moodoo Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Ok so I've been on 6 or 7 dates in the past week with a girl I really like alot, there's been alot of nice dinners, lots of laughs and the last 3 dates have all ended with making out. This girl just got out of a 2 yr long relationship a month and a half ago and then she hooked up with a guy who was ten years older than her for a week or so, and then we got together after being friends for 6 months or so. Anyways tonight she said she really likes me but "its just bad timing" for her bc she's not able to give herself to anyone bc she's so drained from her breakup and law school all coming down on her. Anyways my question is, she clearly likes me because we spent 7 of the last 9 nights together and we make out, and we're really great together....what exactly do her words mean.....she said there's a chance in a little while when she graduates in may, but is that bs or should I get my hopes up.....keep in mind this is completely my dream woman and I've been with alot of girls but this one just does it for me I can't put it into words.
lofi_tokyo Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 I wouldn't wait on her. I mean, it is totally possible that she WILL come around, but you shouldn't be waiting on that possibility. If you're the right guy, and all she needs is time, things will work out on their own without you waiting. I suspect, however, that though things between you and her are wonderful, she just isn't that interested. She's probably still very emotionally connected to ideas of her ex, and as a result, has not really had the chance to get to know you over the past few dates you've had (though it feels like she has).
Author moodoo Posted February 25, 2010 Author Posted February 25, 2010 shes the one calling me and flirting with me and then making out with me at the end of dates. I just dont get it, she is way over her ex they dont even talk anymore, thats what baffles me, Im pretty sure im the only guy shes talking tor right now hence why we spent almost the past week and half together each night
Author moodoo Posted February 25, 2010 Author Posted February 25, 2010 This morning when I woke up she had texted me, women are just so confusing! "I couldnt sleep last night, I knew you were mad at me. I want you to know I really dont want you to hate me, i wasnt really aware we were going on "dates" until maybe the last time or two we hung out this week. I enjoy your company and I really had no intention of kissing you these last few times, but sometimes things happen. I just thought we were having a good time, timing really is everything bc i have not even gotten the last of my stuff out of my ex's house. Im just not able to give you what you want right now. I really hope you dont get mad at me and I just lose you completely, I really do honestly like you, its just a really bad time for me now since Ive moved out of my ex's place and Im living on my mothers couch and working 2 jobs to just get by. You don't really know what stress is bc you have alot of money but Im struggling to barely get by and I dont think I can handle any more stress right now. I really do care about you :)"
pandagirl Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Don't let this girl play around with you. If you think you can be JUST friends with her, go ahead. It may be bad timing, but if you want something more serious, this girl isn't going to give it to you.
Author moodoo Posted February 25, 2010 Author Posted February 25, 2010 so you really think im getting played and its nothing to do with he recently breaking up with a long term bf? Whats with the kissing then?
mansquito Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 It has EVERYTHING to do with the breakup. By the law school comment, I'm going to assume that you guys are both in your mid-20's. I was in a similar situation last year - I started dating a 26-year-old girl who was a couple of months out of a 2-year relationship and had just finished grad school. Since I was fresh off of my divorce, we both agreed that we'd take things slow and have fun together. There were plenty of comments about "bad timing" all around, but we shared an amazing amount of common interests, so we thought "the hell with it, let's have some fun." A week or two in to it, she asked me to be exclusive. Three weeks in to it, she was talking about bringing me to meet her family on Thanksgiving. I went along with all of it, because I liked her and I was amazed that I'd found somebody who a) I shared so many common interests with, and b) I was attracted to, so quickly after my split. She said the same things. Four weeks in to it, three days before Thanksgiving, she went out to happy hour with a "friend" after work. I was dumped by 7PM - she fed me a line about how I was "pushing things too fast." Whatever. Turns out the "friend" was her ex. They patched things up and have been living together for close to a year. The rejection really knocked me on my ass for a few months, far more than something of that duration should have. Despite knowing intellectually that it was nothing to do with me, and even getting lucky more than a few times with more casual things, I got really hung up on this chick and a bit clinically depressed. It wasn't until I realized that BOTH she and I were grappling with an incredibly intense wash of emotions surrounding the end of (or, in her case, hiatus in) our respective long term relationships that I learned the moral of the story: Never, ever get serious with somebody who's in rebound, no matter how much you like them. Your girl has the decency and the presence of mind to tell you up front that her emotions are in turmoil right now. Be thankful for that - she's warning you ahead of time. Take those warnings to heart, lest you set yourself up for a world of hurt.
