Author jen_r Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 And I promise that is all I want for you too. So can we do it together? I can try. But I know that this is going to a road that will be backtracked on, seeing as I JUST sent him a huge email. Not begging or asking for him back, more just a bunch of questions that have never been answered. I highly doubt I will get a response, only further proving he does not care to show me the time of day. But yes, I will try with you. aand btw, I really appreciate all the times you've replied to my BS threads.
curiousnycgirl Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Totally my pleasure, there are a few LSers who will never, EVER know how important they were to me in December. I was hanging on by a thread. I would really, REALLY prefer you not set yourself up for failure. Rather than say you expect the road to be backtracked on, why not say "ok from this moment forward I'm done?"
skydiveaddict Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I can try. But I know that this is going to a road that will be backtracked on, seeing as I JUST sent him a huge email. Not begging or asking for him back, more just a bunch of questions that have never been answered. I highly doubt I will get a response, only further proving he does not care to show me the time of day. But yes, I will try with you. aand btw, I really appreciate all the times you've replied to my BS threads. Listen, you're just going through the grief process. You will be ok. I am right now too. Just a few suggestions: delete his: phone #, email adress, do NOT, for any reason, visit his fb page, any gifts/things that remind you of him put them out of sight, basically have no more contact with him. If he calls, dont answer, if he texts, delete, dont even read. Hang close to your friends, stay busy EXERCISE,try new things, adventures, there is someone out there for you and you will find him . take care
Author jen_r Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 Listen, you're just going through the grief process. You will be ok. I am right now too. Just a few suggestions: delete his: phone #, email adress, do NOT, for any reason, visit his fb page, any gifts/things that remind you of him put them out of sight, basically have no more contact with him. If he calls, dont answer, if he texts, delete, dont even read. Hang close to your friends, stay busy EXERCISE,try new things, adventures, there is someone out there for you and you will find him . take care I can't delete those things yet. I could never not open a txt from him. I would drive myself crazy wondering what it said. I'm not ready to full on handle letting go. For the past 4 days I've been going out and drinking so that I can just go home and fall fast asleep with no thoughts. Well tonight, me and a few girlfriends had some wine and I stupidly smoked some weed and my thoughts went out of control. I started missing him like CRAZY and thinking that everything bad that happened in our relationship was my fault. And everything is my fault. I'm an awful person for the things I said to him while we we're fighting last week. Unforgivable things. And everything he says about me is true. He really deserves better than me, he's going places. I'm stuck in park. I'm not just saying these things like "whoa is me"..I really do feel I had a large dose of reality hit me tonight.
skydiveaddict Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 He really deserves better than me, he's going places. I'm stuck in park. I'm not just saying these things like "whoa is me"..I really do feel I had a large dose of reality hit me tonight. I know you're not saying these things out of thin air. YOU ARE HURTING! Dont let yourself go down this road. You deserve better than him, not the other way around. At some point you've gotta start believing in yourself
happylassy Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I am in a very similar boat... however, I have not contacted him saying how I feel. And I'm not going to.. I've come close today, but I'm not going to. I know it will make me feel worse that he is not there for me, it will make me feel terrible to be told AGAIN that he doesn't want me- he's made that clear in all his actions and words. Yes I do love him and I do want him... but not all the s*** that comes along with him. I'm not even going to give him the pleasure of hearing my voice and how upset I am. When I say pleasure I mean because I gave him an ultimatum or two which he refused to change, he turned it round on me saying this is the way I am and if you don't like it..... (that's all he said, but I know he means.. it's your loss, your choice, you lose). Has said he will think about his behaviour but I seriously don't think he will ever be the man I wanted him to be... the man that wants me. I have to give up hope... it's as clear as day he doesn't want me. One thing I know from past LTR is that there is a lot of questions that don't ever get answered. SO I'm not even bothering to ask because I know really that it is irrelavant. My life is moving forwards... I sometimes wish for virtual reality cyber space so people like us can just all sit in a room together and cry, hug and be there for one another helping each other out in person... then there could be like a games room too where we can have a laugh and play table tennis and wii.... and also rooms to be alone - rooms to write... sound proof rooms to scream in.... a gym and sauna - massage - healthy food - motivational talks... I swear one day I am going to invent a break up retreat! Just so you know... you really are not alone. *hug* We all have to get thorugh this together..... that's why we are here... and we can all do it together.... xx
Author jen_r Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 I sometimes wish for virtual reality cyber space so people like us can just all sit in a room together and cry, hug and be there for one another helping each other out in person... then there could be like a games room too where we can have a laugh and play table tennis and wii.... and also rooms to be alone - rooms to write... sound proof rooms to scream in.... a gym and sauna - massage - healthy food - motivational talks... I swear one day I am going to invent a break up retreat! Just so you know... you really are not alone. *hug* We all have to get thorugh this together..... that's why we are here... and we can all do it together.... xx Lol, I would go to that retreat! Even though you say you are going through the same thing and that I am not alone, it still feels like I am verrry alone. And today is going to be yet another one of those crying all day type of deals. I texted him this morning with "are you ever going to want to talk to me? or are u okay with never speaking with or seeing me again?" He says "thanks for waking me up. i will want to talk to u. just not right now cuz its just going to be bickering & fighting". I say "I'm trying my hardest not to contact you cuz I know u dont want me to. but I can only keep you out of my mind for so long. I'm so sad with the way things played out last week" He says "but they did happen" I say "I know. I shouldnt have let u get to me and say things to you that werent even true. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings" He says "well thank you for apologizing. im sorry this happened but it was inevitable" I say "how is it so easy for you to let go, but I cant let go?" he says "cuz I know this can't work, thats how" lastly, I say "how come I am always the only one who wants to hang on? Do you ever think 'god I miss her' or 'i want her back?'" He never replied and now I just feel horrible. Why do I keep asking questions that I know the answers to?
