Endless Tears & Heartache

[jen_r]

What are you supposed to do on the days where you literally can't stop crying?

All I want is to fall into his arms and cry to him...but he is the one causing the pain and doesn't care that I'm a mess.

I don't even think i'll be able to make it my moms bday dinner tonite cause my eyes are beyond puffy, my cheeks are chapped from whiping tears and I won't even be able to enjoy my dinner.

 

Does anyone else here cry for hours? When I tell my ex that I'm a crying mess he says "You're a grown woman, look at yourself, grow up." Thanks Jared.

[Els]

I'm sure we all have. Ignore what your ex says.

[curiousnycgirl]

I cried for most of the month of December. Whenever I was alone I was sobbing. The question for you is why are you telling HIM? Do you think he'll come back? You NEED to go full NC, get through the crying all day thing and start healing.

 

What are you doing!?

[rand0m]

Don't let your ex know you're hurting.

I did, and I regret everytime I have. Cry, grieve, scream, let it out, but do it on your own terms.

 

I found the only way to stop crying is to have no more tears to shed. I'll admit, I'm a 23 y/o male who had the love of his life walk out on him after 5 years of devotion (and never thinking it would end). I cried nightly, for a while, until I just couldn't cry anymore.. that's the day I won my life back.

Sure it's hard, hurts like hell, but honestly.. no matter how much it hurts and how badly I want to cry, I just can't. There's nothing there anymore. Nothing comes out.

 

Take your time. If you rush the process you won't fully move forward.

[mizundastud]

What are you supposed to do on the days where you literally can't stop crying?

All I want is to fall into his arms and cry to him...but he is the one causing the pain and doesn't care that I'm a mess.

I don't even think i'll be able to make it my moms bday dinner tonite cause my eyes are beyond puffy, my cheeks are chapped from whiping tears and I won't even be able to enjoy my dinner.

 

Does anyone else here cry for hours? When I tell my ex that I'm a crying mess he says "You're a grown woman, look at yourself, grow up." Thanks Jared.

 

Awww jen don't let him no that your crying like that over him. Cry if you need to as much as you want but don't let him know it. It seems are situations are similar. I would break down to my ex and tell how much of a wreck I am but it only leaves me more heartbroken when he still doesn't come back. If you need someone to talk to let me know I'll give you my email. You need to vent to someone else when you break down but not him cuz it only boost his ego. Its obvious he's an inconsiderate bastard for even saying that to you he should be grateful that someone cares about him.

[jen_r]

The question for you is why are you telling HIM?

 

I tell him because, he was there for me for two years, he MUST care that I'm in so much pain? I keep saying to him, if the rolls were reversed and I was breaking up with him that it would kill me to see him in so much pain. I have no one to turn to, and I just wish he was there for me to cry to and just listen.

I understand it's a mistake to tell him these things, but this person was in my life everyday for 2 years, I can't accept that he's just not there to turn to. It's like he's dead.

[jen_r]

Awww jen don't let him no that your crying like that over him. Cry if you need to as much as you want but don't let him know it. It seems are situations are similar. I would break down to my ex and tell how much of a wreck I am but it only leaves me more heartbroken when he still doesn't come back. If you need someone to talk to let me know I'll give you my email. You need to vent to someone else when you break down but not him cuz it only boost his ego. Its obvious he's an inconsiderate bastard for even saying that to you he should be grateful that someone cares about him.

 

Why shouldn't he know that Im crying? I mean, he's not a total jerk, don't you think he thinking "wow this girl really loves me?" He kust feel somewhat bad?!

[rand0m]

Sure, he'll feel bad, he'll feel guilty, he'll see how much you care, but ultimately it shows a lot of weakness as it continues on and on and on. He'll attribute your crying, dependant, devastation to your personality, rather than for who you really are. Love and emotions do some messed up things and cause us to act irrationally.

Do you really want him to come back because he feels sorry for you? No, you should want him to want you.

