BserBuff Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) Ok this is a really long story so im going to try and condense it as much as possible. Iv been with a girl for 8 years and have always been faithful to her. We have a five year old daughter together and have lived with one another ever since she gave birth. We both had jobs for the first year of living together, she then went to nursing school ( I was going to school this whole time and finelly got a small degree) so Iv been supporting us for the past 4 years. 6 months ago she got a job and we moved out of our home town. Iv been taking care of our daughter and not working untill she starts school. I had this good 6 years ago job and thought my boss was cool. He was twenty years older than me and always tried to b my mentor but I always would question his life (divorces, friends, etc..) when he questioned mine. He knew about the first time she cheated on me and always told me once a cheater always a cheater. I was denied several promotions and eventually just started getting bad vibes from him (because he was talking to my gf in the office while i was working) so I quit and took a crappy job with more hours. A year after i quit i finally have to snatch my gf phone so i could get a password for her bill. She grabs our daughter and drives to her mothers. I soon find my old bosses number everwhere. She had been seeing him for more than a year. The way he started talking to her was telling her to be better to me because I was about to get her a ring. That soon turned into ur bf is trash and he'll never work (she took this to heart even though we said i wouldnt work untill or daughter started school), he'll always treat u bad blah blah blah. Turns out she said she loved him (but didnt mean it) and they had plans about moving in and all that. She now says she wants to b with only me and for the past two months (thats when i found out) she hasnt contacted him but he has tried contacting her. I beilieve right now she only wants me and our family. She has had another fling I found out about 4 years ago with another man. She said that basically she tried to sleep with him but he never made the move so they didnt do anything sexually. I forgave her for that and pretty much kept her locked down for a year. I started to let her go back out and a year and a half after that she started messing with my boss. Our sex life was rocky for the first couple years but by the time off her starting to cheat it was really good for the both of us. Its never been better than it is now though. I told her if she told me everything, went to counseling with me, never hide her phone, never go out without me, and basically just show me more love and b a friendlier person. So she swore on our daughters life about a bunch of things that turned out to be a lie (she actually ended up telling the truth, thats how i knew it was a lie) and a bunch of other lies. SHe has went to counseling for one session but hasnt but me on the phone bill that she has only been paying for since the past 6 months. Sorry for the novel but i need help Edited February 24, 2010 by BserBuff
Author BserBuff Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) I really dont know if I can forgive her this time. After reading around the site a little, iv come to the conclusion (which i kinda already had) that my lack of nc and getting myself in a happier place for a while is hindering my ability to forgive. I moved in with my parents for 2 weeks and got me a job after I found out but i let her back into my life to quickly. I think a lot of it was i felt like it was my home too (even though she pays the rent) Im too old to b staying with my parents and i worked hard to get my family where we are at now. It will b hard for me to get a place to stay and find another job but i know i could do it. I tried to steer my family into a happier place but i feel she has ruined everything. I wanted to edit my other post but i cant so here's more info. As soon as i got everything moved to our new house and had quit my job, me and my gf got in a bad argument and she tried to break up with me through a fuc in text message. weve been a couple for seven years and she uses text messaging to break it off after i had quit, spent the rest of my saved money moving, and working so hard (just me and one buddy) to get everything moved two hours away she does this. Shortly after seattleing in our new house she starts telling me i need a job even though we agreed (before we moved) that i would barely make enough to cover child care. So i say ok and try to get a job (im not huge on sitting at home all day) but despite my most vigerous efforts i cant get anything. Not even the minimul wage jobs, and i now wonder weather these potential employers were contacting my previous employers. Edited February 24, 2010 by BserBuff
Author BserBuff Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 50 views and no replies. Ok how about this: would you forgive someone that did this to u?
