SweetStrawberry Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 My ex-fiancée left me over four months ago. Even though I am somewhat moving on with my life, I still have days when I’m really down. I’m sure I am not the only one. I’ll briefly tell you my story. We were together for 2 years and had a wonderful relationship together. It was almost perfect. Everyone else thought we were perfect for each other. We had our wedding date scheduled for early February and had the preparations underway. About a week before we broke up, my ex told me he was getting really cold feet, wasn’t sure if we were making the right decision, felt everything happened too fast (when he was the one who wanted the wedding to be as early as possible), figured he probably wasn’t ready to get married yet. He knew he wanted to spend his rest of life with me but didn’t know if he would be able to keep me happy. He lacks self confidence and thinks he is not the nicest guy which is his biggest downfall. He then turned to his family for advice. His parents originally weren’t happy with our relationship because of a medical condition I have. It’s under control and doesn’t really affect my daily life but they felt he wouldn’t be able to live a fulfilling life if he married me. He never had a problem with my condition, accepted me as I was and was really happy with me so they eventually came around and accepted me as well. I really adored them too. But when my ex went to talk to them, they bluntly told him that they didn’t think this marriage was going to work out. He was left more confused. They began to pressure him to come up with a decision quickly. And few days later, I was dumped. He said he wouldn’t be able to keep me happy and that I deserved better. Couple of days prior to the breakup, he was ignoring me and didn’t bother talking this through. I was left devastated because I had no idea he was going to leave me. Few days after the breakup, he txted me saying he wasn’t sure if he made the right decision and wished he could turn back time. I didn’t respond. I needed to get my life back on track so I told him it’d be best if we didn’t contact each other and he respected that until a month ago I broke NC, had a weak moment and txtd him, just a friendly msg. He was really glad to hear from me. And then he txted me on the day we were meant to get married. He was apologizing for messing up things for us and told me he was feeling really low. I wasn’t in the best of shapes myself on that day and figured it’d be best if I didn’t reply. That was the last that I heard from him. I still feel strongly towards him and obviously hope he comes back. He chose to go by his family and I respected that decision even though the way it was laid out to me was cruel. I have nothing but a lot of love for him. I should be angry and hate him for what he did, but I’m not. I don’t know. Feel really lost today. I don’t know if I should contact him and tell him how I feel or stay away and move on with my life and remove the thought of getting back together with him.
bruce wayne Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 wow, thats a tough choice. wat is the first answer that comes to mind?
Author SweetStrawberry Posted February 25, 2010 Author Posted February 25, 2010 wow, thats a tough choice. wat is the first answer that comes to mind? I would take the risk and tell him how i feel and see what he has to say. But then i also think i should give this more time, maybe the feelings will subside maybe they won't. Very confused at the moment. Which is why I'm here!
Rearden Metal Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 It's been 4 months with little to no contact. And you're hurting pretty bad still. I'm assuming you haven't been able to move on and date either. I think you should call him and get it out. Put your feelings out there. The worst case scenario is that he is still confused and can't make up his mind. But the most likely scenario is that he either knows he wants another chance, or doesn't want one. If you can get him to tell you which it is, you will be able to heal and move on. Good luck, let us know how it goes!
Author SweetStrawberry Posted February 25, 2010 Author Posted February 25, 2010 Yeah, I feel that is the only way to go about it too. But i would like to hear from more people if possible.
Rearden Metal Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Usually my advice would be to go NC and be strong. But your story is a bit different... One thing I'd point out is that he probably needs to know that you don't expect things to pick up straight where they left off. It's likely that should there be some kind of reconciliation that you both need to do so with a lot more private space and individual time.
Getting_stronger Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Im a tad confused I have to say. When do people instigate NC- for what purpose really? This is a great case of circumstances forcing a decision on a couple that maybe neither was happy with? So is NC applicable? My feeling is to be open, hear his response, and decide whats in YOUR healthiest interests after that. I think thats the trick. If loving someone ADDS value, happiness, soul and warmth to your life- its in. If its anything less-it has to be out. Good luck xxx
Author SweetStrawberry Posted March 11, 2010 Author Posted March 11, 2010 Thanks guys for your support. Still haven't made that call yet. I really need to gather up more courage but what's stopping me is my family. They won't be too thrilled to find out i'm contacting him again after what happend. Its pretty messed up. Ex sent me a drunk txt last weekend. Said he couldn't lie in that state and that he really missed me and was apologising again for what he did. Next morning he sent another one. He was sorry he crossed the line and that he shouldn't be saying these things. All these apologies, do they really mean he is regretting his decision? I don't know what to think now. My heart says i should take a step forward and talk things through with him. But by doing so i would be going against my parents will. This puts me in a tough position. Life sucks right now!
monkeymaid Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 sounds like you are miserable, and he is miserable. i say call him and be miserable together.
tlegend Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Call him. Tell him how you feel, see how he feels. Clearly, both of you still have some kind of feelings toward each other. Deal with the family later. Deal with yourselves first. Your family will hopefully, in the end, always support any decisions you make.
Ilovecake Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 You know what I am probably the strongest supporter of NC on here, but your situation is very unique. Family pressure can be extremely difficult to deal with. We're raised to believe that when everyone else is gone family is the only thing we have left, it's the only constant in our lives. It's extremely difficult to go against this. You guys didn't separate because of selfish crappy actions on his part. Marriage is an extremely big decision and should not be taken lightly so you have to give him props for really thinking this through. I have a feeling that he loves you very much and is in just as much pain as you. I think in your case it would be OK to make contact but to take things slowly and both decide what you want out of life and try not to let family influence too much of your decision, in my opinion in-laws can get a little too nosy when it comes to other people's relationships, even though it's done with good intentions. I have a soft spot for your story as I have a light, manageable medical condition that my ex simply told me he did not sign on to deal with right after I found out I was sick. It was one of the most heart breaking things I ever heard someone say to me.
LovelyDaze Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 This not your typical "ex-is-a-big-ole'-jerk story. Go ahead and ask if you can go out for a cup of coffee or lunch to talk everything thru. What you need to know is why your ex is so easily influenced by his family enough to pull him away from marrying a woman he seemed to have loved. I know my family loves me something bananas and I love them too but they can't tell me who I can see or can't see. To marry someone means you are wanting to share a life with that person...a lifetime. If he doesn't seem like he wants to budge from trying to work on the problems in your relationship then for your sake, you MUST move on with your life and open yourself to finding someone who will go through life's journey with you.
Author SweetStrawberry Posted April 23, 2010 Author Posted April 23, 2010 I got my answer. I HAVE TO MOVE ON! I didn't get a chance to tell him how i feel because before i could i found out he is getting arranged to another girl (arranged marriages are common in my society). I am absolutely shattered, there's nothing i can do now. Been blaming myself for not acting on this earlier. The reason i was holding back was because i was afraid and wasn't sure how he felt about all of this. I thought if he really wanted me back he would try harder. He probably didn't want me back at all. I'll never know.
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