LostInLimbo Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 (edited) I am into my many times being kicked to the curb, by the same person, the difference this time, I just recently found out, was Mutual friends "even some of her friends" that I would not want anything to do with, have not heard from her, since her leaving me, which is for the best, I know.... Of course when I see them, they ask, have you heared from Blah Blah, I say nope, they tell me they haven't heard from her since a few weeks before our breakup, when I say mutual friends, its ppl we both had worked with, but she had left to work elsewhere sometime ago, then say, you can do better then her, she was terrible to you. My question is, it seems this time she has broken a regular pattern of hers,(except having her text me few weeks ago (which she always liked to do here and there after she left), to me not replying) but same pattern of cheating on me, picking a fight and leaving, cheating on me, coming back, picking a fight and leaving, coming back, etc..... but all the times never stopped communicating with her friends and mutual friends, why this time? any ideas? (She still has a friend who works with us (I would never see cause of my work week), who she still talks to, but from my understanding nobody else has talked with her, she even made plans with one of them and never showed up) Any Advice? Feedback? Thnx..... LiL Edited February 25, 2010 by LostInLimbo
rand0m Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Dunno.. My ex pretty much did the same. Cut off all of our mutual friends (I see she'll randomly facebook something on a wall once in a blue moon, but it seems fake), just like she cut me off. She's got these new friends now, some little messed up circle that's she's become obsessed with. Once they all go back to where they're from for the summer, she'll learn right quick that cutting her real friends off was a mistake.
jerrytodd Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 I am into my many times being kicked to the curb, by the same person, the difference this time, I just recently found out, was Mutual friends "even some of her friends" that I would not want anything to do with, have not heard from her, since her leaving me, which is for the best, I know.... Of course when I see them, they ask, have you heared from Blah Blah, I say nope, they tell me they haven't heard from her since a few weeks before our breakup, when I say mutual friends, its ppl we both had worked with, but she had left to work elsewhere sometime ago, then say, you can do better then her, she was terrible to you. My question is, it seems this time she has broken a regular pattern of hers,(except having her text me few weeks ago (which she always liked to do here and there after she left), to me not replying) but same pattern of cheating on me, picking a fight and leaving, cheating on me, coming back, picking a fight and leaving, coming back, etc..... but all the times never stopped communicating with her friends and mutual friends, why this time? any ideas? (She still has a friend who works with us (I would never see cause of my work week), who she still talks to, but from my understanding nobody else has talked with her, she even made plans with one of them and never showed up) Any Advice? Feedback? Thnx..... LiL Google "Womens Infidelity". The website that came up first was frighteningly accurate. I was gaslighted, no communication, thrill ends, she moves on. Crap. It hurts. Scary that we want to believe in the other person so much. LiL & Rand0m - see if it applies to you??
Author LostInLimbo Posted February 25, 2010 Author Posted February 25, 2010 Hey Jerry, some of the points did apply to me, which yes it could be that, other things have surrounded the confusion in me, she would always come back, just before this ended telling me her kids love me so much, always firing offf a txt to me to say hey look at me im around still, told by her friends she hated when I talked to other females......as I say, it could be what you had suggested, which yeh is scary, cause I wasted those yrs trying, but it seems to be more in the way of her being mentally unstable, and seeking that attyention she craves from others. Its funny how the stats say 1 in 5, but yet all the female friends I have, which are many, just say she is F**ked up and toying with me, playing me along and keeping me on a string, knowing I will take her back, not to mention none of them are going through this. The Ex did leave children behind and I should have seen that as my first clue, not to get involved..... I really do appreciate your advice, made me feel crappier, lol, but I won't ever lie to myself, and if thats what it is, I have no control, do I think its that? could be, don't know, after reading the stages some are true, while others aren't, but I will re read.... Thanks Again... LiL
rand0m Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 It's still too early in our breakup for me to really determine if all the points made on that site apply, but there are definite parallels. I am 100% she never cheated on me physically, but am quite positive she was emotionally. She was finding an attraction to someone, and pushing the envelope until she decided to just ship and see what would happen. I know they've started going on a few dates, and are in Mexico together (with a group, but still they both went). Do I think it might get serious? Knowing her, probably. Her family will lose it, I know that for a fact, and I'm pretty sure this guy's ex-fiancee isn't going to give up very easily on him, especially when he returns to his home-town. Either way, it's none of my business, but yes, I can see the similarities in what's in that article.
Odyssey Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 ...she could be toying with you. Could be she got a new circle of friends. Could be she's busy moving on...could be plenty of reasons. But that's her life. It doesn't matter 'cause she dumped you. Meaning she doesn't want you in her life anymore. So concentrate on yours...you'll heal faster that way.
jerrytodd Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 I really do appreciate your advice, made me feel crappier, lol, but I won't ever lie to myself, and if thats what it is, I have no control, do I think its that? could be, don't know, after reading the stages some are true, while others aren't, but I will re read.... Thanks Again... LiL I am sincerely sorry about creating the crappy feelings, certainly these forums are supposed to be there to help undo that! I spent yesterday shaking my head in a meeting looking at how beautiful a girl my Ex- is and it killed me (again today). Then I looked at the other current thread about "why is she so happy" and I started to try to hope that the exterior happiness is not real and not sustainable. But sadly, if I am taking scope of the real truth for her she is happy and will be happier without me doing what the infidelity website said. There will be moments of despair but she is proof it pays to be shallow if you are going to be that sort of person. I do know and I look at my list of characteristics often, that the trust issue would have killed me eventually. So I move on, still NC other than where work demands it. I just wish today she wasnt wearing the 5" heels that she was wearing when we had our best ever date (went to see Oasis). I cannot wait until she finds a new job at another company.
Author LostInLimbo Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 (edited) Hey Jerry, Im good to go, don't be sorry I come here for advice, its me how I want to perceive it, as only I know my situation best, lol reality checks are need alot of times, and as mentioned, it could be that, but I have been played time and time again and its just my feelings as to, she keeps/kept coming back, because I pretty much rolled out the red carpet for her, so if she knows she can do that and I will take her back, why not. As Odysey had mentioned (thank you btw Odyssy for your feedback, truely needed) it also could be a number of things/reasons why, but NC is still my best bet, for my own sake, as I have been doing, as for her moving on, everytime she leaves she tells me she is moving on, even after a while she still would tell me it gets easier for her, even though she always seems to make that contact with me, to break my healing process or so it seemed.... I know NC is not to get someone back, never have I used it for that, it seems as I always have in the past breakups with her, whenever I do go NC , thats when I get txt msged, not saying its going to happen that way again, thats just another piece of history that had repeated itself. I am going for councelling, as I feel although its been just another time for me to be kicked to the curb, what worries me is that if she were to come back, I may take her back and feel councelling will help me through that.. LiL Edited February 26, 2010 by LostInLimbo
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