Drewy1888 Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 I have been in a long distance relationship with the girl of my dreams for about 2 years. A week ago we broke up because of the frustration of living seperate lives 2 1/2 hours away. I go to college and she works full time. She recently bought a new car so she could come see me and get to work. Her new job pays her pretty well so it wasn't a problem paying monthly for her car. When she got her car, which was a few weeks ago, something changed about her. She started going out with her friends everynight after work. This was tough on the relationship because we use to talk on the phone a lot to ease the pain while we don't see eachother. We use to see eachother every weekend and occasional days in between when i had breaks from college. Recently her pay has been cut down and she had to work some more hours. This has put a lot of stress on her so when we broke up she changed. She has turned into a girl that i'm not to familiar with. She is going out and partying all the time. Now I don't party too much but I will drink here and there. I hate to see her when she drinks a lot. During the relationship she was okay with this because she didnt want to upset me. We didnt get back together because she said she wanted some time to herself. I think she is going out and doing the things I didn't like her doing too often now. Is this a stage? She says she still loves me and wants no other guy in her life. Have girls gone through stages like this before? She has had a hard life so I think this is a way to clear her mind. How long will this take? Should I wait? It's hard to see someone that you are so close to change. I think her friends also have a lot to do with the way she has been acting. Please let me know your thought. Thank you.
foreverlove06 Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Hey, reading your post completely brings me back memories of ex who I just broke up with in November. I'm 22 and he's 24, and we went out for almost 4 years. In the beginning of the relationship I could tell that he enjoyed his beers, but... somewhere along the way it got out of hand. He could pound down 12-14 beers at a time like it was nothing (He was a big guy, but his liver still doesnt appreciate that amount of alcohol...), and he would drink when there was no need to drink (Ie: At one of my family gatherings where there really wasnt any alcohol). His father was an alcoholic, and my ex was in denial about that... Let alone about himself. He would definately drink excessively, and it hurt me immensely. There were so many times where I would tell him that he drank too much/too often, and at times would flat out tell him "I'm going to break up with you if you don't slow down your drinking."--- Nothing worked... I ended it, pretty badly, unfortunately. I think he started to realize that he was wrong & should have changed after we broke up, but it was too late at that point... The feelings I had for him had changed, I had been too hurt, too disappointed. And, I found someone else who has the same beliefs as me about drinking, as well as many other endearing qualities. It seems like shes going overboard. Yeah, it could be a phase... but then again, thats what I kept telling myself about my ex. And then one day it just hit me that 10 years down the road we would be in an unhappy marriage and he would almost definately be an alcoholic. I do understand what you are going through, its hard to watch them drink themselves to an oblivion when they know how you feel about it. And you care about them SO much that you dont know why they would do that... My main problem with it was that essentially I wasn't "more important" than beer, and that is really what it came down to in the end. At 19 you're still figuring out who you are, and because my ex and I started dating so young, his alcoholic tendencies didnt start coming out until he got a little older. As far as girls going through stages, I can tell you that when I was 19 I drank more than I did now, but there wasnt TOO much of a difference. Regardless of a "stage" i was going through, the feelings and opinions of my SO would matter more to me than the amount of alcohol I wanted to drink. So to me, stage or not, drinking shouldnt cause your SO to be upset... You should seriously sit down with her and tell her exactly how you are feeling... It could be that you two have just have incompatible views on this issue, or it could pass.... Best of luck!
boogieboy Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 Its not a phase. When she says she needs time to herself, she is breaking up with you but letting you down easy and slowly. When she says she wants no other guy in her life, shes lying, because she plans on moving on without you. So be prepared for it, she will break up with you soon. The contact will be less, and the more you try to keep in touch with her, the more she will pull away. You could either talk to her about it, or make y9ourself less available so she will miss you, and see what life is like without you. But it doesnt matter, she has grown up a little in her mind, and she wants to have a relationship that is closer to her and with someone new. Deal with it now.
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