talk to her or see/hangout her ever since we start dating exclusively but she will always be in the picture because she is a family friends. I am a minority and it’s hard to meet new friends because our community is small in the State. I have friends to hang out with but I am not a popular person.

 

My friend then accused me for being weak because I wouldn’t made a decision to move out of the State I lived in like she did so I don’t have to deal with the situation I am in. She yelled at me saying things like “You’re the type of person who complains a lot about your situation but you’ll never take action to change it because, you’re not that type of person who can move somewhere else and start a new life. You will always complain about this and eventually you’ll accept everything but this is not a good way to approach your problems.” I felt really hurt after she said that. For the past few years, whenever I talk to her about my problems, she always tells me this. I hate to feel this way.

 

Am I just complaining too much or she is not being understanding? She always criticizes other people judging people lives but why is she judging me? Do you think she realized it? Should I keep her as a good friend?

 

I am tired to be lecture when I complains about myself…..

[carhill]

A sincere question to ask is ........ is this friend a true friend or your unpaid therapist? I've been in that role a number of times in my life, for both men and women and, absent clear balance, it's a life-sucker, especially if the 'sharing' is predominantly negative. With women, it's called being an emotional tampon.

 

Her responses sound a lot like mine did when I had reached my capacity and communicated it in an unhealthy way.

 

Perhaps others will have different opinions. I'd say go visit her at her location and talk through this, letting her know how you feel. Your actions would say you value the friendship (by visiting) and your words would express how you view it.

[Winky25]

Hi...Thanks for your insights and advices.

 

A sincere question to ask is ........ is this friend a true friend or your unpaid therapist? I've been in that role a number of times in my life, for both men and women and, absent clear balance, it's a life-sucker, especially if the 'sharing' is predominantly negative. With women, it's called being an emotional tampon.

 

Her responses sound a lot like mine did when I had reached my capacity and communicated it in an unhealthy way.

 

Perhaps others will have different opinions. I'd say go visit her at her location and talk through this, letting her know how you feel. Your actions would say you value the friendship (by visiting) and your words would express how you view it.

[sunrae]

I have a friend who says she is asking for my advice, but I have learned she doesnt really listen to what I have to say, is is just really complaining.

When she calls I feel like banging my head on the wall, rather than give her advice because she doesnt listen (maybe thats how your friend feels)

 

There is a differance in complaining and wanting advice.

[threebyfate]

I agree with carhill. It sucks to be an unpaid therapist. Been there many a time and it`s more a situation of, what have you done for me right now.

 

People try to help others who they care about. This includes kicking them in the arse, if they can`t get motivated.

 

And yet, there also has to be an element of respect. If someone is constantly telling you you`re always wrong, they`re leveraging off of you, since no one is always right or wrong.

 

Friendships are like romantic relationships, whereby there has to be a balance. You get what you give.