D-Lish Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Well here's a tip off for you- whatever the sister said to you is relevant info. Your gf has talked to the sis, and the sis has talked to you. So I am betting the dad thing is very relevant. I'm kinda guessing you guys are like 17... lol. But never under-estimate the power of an angry dad. If he wanted to meet you and you blew it off- there might have been a major ****-fest happening inside. Why didn't you go in and meet him? If he had an issue with you just pulling up and picking up his daughter without an introduction- she may think you don't care enough to make an effort. How old are you guys? It may affect my answers...
Author bballer13 Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 were both sophomores in college lol.. were both 19 years old. And I made no jokes about the bj, i mean it wasnt the first one she gave me lol.. im really not immature about things like that. And im assuming the fight with her dad was a big deal but she didnt mention it during the night at all. Ill never understand why she cant call me and talk to me like a normal person. I'm more confused than anything.
Author bballer13 Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 And when I got there I just texted her to come out and she said come to the door, but things dont really register with me. I assumed she just wasnt ready so I told her to just come out when she was ready so she said okay ill be out in a sec. She didnt show me that anything was bothering her. If she woulda told me my dad wants to meet you I would have went to the door without even thinking about it. Im not an *******, just a little retarded and these things dont register with me.
threebyfate Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Traditional courtesy and respect don't appear to be your forte. Time to buff up those skills.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 You sat in the car and texted her to come out? Jesus, what has happened to basic manners? My opinion of you would have sunk, too. At least you got a good-bye blow job.
PrettyinInk Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 "I don't care you can walk home if you want." . she is probably a little dramatic; but this statement makes you look like a jerk. IMHO.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 The OP messed up, but his now ex messed up even worse. I'm assuming she is an ex by now. You blame everything on him though. You wonder why so many men are afraid to the first move or say something funny. You never know when someone will be like his ex. I blame it on both of them, really. They both sound immature -- and this is not surprising, given that they are teenagers.
Thebob Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Just as an overview, I've been going out with this girl for over a month and I've never liked a girl and felt as comfortable as I do around this girl. She's been telling me things like how much she likes me and why would I go out with her and how i could do so much better than her ect ect and well I now realize shes full of ****. We've spent a lot of time together so this is really driving me crazy, and based on the way she acted around me I know she really liked me. It started last saturday. I picked her up to go see a movie at 7. When we got to the movie it was sold out so we bought tickets for the 9 oclock showing. In the meantime we went to my car, and I don't think this is relevant but she gave me head (just had to throw that in there).. everything was going really well.. all the vibes ive ever gotten from her have been really good, including this night. There were no signs that I picked up on telling me otherwise. We see the movie and after the movie we go back to my car and I jokingly lock her out like she always does to me every time she picks me up. She starts to walk away which annoyed me because of how hypocritical it was so when I drove to catch up to her and she got in the car all i said was "I don't care you can walk home if you want." That's literally all I said. She went into mute mode and stopped talking and started crying. She wouldn't even look at me like I was some kind of devil or something. I told her how sorry I was and how much she meant to me and how I would never do anything to intentionally hurt her ect ect. She didn' talk for over 10 minutes when she finally said "What do you want me to say? you brought up memories of my past by telling me to walk home and I was just kidding earlier." (HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT HER PAST!!!) And supposedly she had a history of bad relationships.. I again told her how sorry I was and to please forgive me for overreacting. I asked her if she wanted to go for a walk and she said she needed time to think so she got out of my car and walked away. I of course ran after her and when I caught up to her she told me she needed space so I let her go. After a few minutes passed by I called her and texted her repeatedly.. no response. An hour goes by and im still in the parking lot. I didn't know what to do. I drove around looking for her. I walked around looking for her. Finally an hour and 15 minutes later I get a text saying I'm sorry but it's not gonna work and I found a ride home. I texted her back asking her to please talk to me.. no response The next morning I woke up early because I could not sleep so I texted her again.. no response. I felt like such a bitch because I did nothing wrong but later the next day I drove to her house anyway and brought her flowers