Johnny M Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 shes the one calling me and flirting with me and then making out with me at the end of dates. I just dont get it, she is way over her ex they dont even talk anymore, thats what baffles me, Im pretty sure im the only guy shes talking tor right now hence why we spent almost the past week and half together each night It could be that she's just looking for attention/validation to help her cope with the breakup. You say that the last three times ended with make out sessions. I'm assuming you did not have sex. Why not? Were you too shy to initiate or did she refuse to escalate it further? If it's the latter, it's obvious that she is not really interested in you and is just looking for attention/validation, like I said.
boogieboy Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Yep, shes full of it. She was using you as a rebound, and you didnt work for her. I dont think it was bad timing, you just fell into a trap. Remember if she was dumped, she will be looking to get back with her ex at any shot she can get. She says shes over her ex, but she isnt, even if she doesnt talk to him...which is a lie also. She was basically saying she was attracted to you, but you turned her off at some point, and she knew you couldnt make her forget about her ex. Thats it. She is texting you because she feels guilty that she used you (even though she didnt say that, but her intentions are eating her up) She couldnt sleep because shes thinking of her ex. She doesnt want you to ignore her because she doesnt want you to hate her. You MUST ignore her so she can suffer for what she did. BTW you can ignore her because you will NEVER have a chance with her again. Once a woman loses her attraction to you, thats it, never again, so you might as well let her suffer. Let her think that you hate her. She deserves it. "she said there's a chance in a little while when she graduates in may" - shes hoping you will find someone else by then, and not wait for her...but basically shes saying theres no chance. So forget about her. I truly hope you will ignore her after realizing this.
DustySaltus Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 BTW you can ignore her because you will NEVER have a chance with her again. Once a woman loses her attraction to you, thats it, never again, so you might as well let her suffer. Let her think that you hate her. She deserves it. Got to disagree here. There's two types of attraction emotional and physical. She's probably going back to the EX because he can fulfill both needs right now. But down the line if things fall apart again with him while you've moved on and stuck to NC. She'll probably snoop around again seeing the way she handles things.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 I would not wait around for her. Her interest level is high enough to be nice to you, but not high enough to date you.
boogieboy Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 I would not wait around for her. Her interest level is high enough to be nice to you, but not high enough to date you. Is that really an interest level, since she broke it off? or is her being nice to him just the way to keep her from feeling guilty, and there is no interest whatsoever?
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Yes, I can see that my post gave a little to much false hope. I probably should have said, 'she cares enough to be nice, but is not interested in dating'
Author moodoo Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 O no she wasn't dumped she actually broke up with her ex and moved out on her own. I just don't understand why she was constantly wanting to spend time with me as opposed to any of her other friends. Why would she want to kiss me? Why would she say she's attracted me but yet nothing more than kissing up to this point? Its just so confusing to me bc if im not attracted to a girl either physically or emotionally then why on earth would I spend 7 out of the last 9 nights with that person? Id see them once and leave maybe twice, but I wouldnt flirt with them all week over text and want to meet up with them constantly....right?
phineas Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 O no she wasn't dumped she actually broke up with her ex and moved out on her own. I just don't understand why she was constantly wanting to spend time with me as opposed to any of her other friends. Why would she want to kiss me? Why would she say she's attracted me but yet nothing more than kissing up to this point? Its just so confusing to me bc if im not attracted to a girl either physically or emotionally then why on earth would I spend 7 out of the last 9 nights with that person? Id see them once and leave maybe twice, but I wouldnt flirt with them all week over text and want to meet up with them constantly....right? That's way too much time to spend with someone your not living with. I'm going to give you advice I have a hard time following myself. If she was digging you, she'd be with you. Nothing in her life would be so important that she couldn't find time for you. cut her off. Tell her you don't want to be just friends & your not going to wait around for her either. Then don't contact her anymore. She knew exactly what she was doing when she made out with you. If she thinks she has power over you she will use you.
EYECANDY000 Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I seems that she was just looking for a good time like she stated. more like a FWB relationship. Yes, she dumped her bf but im sure its still taking a toll on her. in her message she expressed several times thats its bad timing, then if thats the case give her , her space. If you want to continue seeing this girl then it would just be on a casual basis.. If you cant handle that then drop her and let her go.
Lindarose84 Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 moodoo, i said it before in another one of your threads and i'll say it again- i don't think she likes you "like that." I agree with what someone else said, she likes you enough as a friend to make sure you don't hate her which is why she sent you that text. But honestly, I don't think she is interested in dating you. Yes she may have made out with you but these days that really doesn't mean anything. She was clearly using you to help get over her bf and unfortunately it didn't work so rather than continue down this path, she finally thought it would be fair to you by ending things. She's been giving you signs all over the place of her disinterest in you as anything other than a friend. Take this as a favor and move on.
spinster Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 I'd have to disagree with most of the opinions here. I do think she likes you, but there's a limit to how much she is able to like you right now, due to her recent break up. It really does sound like it is possibly mostly just bad timing. I wouldn't take it personally. Who knows what the future holds, but it wouldn't be a good idea for your health to wait around.
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