 

I did it all. I cried to her for a week or two here and there. Tried to tell her how much I cared, how noone else could ever love her as much as I, how she's making a mistake, how I would walk the ends of the earth. In the end, she felt RELIEVED when the breakup became more finalized. She felt smothered and pressured and even more unhappy because of my actions. I regret acting like that every single day.

 

Show strength, show courage, let him realize his feelings for you on his own terms. For now, grieve if you must, but start moving on. Take steps to show, not only him and others, but for yourself that you're a strong woman.

It's not easy, but you have to believe in yourself.

[jen_r]

Sure, he'll feel bad, he'll feel guilty, he'll see how much you care, but ultimately it shows a lot of weakness as it continues on and on and on. He'll attribute your crying, dependant, devastation to your personality, rather than for who you really are. Love and emotions do some messed up things and cause us to act irrationally.

Do you really want him to come back because he feels sorry for you? No, you should want him to want you.

 

I did it all. I cried to her for a week or two here and there. Tried to tell her how much I cared, how noone else could ever love her as much as I, how she's making a mistake, how I would walk the ends of the earth. In the end, she felt RELIEVED when the breakup became more finalized. She felt smothered and pressured and even more unhappy because of my actions. I regret acting like that every single day.

 

Show strength, show courage, let him realize his feelings for you on his own terms. For now, grieve if you must, but start moving on. Take steps to show, not only him and others, but for yourself that you're a strong woman.

It's not easy, but you have to believe in yourself.

 

 

I know that everything you are saying is right. I know my actions are pushing him further away. I want to show strength & courage but, it would only be me acting. I'll aways be a mess, I'll always love him and it's not fair! It's not fair for him to go on his merry way while I'm left in the dust trying to pick up pieces to my heart.

 

You know, I know these experiences shouldn't make you bitter about love or life. But I am completely bitter! I never will let myself fall for someone like this again, there is NO way I will feel this low again.

[sunrae]

I I want to show strength & courage but, it would only be me acting. .

 

 

Have you heard the saying... "fake it unitl you make it"..???

 

Thats what you have to do... Pretend your happy until you are happy..

[rand0m]

^ agreed.

 

And maybe you will be in love with him forever. You'll definitely remember him for the rest of your life. Remember though, it's been said over and over and over again: there are plenty of people in the world, plenty of people who will love you and be in love with you. Remember your life before your ex?

Life's just like that. You meet people, you fall in love, you have your heart broken and think that you can never be whole again, until you meet someone else who makes you feel special. Your next love will be different, sure, maybe you won't even love him as much as you love your ex, maybe you'll love him more; what you can't do is live your life in misery. The next love of your life might be sitting at the coffee shop down the road right now, or waiting in the checkout line at the grocery store. You don't have to forget about your ex or not love him anymore, you don't even have to never talk to him or see him again, but you do have to move on and you'll find that there's far too much to see and do than dwell on a person who didn't care enough to fight for your relationship.

It does suck, I'll vouch for that; I'm trying to get through it right now, after the girl I was about to marry walked out the door, telling me she's not in love with me, and that it's over.. a friendship is all she sees between us. One foot in front of the other.. keep pressing onwards. It'll get harder, I won't even lie, but soon after it's all sunk in, you'll feel relieved, happy again, and you'll wake up in the morning with a smile on your face. Believe in that. Hope for THAT day.

[lofi_tokyo]

I know that everything you are saying is right. I know my actions are pushing him further away. I want to show strength & courage but, it would only be me acting. I'll aways be a mess, I'll always love him and it's not fair! It's not fair for him to go on his merry way while I'm left in the dust trying to pick up pieces to my heart.

 

You know, I know these experiences shouldn't make you bitter about love or life. But I am completely bitter! I never will let myself fall for someone like this again, there is NO way I will feel this low again.