but she wasnt home so her sister told me to leave it on the mat of the front door.. no response. Her sister told me that megan had been in her room all day upset but just recently left. I haven't texted her since and have given her space. I made my point clear and whatever happens next is up to her. I've honestly lost a lot of respect for her and I'm glad I saw this side now rather than later, but its been 4 days and I havent heard from her. I hate not having closure more than anything. I think theres more to it than what happened but she's not talking to me so I have no idea what it is. It's driving me crazy that she won't even give me a call to end it like a normal mature person. I'm just so confused and I don't get why if things were going so well she would act like this.. anyone have any ideas?? its been 4 days since I last tried to contact her. Now you know what she is like, do you want to be with someone like that? Women are dumb ( sorry ladies for reading this ) but she sounds immature, and if you want to be with someone like that then go for it, if you don't then move on and get over her. I had the same kinda thing happen to me, but she told me that she wanted to have random hook ups and had a boyfriend 1.5 months later. They just use guys so they can find something better, it's retarded and now women wonder why they are treated like **** all the time now.. Thebob
Author bballer13 Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 I honestly don't see what the big deal is. The fact that she won't even talk to me. I've done nothing wrong to her, I compliment her all the time. I just don't really know the dating etiquette. That's the dumbest reason to not talk to someone. Woman say guys are all the same when really woman are all the same.. bit**es. I'm fine with it being over but I hate not having closure. I stopped expecting a phone call and I know im being a pu*** but I cant stop thinking about this. I guess things are never what they seem.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 He does need to realize that he messed up, but her response was totally disproportionate. We have NO IDEA what has happened throughout the course of these people's relationship. All we have is one side of the story from a guy who admits to doing a couple of rude, immature things. Their relationship has probably been one giant clusterf*ck, like most of them are.
Author bballer13 Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 Give it a week or 2 and i think ill be fine.. I guess things are never as good as they seem. I'm normally good at picking up vibes and i got nothing but good vibes from her.. She'd pick me up at 4 pm and without even realizing it id be back in my dorm at 2 am not even realizing wat wed done for 10 hours.. but oh well life goes on. Ive been really down the last week trying to think of everything that coulda caused her reaction and i cant think of any. I dont think that night was all that was bothering her and but this is on her and i guess ill never know what really caused this psychotic reaction. The only thing i can think of is that she took this too far and has too much pride to go back
eric82 Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 I don't even think it was about the comment offending her, I think she was testing you. She wanted to see if just by throwing a fit, she could control the degree to which you stood up for yourself. The more she withdrew, the more excessive your apologies became and the more she saw she could play you like an instrument. That's where you failed her test. Instead of confronting the situation at hand, you attempted to circumvent the conflict by simply accepting all fault. In doing so, you communicated to her that you were avoiding the problem, burying her feelings, and allowing her to blame you even if you're not at fault, simply because she was being dramatic. What you should have done is discussed what was really upsetting her and why (though I suspect she wasn't genuinely upset until you started apologizing because that turned her off -- afterall, you didn't even understand what you were apologizing for outside of doing it for the sake of appeasing her), voiced your concerns and negotiated a fair resolution. If she continued to refuse to address the real issue bothering her, you should have withdrew till she came to you to talk. Prematurely apologizing doesn't solve the problem. She withdrew and told you it can't work because a woman can't stay attracted to a man who buckles under pressure and lets her mood swings change his reasoning. She needs a strong man who grounds her. When she acts immature or unreasonable, you have to call her on it or she will lose respect for you, and in turn, her attraction to you.
Author bballer13 Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 Thats really ****ed up then. She started crying and walking away to test me? Are people really that cruel and ****ed up? So I haven't talked to her in over a week because she was testing me? For some reason I can't believe that but if it is then I guess I'll fail every test lol
Author bballer13 Posted February 28, 2010 Author Posted February 28, 2010 And if a girl's that much of a bitch I'd rather not date her at all, it just confuses the sh** outta me that she isnt even a good enough to person to call me
threebyfate Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Okay bballer, now that you've cast all fault at her feet, do you feel better? Do you think you've learned anything from this beyond stating what a psycho bitch she is?