happylassy Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 It sounds like you are going to keep asking them until you can't take it anymore. It doesn't matter what people say on here.... only you will come to the point where you feel you have to stop asking because you can't take it any more..... I go through several conversations and questions in my head and end up always with the same answers... he doesn't want me... if he did... he'd be here. SO there's no need to call him to confiorm that.. I already know. HE's not going to say what I want him to hear. It's pointless.... I may aswell just cry as if he has said he doesn't want me again.... because that is the way he feels and there is nothing I could do about it.... it's over.... and it kills me... but it is.. hey at least you 'lol' d... Listen to how crazy I am going to be now? I am going to look at a houseshare that I already know won't be suitable just to take up the evening... it'll take up 4 hours in total and knacker me out. FOr some reason when I am on buses and trains I can think... it a great space - I'd travel non-stop until I felt better on trains up and down the entire state if I could. Oh yeah - I'm also listening to the audio books of Pema Chodron - don't be scared that she is a buddhist .... she is a very caring lady who talks a lot about suffering and acceptance. It's not really religious... give it a go... SHe has helped me tremendously... download her book when things fall apart. She is a very caring lady, wise who has been through real life break ups and crap... I'm off to occupy myself for the evning... oh I'm so great aren't I? How sad is it this doing this?.... I need to get out for a bit - besides, I suppose it might be alright?
curiousnycgirl Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Jen you seriously need impulse control. What is so hard to understand about NC?! You are not a toddler, you know how to control yourself, but you choose not to. Sorry time for some tough love. You MUST gain control of yourself. I'm not even talkng about the NC thing - I mean holistically. You got angry so you said hurtful untrue things? Do you not understand that this is caused by the same thing that is preventing you from going NC? Grow the F up and start taking some personal responsibility. That doesn't mean sayng you are sorry it means controling your actions BEFORE you act. Start with not contacting him. Practice control over your words elsewhere, not with your ex. I'm sure you lash out elsewhere too. I know this because when was younger I was very much like you. I would explode in anger and say things I regretted later. It did not serve me well. So I made a concerted effort to not allow myself to lose control like that EVER again. Truth is it's not all than someone who has violent outbursts when angry - which my mother did throughout my childhood. I decided I didn't want to be like that - so I began to take control. Your turn dear. You need to stop reacting to your emotions and THINK before you act or speak. So when you wake up in the morning missing him more than you can express, THINK before you text him. As yourself if satisfying this immediate yearning is going to get you anywhere you want to be. Seriously if you can't do even this -I'm sorry for you as you will be continuing this very painful little drama you've got going on for a long time.
curiousnycgirl Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Do you ever think 'god I miss her' or 'i want her back?'" How can he possibly miss you? You don't gve him a chance to even think about the good stuff you guys had. You are just perpetuating all the bad stuff. I mean it you need to THINK!!!!!