 

When you make the claims that it is not fair, you're being incredibly unfair to your ex. If he wants out of a relationship, what is he supposed to do? It may be killing you inside, but it wouldn't be fair to EITHER of you if he had stayed in a relationship where he was only dating you to avoid making you cry. Part of him probably felt sick ending things with you, because like you've said, he's not a totally jerk, and I am sure he knew it would hurt you, and to that end, it hurt him. However, as time goes on those feelings of being sorry for you are going to diminish. Remember, he broke up with you so he could move on with his life. Your constant crying is okay! Let it all out! I cried for three straight months! But don't bring him into it. He'll just get sick of it (it already sounds like he has), and what the other posters are saying is completely true: your actions now are going to make him remember you as the ex that just wouldn't let him go. His idea of you is just going to keep getting more and more negative as you contact him while you're still healing.

 

I've had friends (both male and female) that cried their eyes out, and contacted their dumpers while doing so - and you know what? Those friends are now remembered as "the crazy ex". I think part of it comes from the idea that... when you DO that. When you call him up crying, accuse him of being heartless, whatever... you're forgetting he's a human too. He didn't break up with you to destroy you, he broke up with you because he needed to.

 

So yeah. What you're doing to him now is very unfair, though it may not seem like it from your end of things.

 

With regards to the whole bitter thing? I spent a year after my ex left me for someone else being bitter. I dated, sure - and though I was mostly over my ex - all I wanted to do was break some hearts. And I did it. Over and over and over. I regret what I went on to do - but it at least gave me (to some degree) a idea of what its like to be the dumper.

 

Now, a year and a half after I was dumped - I still have relationship problems. Because I told myself I'd never let myself get hurt like that again, I think I've put myself in a position where even if I meet someone new and wonderful, I can't bring myself to the point of really falling for them. Because if I fell for them - if I threw caution to the wind - who knows what could happen.

 

Anyways, I'm not writing this to be cruel, I'm writing it in hopes that it will guide you to not make some of the mistakes I have. Trust me, a year down the road, when you look back at all you've gone through, things will (in theory) seem a lot more clear.

[9Lives]

What are you supposed to do on the days where you literally can't stop crying?

All I want is to fall into his arms and cry to him...but he is the one causing the pain and doesn't care that I'm a mess.

I don't even think i'll be able to make it my moms bday dinner tonite cause my eyes are beyond puffy, my cheeks are chapped from whiping tears and I won't even be able to enjoy my dinner.

 

Does anyone else here cry for hours? When I tell my ex that I'm a crying mess he says "You're a grown woman, look at yourself, grow up." Thanks Jared.

 

buttercup...yes, yes yes yes....i cried soo much and was a total total mess. dont feel bad. when you truly love someone it hurts like hell and you suffer awhile. Then when the ex acts like they dont care...if feels worst.

 

But you have to get yourself together. I worked very very hard to get past him and I still struggle with it. But I remind myself that trying to get back with my ex is a waste of time. It is not going to happen. believe me...you are not alone and you will get better. I promise. It takes time and very importantly...you have to stop contact with the ex....very important to stop contact...I prolonged the pain by continuing to contact the ex...bad idea for sure

[9Lives]

I know that everything you are saying is right. I know my actions are pushing him further away. I want to show strength & courage but, it would only be me acting. I'll aways be a mess, I'll always love him and it's not fair! It's not fair for him to go on his merry way while I'm left in the dust trying to pick up pieces to my heart.

 

You know, I know these experiences shouldn't make you bitter about love or life. But I am completely bitter! I never will let myself fall for someone like this again, there is NO way I will feel this low again.

 

I dont blame you. I will never completely trust a man whole heartly...i just cant take this pain ever again. I will never put myself out there like that again. I completely let my guard down with this last guy. never again....never

[spriggig]

I finally accepted last night that my stbxw is leaving me and taking our 11-year-old son with her.

 

This morning, in the freezing courtyard at work (I shouldn't have been there at all) I cried in a way I never have before--screamed NO! several times--cried some more and sobbed like a kid. Stumbled to my car and did it all over again. Felt really good to finally just let it out like that without caring.

 

It won't be the last time I cry over this, but I think it was the top of the mountain.

 

The worst of it comes from regret so I try to focus on the future instead of the past.