eric82 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Thats really ****ed up then. She started crying and walking away to test me? Are people really that cruel and ****ed up? So I haven't talked to her in over a week because she was testing me? For some reason I can't believe that but if it is then I guess I'll fail every test lol I don't think her crying was the test. The test was her initial reaction to being locked out of your car and silently walking away, which she later said was her kidding. By the time she was crying, I think she was reacting to you becoming overly apologetic and begging for her forgiveness. She was probably crying because she felt sorry for herself that she'll never find a good man who's both nice to her but also won't falter and turn into a wuss. You've even said it here, the whole situation has made you feel like a pussy, so it's no wonder how she could lose her attraction to you. I don't think she was intentionally setting you up for a test either. It probably started off unconsciously and unplanned -- in the moment like most do -- but then unfolded due to your reactions. If you had handled it more stoically, I'm sure it would have went down more in your favor. Maybe you locking her out triggered how she felt in a past relationship, or maybe she was just kidding until she saw you getting all worked up. Either way the point is, it wasn't all your fault that she got upset or was pretending to be. Therefore, you shouldn't have been eager to accept all the blame and chase her down apologizing. Apologize for what, her being dramatic or her trying to manipulate your emotions? I think she unconsciously wanted you to show her she was being wrong by not supporting her behavior, and of course doing this without her having to tell you, because then she would know deep down that you're a man she can count on. She wanted you to stand up to her, not submit to restore the peace. Even if it extremely pissed her off and caused her to not want to talk to or see you, I almost guarantee once she calmed down, she would have come to you with an apology and a greater sense of respect for you standing up to her unreasonable behavior. Before you start focusing on her tests seeming cruel or her not giving you enough of a chance, realize that women test men like this all the time, especially near the beginning of a relationship, and it usually isn't intentional. Think of it this way, her testing meant she liked you so much that she was delving into your true character. She was testing the potential of the relationship and determining whether you could fulfill her emotional needs in a partner. If she didn't care, she wouldn't have bothered to test you. Whether they admit it to you or even themselves, women test men's character in indirect ways and it's something you can't avoid in relationships. If she denies it, that's because usually it happens in the moment without her meaning to or even being aware of it. Hindsight always reveals the truth. I've learned to not take it personally and to not feel like a failure if you fail a test. If you lose her, it's not you failing, it's you learning that the two of you are incompatible and you learning more about women in the context of relationships. With that said, don't think of women as evil bitches for testing you, it's in their nature to seek strength in a man and how else are they to find it? No man in his right mind is going to tell a female he's attracted to that he's soft and easy to emotionally dominate. I don't doubt she was into you, but that's kind of the point, isn't it? The more passionate a woman is about you, the more intense and ridiculous she will act in conflicts with you. It's your job to stay level-headed when she acts up. She may become unreasonable and blow minor things way out of proportion because she cares so much that her emotions overtake her logic. This is especially true of younger, less experienced women. Factor her estrogen and beauty into the equation and come to realize how and why she would feel entitled and always right in the moment (because most men condone it). Yeah a lot of this doesn't make sense when you're first learning how women really tick, but there is a sense to it as long as you're willing to open your mind, acknowledge reality and react accordingly. Whether she understands or admits it to herself or you, I think uses tests because she needs to feel that even when she has meltdowns, you won't also turn to mush; you'll be there to pull her out of it. See, your role in it all is to figure out whether her behavior shows she's compatible with you, and whether she's worth your time and effort. If she's unwilling to talk and meet you half way, you have to walk or else she'll lose respect for you and leave you.
Author bballer13 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 well what i did learn from this situation ms sexist fate is that not to apologize when I did nothing that warranted an apology. And eric that does make sense to a certain degree, and I really do think she was really into me but I dont think that deserves the way she broke up with me, and if ur right and it was a test, i failed miserably lol. I guess you gotta learn and move on. Thx for the info though.
