He said he needed "space", been 3 wks w/little contact, just saw him on personal ads!

[Sassygirl2]

I could use some male perspective here........

 

My soon-to-be-ex-bf told me he needed space and didn't want to have an intimate relationship with me about 3 wks ago now. We have had limited contact - met for coffee once and dinner once and sent a few texts here and there. For the most part I am giving him space and he is not calling me.

 

I met this man who I fell madly in love with on the personals a year ago. Last Sunday, I was looking at my email and saw an ad for the personals so I thought I'd check it out and see if he was on there. Low and behold, YES, he had updated his profile (somewhat) and added a picture on Saturday. I tried not to panic and thought I'd better calm down before saying anything to him. I met him for coffee on Monday night and I asked him if we could be honest with each other. He said, "Of course!" I brought up the personal ad and he said, "Yes, I was looking on there but I made my profile unsearchable and I am not doing anything with it right now." He then gave me his phone to show me that he is not talking with anyone. (I didn't even bother looking)

 

Then he said, "Well what were you doing on there?" I then told him that I was looking to see if HE was on there! I did a search and couldn't find him but he had been in my old mailbox so I was able to see his current profile.

 

I explained to him that NOW I am really confused as he SAID he wasn't looking to date other people and needed some space to figure out what he wanted to do (3 wks. ago). I asked him how he would feel if the situation were turned around? He didn't say anything. We left the coffee place on good terms because I am trying to be respectful and not freak out on him. He also asked me if I wanted to see a movie and have dinner on Sunday with him. I said "sounds good" and he said he would call me. I know this Sunday thing would be awkward because it would be as friends which is too hard for me.

 

I am trying to be cool about what's going on but inside I am a wreck. I love this man, I miss this man, but I am not going to sit by and let him walk all over me or am I?

 

Could he really believe that he is doing nothing wrong with being "unsearchable" on the personal ads but adding a current picture on Saturday? Help! What the heck is he doing by asking me to do something on Sunday now? I'm really confused.

[GrayClouds]

Space is his way of saying that he wants to keep you on the hook in case he can not find anything better.

 

There no reason to be cool about what is going on unless you like the idea of being someones second choice.

 

Walk away it is time to go NC and move beyond this guy.

[The Paper Knight]

I'm really confused.

 

space = I am no longer into you/I am keeping my options open

friends = don't call me, i'll call you. NOT!

 

These are the two biggest deal breakers going around.

 

Whenever you here these words, simply get up or hang up and walk away.

 

Good luck

[LucreziaBorgia]

he SAID he wasn't looking to date other people

 

Quite a few people who break up say that. It is less hurtful than the truth.

[Sassygirl2]

Thanks everyone.....that's what I thought too. It hurts but I don't want to be anyone's backup.

[carnegie]

Thanks everyone.....that's what I thought too. It hurts but I don't want to be anyone's backup.

I think it's good for you, sassygirl2. Being someone's backup is the most terrible idea. when someone loves you, they know where you are and how to get in touch with you, and nothing can stop them beating down your front door to see you. I'm sure that you can do the same thing to see your honey when you're in love, dont you?

Just go NC and focus on YOUR own life. Time actually for YOU, not for HIM.

Hope you can get over it!

Best regards!

[LostInLimbo]

Could have been worse, you could have happen to you what did to me, I was with someone, who was on a dating service, my single freind (male told me her found her profile and sent it to me)

 

so in not so many words, be thankful he left and didn't do it while you were both together, just my opinion....

 

LiL

[Sassygirl2]

Yeah, I see what you are all saying. I don't know why people can't just tell the truth and say "It's Over!" It's like the cowards way out by saying "I need space" and "want to be friends".

 

I blew it today and sent him a text and asked him if he was waiting for me to walk away. He answered "What?" Then I said that I missed him and that I wasn't going to sit around and wait for him to make up his mind. My friend told me that it sounds like I'm asking for "pity" which I don't want! So now I'm kicking myself in the ass for even texting him......

[GrayClouds]

Yeah, I see what you are all saying. I don't know why people can't just tell the truth and say "It's Over!" It's like the cowards way out by saying "I need space" and "want to be friends".

 

I blew it today and sent him a text and asked him if he was waiting for me to walk away. He answered "What?" Then I said that I missed him and that I wasn't going to sit around and wait for him to make up his mind. My friend told me that it sounds like I'm asking for "pity" which I don't want! So now I'm kicking myself in the ass for even texting him......

 

Do not kick yourself you just thought yourself an important lesson. Any conversation with him at this point:

 

A. Boost his ego because you still care

B. Relieve his guilt because he was such a good guy wanting to be friends

c. Make you feel worse

 

Or combination of all three. So now you know for good, NC and that means text, email, facy-facebook stalking, myspacing, phone or in person...No contact, it is time to heal and grow.