[hew]

Helllllllloo, dont let your ex know your hurting. Just go on with your life and smile when your around him( if it happpens) Im currently about to go through a breakup and i know how much it hurts, My last boyfriend as well, i cried all the time and it hurt so much. I never though i would get over it, but then i found my current boyfriend who is about to be my ex, and after him i will have a new one. It's life, and its not fair nor is it easy, and it almost never goes the way we want it too. My advice to you is, keep crying, if you hold it in, it wont do you any good. One day you wont cry, it will get easy, you will have good days and bad days, and one day you wont feel the pain you do now. Hard to believe but i am speaking from experience, where i had said to myself " i will never get over him" AND I DID, and i could care lesssssss, i look at him now and kinda smile that im not with him. Its a great feeeling now.

[jen_r]

When you make the claims that it is not fair, you're being incredibly unfair to your ex. If he wants out of a relationship, what is he supposed to do? It may be killing you inside, but it wouldn't be fair to EITHER of you if he had stayed in a relationship where he was only dating you to avoid making you cry. Part of him probably felt sick ending things with you, because like you've said, he's not a totally jerk, and I am sure he knew it would hurt you, and to that end, it hurt him. However, as time goes on those feelings of being sorry for you are going to diminish. Remember, he broke up with you so he could move on with his life. Your constant crying is okay! Let it all out! I cried for three straight months! But don't bring him into it. He'll just get sick of it (it already sounds like he has), and what the other posters are saying is completely true: your actions now are going to make him remember you as the ex that just wouldn't let him go. His idea of you is just going to keep getting more and more negative as you contact him while you're still healing.

 

I've had friends (both male and female) that cried their eyes out, and contacted their dumpers while doing so - and you know what? Those friends are now remembered as "the crazy ex". I think part of it comes from the idea that... when you DO that. When you call him up crying, accuse him of being heartless, whatever... you're forgetting he's a human too. He didn't break up with you to destroy you, he broke up with you because he needed to.

 

So yeah. What you're doing to him now is very unfair, though it may not seem like it from your end of things.

 

With regards to the whole bitter thing? I spent a year after my ex left me for someone else being bitter. I dated, sure - and though I was mostly over my ex - all I wanted to do was break some hearts. And I did it. Over and over and over. I regret what I went on to do - but it at least gave me (to some degree) a idea of what its like to be the dumper.

 

Now, a year and a half after I was dumped - I still have relationship problems. Because I told myself I'd never let myself get hurt like that again, I think I've put myself in a position where even if I meet someone new and wonderful, I can't bring myself to the point of really falling for them. Because if I fell for them - if I threw caution to the wind - who knows what could happen.

 

Anyways, I'm not writing this to be cruel, I'm writing it in hopes that it will guide you to not make some of the mistakes I have. Trust me, a year down the road, when you look back at all you've gone through, things will (in theory) seem a lot more clear.

 

You whole post just brought me to tears. I know I'm not being fair to him. I don't want to be that crazy ex, but I don't want to let him go - he means too much to me. And he did love me at one point and he did care when I was sad. I feel it's only natural to still want to turn to him for support, even though that not realistic. I can't accept the fact that someone who said they loved me, just doesn't even wanna speak to me anymore.

 

It really STINGS when I keep thinking "I had him and I lost him"..and he's all I've ever wanted. And he's gone. ugh, i dunno.

[jen_r]

I dont blame you. I will never completely trust a man whole heartly...i just cant take this pain ever again. I will never put myself out there like that again. I completely let my guard down with this last guy. never again....never

 

See, I don't like the fact that all my future relationships are already f**ked. Cause I'll never have that feeling of falling hopelessly in love with someone so easily, like I did with my ex. He was the first person that I didn't have doubt with and just let myself fall hard and fast.

[mmk1]

TV had an outstanding post and brings a great perspective to this. The truth is, the dumper has as much right to decide what's best for them as you do for you.

 

In every breakup, the reality is that one person decided that the relationship was not right for them. That is everyone's right. You can't force someone to be with you and it wouldn't last even if you could guilt them into returning.

 

Acceptance is great and helps you move on. There will be someone else!

