lofi_tokyo Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 I remember, when my bf of three years dumped me for someone else, I was completely crushed and spent MONTHS scouring these threads looking for an explanation about what I could do to get my ex back. I also loved when I came across one of those threads about an ex coming back. Well that ex never did come back (two years later now), and thats fine, I did eventually get over him... and I went on to date another guy (for only a few months). This 2-3 month guy said he didn't want a relationship and then started dating someone new two weeks later. Ouch! Well, that was two months ago... and look who is back! He is! I guess his new girl dumped him and so now he's after me again because his first choice fell through. I'm not interested - and I wish I could say I feel satisfied over all of this. I never expected it to happen, but part of me always wished he'd chase me again. All that said though, more than anything I'm kind of insulted that he thinks I'd be up for round two after being ditched for another girl. What does that say about how he thinks of me? Yikes. I guess what I'm trying to say is: for those of you coping, if you're still in the stages of waiting for the ex to come back, if they do come back, it may not be as satisfying as you're thinking. Don't hold out for it, because even if it happens, it may be an utter waste of time. I do realize this guy and I only dated for a super short amount of time, so our relationship ending could hardly be called painful as some of the break ups those of you on these forums are going though, and yes, each relationship is unique in its own way, but really... do your best to move on! 1
selena_cat Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Tokyo,how about if they just dissapeared on you out of nowhere,even if you have taken their crumbs of friendship for so long,. we talked a month ago,i mailed him and never heard a peep-is that still a case where they'll reappear? Either way staying on NC,chances are he didnt get hit by a cabbage truck to explain his sudden dissapearance.
sedgwick Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 And here I am after two years and eight months still hoping mine will come back. I'm pathetic.
rand0m Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 (edited) I still hold hope. It's only been just over 6 weeks, I'm pretty sure she may be seriously starting to date another guy, but there's one thing I'm sure of: nobody will ever love her as much as I did/do. One day she'll realize that and she'll be back, but by then, it may be too late. I think it's perfectly healthy to hold onto some sort of hope, as long as you don't let it run your life. You can hope and dream to keep some sanity; eventually, that hope should slowly fade away as you move on with your life. I just found out recently that my ex ex girlfriend held onto hope for years after we broke up, but she was still moving on and living her life. Sure, she tried a few times after we separated, but never tried to force anything. I commend her for that, and have to take some notes. edit: Also, this girl (the ex ex) had initially left me for about 2 months during our 4 year relationship, after which she came crawling back, begging me to forgive her. I took her back then, but my feelings had changed; I left her a few months later. Edited February 25, 2010 by rand0m
HockeyMom Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 I waited 8 years, he did come back. Now I'm on 5 months same guy and hoping again that he comes back.
rand0m Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 8 years! And he still came back? Wow, that's enough hope for anyone I suppose. But you and him broke up again? Sorry to hear that. You'd think after an 8 year break the person would have come back for good if he/she came back at all. Good luck to you. I guess I have a long road ahead of me.
DenverBachelor Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 I waited 8 years Like waiting for the bus at the bus-stop when you could have walked to and from your destination a dozen times over. All because you feel safer on that bus.
HeavenOrHell Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Thanks for posting I reached the conclusion pretty soon after going NC 3 weeks ago, 6 months after he left, that I would think twice about taking him back, amazingly I feel very doubtful I would want him back now, nothing to do with my new male friends of course More to do with the fact he left three times and presumably wants to shag my ex mate so why would I want him back.
HockeyMom Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 yup, 8 yrs.. and I think that 8 yrs went by faster than the past 5 months. I also thought that when he came back it would be for good, that we'd spend the rest of lives together. When he came back, I was on the highest of highs and now i'm at the lowest of lows... both times he left me for a girl he works with. Unfortunately, this time, I also work there too. So I have to see them at work. This is just so hard. I have always loved and him and I feel like I always will. I just can't seem to grasp the whole thing about moving on. I'm stuck and I just want the love of my life back!!
fooled Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 And here I am after two years and eight months still hoping mine will come back. I'm pathetic. You can be only so pathetic with such a rocking avatar, Sedgwick!
