kyta Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 (edited) Ah where to start, i dont post much on her this time as i did with my other ex, but today i feel the need to, i havnt said much about my situation either, but to be honest, for the last 13 wks i have been in contact with my ex, we have had all of 2 periods of not talking, first was after an argument and lasted 7 days, the 2nd was for 5 days, apart from that everyday we have tx or spoke. after the 5 day period of not talking she dont tx or phone as much, she says because of the last argument caused her to argue with her x who she is back with, she tells me she doesnt want to be with him, yet she keeps going back to him, i sent her a tx the other day, i asked her tell me u dont love me, tell me you dont want me, tell me you got what you want? she sent a tx back saying i cant! she tells me she hasnt had sex with him as he cant get an erection because of his heroin addiction, wich i know is probably true, as the last time they split up he cauldnt do it and he was only smoking it, now he is jacking up. What i dont get is why is it getting harder for me as time goes on? when we first split up i was ok'ish but now its starting to kill me, she just phoned me, and i tell her everything, i tell her i still love her, i miss her, it kills me, i dont hold back and tell her the truth of how i feel, in tx she talkes to me about having babies we talked about, she talkes about all our plans we made, all the things we did, all the things we didnt do and she wants to do, then when i ask her if we can fix it she says to me, why do i do this to her! am i going mad or missing something, ive started crying daily, i cant eat or sleep properly, i cant get her out my head! she tells me shes not happy, yet i know i should stop talking to her, i know she treat me like a fool and probably get her ego boost from talking to me, i know all the thing i should do, yet i hold on to the pain daily, if some one else told me that they were going through what i am, id tell them to get rid, shes not worth it, shes almost cruel the way she is, yet i love an miss her, and dont know why, i wait for her tx's everyday, we tx about 20 to 30 times most days, we speak a few times a week, since are last argument we dont spk or see each other much, which is about 2 wks, i long for her all the time. im sorry this is long and badly writen, but i need to get it out, she told me 2 months ago to go for a ride on my bike rap it up and die, yet thats all i started thinking about, just one last ride to make her wish come true, then i can be with the rest of my family, i dont have any family left, i dont see my kids much as they have grown up and moved away, mum dad brother all died in the last few years, i have a cpl close friends, but there in relationships so i dont see them much, i sit in my flat day in day out doing nothing much but think, i read the posts on here and so many are similar or the same, and as i read it hurts me more, and have to close the page, only to come back later to read more, why is life so much pain! Sorry all for this again just need to get it off my chest, befor i do something stupid. Edited February 25, 2010 by kyta
GrayClouds Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Man, it sucks and hurts. Though you have to take care of yourself. She is messing with your head and your the one pay for it. If she did not want to be with him she would not be. Please hear that, if she did not want to be with him she would not be. He is addicted to the drug and she is addicted to the drama. Keeping you around with the talks and messaging adds to the drama. Your just feed the addiction. This is not love for you this is love for the drama. And it is not healthy. Just look at yourself,it has you thinking terrible things, love does not do that. Your sacrificing yourself for her addiction. It is time to stop. It is time to take control of your life. You have to focus on yourself, be strong and go NC. Read the follow links and do ALL that they say: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? Good luck.
Odyssey Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 OP...I know this is very hard for you, but I strongly encourage you to go NC, 'cause the more you know about your ex, the more you will hurt. You're neglecting yourself and focusing on her. It doesn't have to be this way...the pain can stop and in time you will heal...but only if you choose to.
Author kyta Posted February 25, 2010 Author Posted February 25, 2010 ive read the nc and secound chance threads time and again over the years, yes it all makes sence, and i know i should follow them, everyone tell me shes no good for me, that im just hanging on a string, that she know im there on a plate for her, yet its allmost like i have nothing else in my life, each day just seems to get worse not better, 3 months on and im worse now than i was then! it just seems easier to go to sleep and not wake up! life just doesnt seem like its worth the hassles, its not just her, its everything in it, is there a heaven or anything after? rite now id rather nothing! ive gone through my past posts and i give it the i dont care, and back then i didnt, now its worse than ever, the lonely ness just sits in me day in day out! and the mad thing is know what i must do to stop this! where my gaurdian angle?
Odyssey Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Dude it's no good giving up! My advice is to start living your life as a person of character who wants to do the right thing, and in fact, does it! Work on yourself so that you are healthy - work out and exercise, eat well, sleep well, and work well. Keep your social life active. Keep good friends who also have good character and values. Eventually by doing this you will be confident that you are the type of man who deserves a great girlfriend, if your ex sees this, and believes this change, then perhaps they will become interested in you again. But if not, someone else will. I promise you that. It is down to you. No one else can really help you. You'll have to help yourself.
Author kyta Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 [quote=Odyssey;2675244 if your ex sees this, and believes this change, then perhaps they will become interested in you again. It is down to you. No one else can really help you. You'll have to help yourself. im tireed of trying, i dont want another gf enough is enough, im just tired of it all, its all for nothing, we are born alone and we all die alone, inbetween doesnt really matter at the end, i knoow i should think of myself, but i cant, i mean nothing to me, i only care for other ppl, and no one cares back, its sad but thats just life.
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