[jen_r]

 

In every breakup, the reality is that one person decided that the relationship was not right for them. That is everyone's right. You can't force someone to be with you and it wouldn't last even if you could guilt them into returning.

 

Acceptance is great and helps you move on. There will be someone else!

 

I know, and I try to put myself in his shoes, if I wanted out of the relationship I would want him to respect that. I just dont like that he made me believe that we were going to be together forever. So, I neverrr worried about the relationship ending.

 

Secondly, I honestly don't want someone else. Other than the fact that I hate his sick relationship with his family, there is NOTHING that I dislike about him. I adore everything about him. It makes me sick to stomach when I actually realize that he's gone.

[curiousnycgirl]

NOTHING that I dislike about him. I adore everything about him.

 

Your problem is that your statements above are in the present tense, when they should be past tense. You thought you adored everything about him - but you certaily do not adore the fact that he doesn't want to be with you anymore.

 

Stop romanticizing him, stop thinking you can count on him as a shoulder to cry on, start NC and start healing.

[jen_r]

Your problem is that your statements above are in the present tense, when they should be past tense. You thought you adored everything about him - but you certaily do not adore the fact that he doesn't want to be with you anymore.

 

Stop romanticizing him, stop thinking you can count on him as a shoulder to cry on, start NC and start healing.

 

All I do is romanticize him. I put this person up on this pedastol and he does not belong to be up there. I just can't help the way I feel.

[MovinOnStrong]

After 1 1/2 years with the man who promised he'd love me forever I found out he was cheating. I cried and felt so sick inside for two days. And during those two days I filled his voice mail up twice and kept texting every feeling I had. I felt he deserved to hear what he had done to me. I took a leave of absence from my job and as I was getting ready to go do this I sat at my computer. I found out he's addicted to violent, brutal, incestual, perverted and I could go on porn. I will never cry again, I am grateful he's gone. Not everyone finds out something to this extreme but there is something about him that is not right for you. Something you can use to stop the madness. Find it, you wouldn't be crying if he were so great!

[jen_r]

. I found out he's addicted to violent, brutal, incestual, perverted and I could go on porn. I will never cry again, I am grateful he's gone. Not everyone finds out something to this extreme but there is something about him that is not right for you. Something you can use to stop the madness. Find it, you wouldn't be crying if he were so great!

 

Well if I had found out something like that, it would be far easier to say SEE YA LATA.

[curiousnycgirl]

All I do is romanticize him. I put this person up on this pedastol and he does not belong to be up there. I just can't help the way I feel.

 

Well you can help the way you think - start there. It is fine to say you loved him, it is fine to say wow that was the best relationship I ever had. It is fine to say you miss what you had.

 

But then you need to think about the most recent message he sent you. All the things you loved, did not work for him. He didn't want what you wanted. He ended it.

 

So in the end it WAS a great relationship - but it will be an even better one when you meet someone who wants the same things you want and who wants to be there with you through thick and thin.

 

I totally understand all the feelings you are experiencing. I knew within a few months that my ex was "the one." I spent 5.5 years compromising for a man who would not yield at all. I let him make me sad, and stress me out (to the point that I couldn't sleep and had physical issues relating to stress that have all disappeared), I let him speak horribly to me and make me feel 1 inch tall - until I couldn't take it anymore. And even at that moment that I saw the truth that the real fact was that he basically hated me - I was willing to stay if he would at least recognize his behaviour, apologize and tell me to try to treat me better. But that didn't happen and I walked

 

And I know in my hear of hearts that it is over - despite the fact that I hope and pray he has an epiphany and realizes how wonderful I was for him, and despite the fact that I still FEEL enormous love for him (like you I cannot help how I feel). BUT it IS over and I have been healing for the past 12 weeks of NC. I know that if i spoke with him today - I would be back at square one, so I don't.

 

All I can do is hope that in time I will heal enough to possibly date again and perhaps even find someone who will actually love me.

 

And I promise that is all I want for you too. So can we do it together?

Edited February 26, 2010 by curiousnycgirl