Author lofi_tokyo Posted February 25, 2010 Author Posted February 25, 2010 I know one couple that dated for about 4 months, the girl dumped the guy, moved on and that was life. They kept in touch, however, e-mailing eachother maybe once or twice a year, and after 4 years they eventually got back together (and have now been together three years). So it does happen. In their case however, it was not my friend (the girl) going back to the guy so much as they sort of just... started hanging out again. The guy had been waiting the whole time (though he dated other woman in between), but what he eventually did was lure her back in. With the exception of the couple I just mentioned though, I'm pretty skeptical about second-chance sort of situations. I get the impression that the when a dumper comes back, it is usually because they need some sort of affirmation that they are loved - from whoever it may be. A waiting ex is easily accessible in that case. For the OP that mentioned that he believes his ex will come back because no one has ever loved her like he has - I don't know if that's a reason for her to come back. I've met people that have absolutely been smitten by me, one definitely fell in love, but I didn't return the feelings and quite frankly, I'm not interested in him at all. So just because someone may love me eternally, it does not necessarily imply that I will feel the same. And Selena_Cat! That's a pretty hard question to answer. I've disappeared on someone myself, and I just don't know. I was dating a woman for a while (I'm a girl too - I'm bi), and I pulled a vanishing act on her. She did nothing to instigate it, and to this day I really regret having done that. I'd love to call her up and explain myself, or maybe even see if we could try again, but I hold these as fantasies and never really a reality I would act on. I'd like to think shes living her life quite happily without me, and is not waiting on an answer. Perhaps the same is true of your ex. However, I should mention I only dated this woman for about six months, and I get the impression your relationship was much longer... if that the case, I really hope your ex would come around with at least some sort of explanation about what happened. Maybe some people just don't have it in them to do that though. Bottom line is it is impossible to predict his future actions. ;p
Ilovecake Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 (edited) I'm going through the same thing. A guy I dated for a month, was somewhat good friends with for a few years before dating. Haven't talked to him in 8 years all of a sudden he shows up out of nowhere professing his love and saying if he can't be with me he wants to be alone for ever. Lets start with the fact that he lives 2000 miles away from me. Obviously something did not work out for him because there he is. I want nothing to do with him. I'm not attracted to him nor do I have any interest in seeing him, he's kind of dull and stupid. I keep telling him this yet he will not leave me alone. I tell him find another girl to bother, preferably closer to home. He keeps professing his love saying he wants nobody else. Somehow he starts talking about living near a College. I say there you go perfect opportunity to meet a nice girl and his response oh I've tried but for gods sake it's been a year since I got laid. AHA there it is! Can't find a date so he's going through the old black book. Edited February 25, 2010 by Ilovecake
threebyfate Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 They do come back, whether sooner or later. The question is, why would you want them back? I`ve never been a believer in second chances but did it once. Of course, as predicted, the same issues resurfaced. People are ex`s for good reason.
Ilovecake Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 yup, 8 yrs.. and I think that 8 yrs went by faster than the past 5 months. I also thought that when he came back it would be for good, that we'd spend the rest of lives together. When he came back, I was on the highest of highs and now i'm at the lowest of lows... both times he left me for a girl he works with. Unfortunately, this time, I also work there too. So I have to see them at work. This is just so hard. I have always loved and him and I feel like I always will. I just can't seem to grasp the whole thing about moving on. I'm stuck and I just want the love of my life back!! So will you wait with open arms for another 8 years again till he's done with all the other girls?
HockeyMom Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Hmm, thats a tough question... the way I feel right now, I want him back. I'd have my arms open but a big brick wall around my heart. I have a hard time with waiting around, moving on, get over him, etc... I suppose if somehow I fell in love with someone else then that will be that. Until and if that ever happens, I miss the love of my life and I hate everyday that he's not in my life and sharing our life together. I have to work with him so it makes it xtra hard to move on or get over him...
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