eric82 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I know what you mean dude. I've been broken up with in ****ty ways too, cheated on, etc. It's never about you deserving to be treated this way. Don't internalize her behavior. Her behavior is about her choices and her feelings. It also doesn't mean everything good that happened prior to the end was a lie. Yeah she really liked you. Appreciate the good times for what they were. But then come to terms with the fact that she lost respect for you due to how you acted, plain and simple. In her mind, you went from the guy she likes to suck off to just another wuss whom she doesn't care enough about to be considerate of his feelings, let alone break up with properly. That's how she can go from hot to cold so quickly; she doesn't care about you anymore and let's face it, she female. She knows there are dozens of other dudes eager to try to take your place. Harsh but true. But rather than dwell on that, focus on how she handled the breakup and what this says about her character and your compatibility with her. Hopefully you learned she's not right for you and how to better communicate with females in general during conflict. Even if you care about a girl, never let her turn you into a pussy. This might seem pretty insignificant now, but it makes a huge difference in how most women treat you for now on. Chances are they won't need to test to see how you will react in this kind of situation because your demeanor will command more respect than that in other situations. If from this you learn to treat a woman well but also stick up for yourself, then this wasn't a miserable failure, consider it a victory.
Author bballer13 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 To be honest I've only been in a few meaningless relationships in my life and I will definitely learn from this one in future ones. I really dont understand woman thats for sure. I didn't know something so meaningless to me could be so complex. You've been a lot of help and I'm gonna take your advice to heart. With all that knowledge stored up you could definitely write a book haha
threebyfate Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 Ummm...no offense intended eric, but she didn't lose respect for him because he apologized or acted like a pussy. She lost respect for him because he was acting like a jerk, with zero courtesy and respect. But I do agree that her reactions were over-the-top. bballer, you and eric have a lot to learn about women.
Author bballer13 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 over the top??? 7 days later and i still havent heard from her. That's a little more than over the top. That's psychotic. I admit telling her to walk home was mean but I apologized for it and even brought her flowers. No one deserves to feel the way I felt like the last week for doing nothing to derserve that type of response but I'm over it now. And i do think Eric has a point. And I've learned quite a bit about woman from this or at least this specific one.. that she's a heartless narcissistic b**** who cares for no one's feelings but her own. At least have the decency to call if anything.
eric82 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 (edited) I didn't mean that she lost respect only because he turned into a pussy, but that he did so after acting like a hard ass jokingly telling her to walk home. Take things in context. He went jerk to wuss in a matter of seconds. It's the worst of both worlds, the one-two knock out. Had he kept his composure and addressed the real underlying issue (i.e. not what he said or did, but how she was feeling and why), maybe things could have been resolved. Once he saw she wouldn't accept his apology and was unwilling to discuss the real issue, he should have at least respected the space she was creating by backing off and letting her come to him after she had calmed down. Based on her immature behavior and general avoidance though, the way things panned out didn't surprise me at all. It showed how she handles conflicts with people she doesn't really care about and more importantly it exposed their incompatibility. After all, wouldn't a girl who gets his jokes and likes his sense of humor be better suited as his girlfriend anyways? Edited March 1, 2010 by eric82
SadandConfusedWA Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 I would pretty much react the same way that she did. I hope she doesn't go back on her word and ends it for good. Your comment was cruel and in no way funny. Girls and guys have different sense of humor and random cruel comments add up over time. Given how clueless you seem to be about women in general, you probably made god knows how many similar comments during the course of your dating. Girls want to be with guys who make them feel good about themselves rather than insensitive j#rks that make them feel like s$it. Also, your angry posts in this thread further confirm that you have no respect for women. This girl made the right decision.
eric82 Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 And i do think Eric has a point. And I've learned quite a bit about woman from this or at least this specific one.. that she's a heartless narcissistic b**** who cares for no one's feelings but her own. That wasn't my point at all. She wasn't the right girl for you. If she was, she would have joked you in return.
Author bballer13 Posted March 1, 2010 Author Posted March 1, 2010 That wasn't the first time I've locked her out first of all.. she found it funny every other time and has done the same thing to me EVERY time shes picked me up. You hope she doesnt go back on her word? I dont want her to go back on her word. I've treated her so well and have been nothing but sweet and considerate to her and in no way did i deserve for her to break up with me in the most cruel way possible. So what you're saying is that in every relationship you've been in you've never said anything mean or inconsiderate based on a a bad mood or overreacting? I highly doubt that. The only thing you could do after that is apologize and move on.
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