swedensavage Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 And for the life of me, I can't understand why. We have been seeing each other since last summer, we have known each other for over a year, we met at the studio we both work at. Our intimate lives have been pretty wonderful with each other, but around the start of this new year, I noticed that he seemed to want to make love less and less often. I could not quite understand the reasons he was giving me... he would say things like he didn't want to make love too often because it would distract him from what he needs to get accomplished in life, or that he wanted to have long periods of no sexual contact so that when we finally did make love, it would be more intense. I sort of understand the last one, but I am wholly puzzled by this attitude. To make a few things clear - we are both artists and musicians, so I know that as such, he can be a little strange and have odd ideas about things, and I am pretty much accommodating of all of those said ideas. But when it comes to our sex life, this I just cannot fathom. We are young - I'm 21 and he's 23 - and I know that I for one have a strong sex drive, and am very attracted to him. I know he is physically attracted to me as well - I have never had a problem with that in life. But this new behavior is unsettling and makes me very paranoid and anxious about how I look, and about a lot of other things...so much so that I felt I had to resort to the advice of strangers on a message board. What prompted me to post this so early in the morning was that as we were in bed together, he woke up a little bit and drew me close to him and we began ... "getting intimate" ... so naturally I asked if he wanted to make love. He paused for a minute, and replied that the foreplay was going to make him come pretty quickly. I waited, a little baffled, and he finished by saying "No." So, in all, I am hurt and upset and confused... and I need help with this. Please. Thank you...
Lucy_b Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Sound like sex is on his terms when he is feeling a little fruity and has a itch. What I would do is as hard as it my be is to let him sweat go no contact on him for a little bit and see if he comes running back to you. Explain to him why You are not showing me that you are serious about us I feel a lack of intamate conection with you as I feel you been avoiding me so I would like some space so you can think about what you want and I can make sense of this situation. Or you could go out somewhere where there is no distraction and tell him in a kind way but verry blunty the issues you have with him at the moement and to be honest with you and tell you what he realy thinks and what he wants from this relationship. Lucy x
boogieboy Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 He's 23? I think he is bored sexually, and its a turn off. Plus when you ASK him for it, its a further turn off. You have to let him want it. That excuse he gave isnt because he isnt attracted to you, but he def doesnt want sex. Definitely let him miss you.
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