Author jen_r Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 Jen you seriously need impulse control. What is so hard to understand about NC?! You are not a toddler, you know how to control yourself, but you choose not to. Sorry time for some tough love. You MUST gain control of yourself. I'm not even talkng about the NC thing - I mean holistically. You got angry so you said hurtful untrue things? Do you not understand that this is caused by the same thing that is preventing you from going NC? Grow the F up and start taking some personal responsibility. That doesn't mean sayng you are sorry it means controling your actions BEFORE you act. Start with not contacting him. Practice control over your words elsewhere, not with your ex. I'm sure you lash out elsewhere too. I know this because when was younger I was very much like you. I would explode in anger and say things I regretted later. It did not serve me well. So I made a concerted effort to not allow myself to lose control like that EVER again. Truth is it's not all than someone who has violent outbursts when angry - which my mother did throughout my childhood. I decided I didn't want to be like that - so I began to take control. Your turn dear. You need to stop reacting to your emotions and THINK before you act or speak. So when you wake up in the morning missing him more than you can express, THINK before you text him. As yourself if satisfying this immediate yearning is going to get you anywhere you want to be. Seriously if you can't do even this -I'm sorry for you as you will be continuing this very painful little drama you've got going on for a long time. I have no self control. Actually, I must have SOME self control seeing as I'm not driving to the apartment when I badly want to. I do think before I text him, believe it or not, i type out the text, erase it, put the phone down, think think think and ultimately I write the text again and send it. I know me. I'm not okay with change. This breakup is going to be LONG. It's going to get to the point where he absolutely hates me and blocks me from contacting him. Could you indulge me with your break up story? That is, if it's not to painful to bring up. I feel like, hearing these stories help me feel better and realize that 'wow, someone else loved someone else as much as I did, and got their heart completely broken'. Or maybe your story is already posted somewhere on here? I'd like to read it...
skydiveaddict Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 (edited) Last November my unit returned from Afghanistan after a year. The whole time she's writing me "ilove you. i miss you, stay safe blah blah". I'm home for a week, no calls, texts emails ,nothing. (she knew I was back). So finally I call her. She says "I need to tell you something, see there's this other guy ..... etc etc" Turns out she had been seeing this guy for six months, all the time lying to me while I was gone. It crushed me to the core. Just like you are now. Edited February 27, 2010 by skydiveaddict
curiousnycgirl Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I don't mind at all here are some links - better for you to see it as I wrote it when it was happening. This one is the day it happened http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t212355/ You'll appreciate this one - specifically about NC http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t213406/ Here is the December 4th email mentioned below, where I've asked LSers for input - I'm showing it to you because it really shows where my heart was http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t215633/ Here I felt the pain of breaking NC by looking at his FB page http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t215958/ This one is a doozy - thought I was going to lose it http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t216318/ Here is the December 4th email mentioned below, where I've asked LSers for input - I'm showing it to you because it really shows where my heart was http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t215633/ Here is a very shot one about the ONLY interactive communication we've had since December 1st (or the email exchange December 4) http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t218964/ This one represents my current quandry - although I keep saying on the outside that it's done, I keep hoping http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t221042/
9Lives Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 All I can do is hope that in time I will heal enough to possibly date again and perhaps even find someone who will actually love me. And I promise that is all I want for you too. So can we do it together? wow..this was deep to me. I felt like I met the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with and when it ended..it has been devastating. I still pray to God to bring us back together. I've had to reconstruct my life to get moving on. it seems like no one can understand when u met someone that make your world go round ..that when its over..life kinda stops. but now all I can do is keep moving along. I'm praying God will restore our love but I'm not doing anything to stop him from doing what he wants. I know he has to realize it on his own. in the meantime..i go on
curiousnycgirl Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I know 9Lives I know - the people around us don't seem to understand, yet we come to an anonymous web site and there are all these folks who get it. So do you suppose the LSers are the ONLY people who have ever gone through these feelings? I think not. I think we need to remain hopeful that once we move on, we forget how bad and dark the days were immediately after the break up. In time the emotions soften to the point that we forget, and sometimes deny to ourselves, that we ever allowed our worlds to revolve around our exes. We'll get there - it's just going to take time, and committment to ourselves.
Sassygirl2 Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I just want to say thank you to all of you (especially the original OP)because this thread is very helpful. I think it's important to realize that our ex's are probably having a hard time with breaking up with us too but they are afraid of saying anything in fear of "leading us on". This is exactly what my ex told me from the beginning when he dropped the bomb. I wish for all the answers to my many questions too like, "Do you miss me?" "If we just changed A, B, and C couldn't we make it work?" but I am slowly getting to the point of realizing he's not going to answer me. Oh yeah, and to the point of "It's over." A friend told me that reading all this LS stuff will just get me down but it has helped me immensley hearing other people's stories and realizing that we all go through this and make it to the other side. The support is priceless.
Author jen_r Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 I have not cried at all today. I just got back from cleaning out our apartment of all my things. I THOUGHT it would be harder than it actually was. But, I put all of our pictures and the jewelery he bought me on his side of the bed, so he can have a nice reminder of what hes giving up. Not like he cares. And quite possibly, I may not of cried today because of the ***** he said to me last night. If I could put the whole convo on here i would, just so u could see the *********ness.
Author jen_r Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 I've cried for like 4 hours straight over the last two days. =( I'm sure once the anger I feel right now wears off, I too will be a crying mess. CANT WAIT!!!
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