McGrupp Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 **** no. u deserve better man. man up, walk away, take of your daughter, but dont take care of your GF or whatever she is. move the **** on. you can get back everything in this world, but time. go find someone who respects and you dont have to keep on "lock down"
Author BserBuff Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 All my friends always told me I was stupid for letting her go out with her friends but in the end that was always an excuse to go see another man. Ur right I cant and never wanted to have to keep her on lock down but some times it seems to me that if u let a girl do any kind of club (i know this not where good people go to have a good time) thing then thats whats going to happen. I was never really into that scene, but i went with her and tried to have a good time but it was like after that she didnt want me to go. I offered but she knew i really didnt want to go. Maybe no one is answering because its obvious that I know what I should do. But swan is right its hard to change but iv always thought I was good at it. I still feel like, now if I could just let her love me things actually might be different.
Author BserBuff Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 I still need opinions, any input would be appreciated.
sugarmomma Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 From what I've read I think the chances of her cheating again are pretty high. You have to be with someone who shares your values. You value monogomy and family and she values going to clubs etc. You also should have never stopped working. A woman will sometimes lose respect for a man with no financial support. I would suggest that you detach from her emotionally, find employment, get in the gym, be a good father, work on yourself and everything else will fall into place. You have to take the focus OFF the relationship for now. It is extremely painful and unhealthy. She is dishonest and uncaring of how her behavior affects you and your family.
sally4sara Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 All my friends always told me I was stupid for letting her go out with her friends but in the end that was always an excuse to go see another man. Ur right I cant and never wanted to have to keep her on lock down but some times it seems to me that if u let a girl do any kind of club (i know this not where good people go to have a good time) thing then thats whats going to happen. I use to go dancing once a week and I've never cheated. If you want to find a new path in life and a better quality partner, try sticking to the facts. She didn't cheat on you because she went clubbing. She cheated because she had no integrity. Work on how to connect with people who have some integrity rather than make the next girl you meet a practical hostage or hobble her so she can't go dancing.
Author BserBuff Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 (edited) I def agree with everything being said. Yes I do put a very high value on family thats y its so hard to leave. I know u guys are doing nothing but giving good advice but its not ur kid that ul be leaving. I know I wont really be leaving her but thats what it feels like. Do u think she will change? I dont want to make excuses for her but nevermind....i hate her Edited February 26, 2010 by BserBuff
NopeNah Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 I was in similar situation a while back. Was married to a serial cheater and we had a daughter together. I'd take her back 'for the kid' only to have history repeat itself. Sounds to me like she has zero respect for you..get out now and be a great dad! Lots of good people out there that won't act that way....find one of those and never look back..good luck!
Author BserBuff Posted March 6, 2010 Author Posted March 6, 2010 Did she beg for u back and did you try counseling (even though i dont think itll help me but maybe her)?
Green Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 If I were you I would leave her. Keep a good relationship with your daughter. Only talk to your gf to help your daughter out. Leave her, and move on with your life.
nowomanocry Posted March 6, 2010 Posted March 6, 2010 i soon find my old bosses number everwhere. She now says she wants to b with only me and for the past two months (thats when i found out) she hasnt contacted him but he has tried contacting her. I beilieve right now she only wants me and our family. --> once a cheater always a cheater . Is this what you get in return for your loyaly???? She has had another fling i found out about 4 years ago with another man. She said that basically she tried to sleep with him but he never made the move so they didnt do anything sexually. I forgave her for that and pretty much kept her locked down for a year. I started to let her go back out and a year and a half after that she started messing with my boss. Our sex life was rocky for the first couple years but by the time off her starting to cheat it was really good for the both of us. Its never been better than it is now though. I told her if she told me everything, went to counseling with me, never hide her phone, never go out without me, and basically just show me more love and b a friendlier person. so she swore on our daughters life about a bunch of things that turned out to be a lie (she actually ended up telling the truth, thats how i knew it was a lie) and a bunch of other lies. She has went to counseling for one session but hasnt but me on the phone bill that she has only been paying for since the past 6 months. Sorry for the novel but i need help--> swearing on a lie on her own daughters life... I can forgive anything , but ffs not that. That is way out of order... Wot a s..t! Dump her , shift delete woteva, prove she cheated, take your daughter and move on:..
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