Woggle Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 I have enjoyed reading this thread very much. I fit the "nice guy" stereotype, and have had very little success with women. When I read literature on what I need to do to become successful with women, I see something that just isn't me. Everything is counter-intuitive. Oh, well...maybe I'll find a compassionate woman one day, rather than the jerks who have walked all over me. Like I said before you can't fake being a jerk. A man has to get the point where he simply does not give a damn about treating a woman well and that is when things around. Most players I know are former nice guys who reached that point.
homersheineken Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Like I said before you can't fake being a jerk. A man has to get the point where he simply does not give a damn about treating a woman well and that is when things around. Most players I know are former nice guys who reached that point. It's not so much about being a jerk, but being confident and not willing to take crap. Jerks have those qualities too, but they treat women like crap. You can be confident and not willing to take crap without treating women like a jerk.
Barky Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 You can be confident and not willing to take crap without treating women like a jerk. Actually, I don't think you can. And even if there is a line of demarcation, quite honestly I don't think a 'nice guy' should be trying to find that line. He should push the 'jerk' behavior until he really gets it and then pull back to a middle ground. I never have any sympathy for guys who say, "Well all that jerk behavior just isn't me, oh well." They will be walked on by women their whole lives. And they'll deserve it.
Woggle Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Actually, I don't think you can. And even if there is a line of demarcation, quite honestly I don't think a 'nice guy' should be trying to find that line. He should push the 'jerk' behavior until he really gets it and then pull back to a middle ground. I never have any sympathy for guys who say, "Well all that jerk behavior just isn't me, oh well." They will be walked on by women their whole lives. And they'll deserve it. The thing is that being a jerk has to come natural. You have to be hardened by being walked on which means that a man has to learn the hard way. I had to learn the hard way and so has every other man I have known.
nddb Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 But I feel sorry for guys who have to stay in that "jerk" or "hardened" mode. You cannot have a real meaningful relationship because you can't be free to be yourself in a loving relationship and have to be calculating all the time (unless you have become jaded, which is a real tragedy). Every guy should find a girl with whom the trust and sharing is total. They are out there--rare--but they are out there. But nowadays, men have to be on guard, and that I understand too. I'm just glad I'm not in the market these days.
Woggle Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 But I feel sorry for guys who have to stay in that "jerk" or "hardened" mode. You cannot have a real meaningful relationship because you can't be free to be yourself in a loving relationship and have to be calculating all the time (unless you have become jaded, which is a real tragedy). Every guy should find a girl with whom the trust and sharing is total. They are out there--rare--but they are out there. But nowadays, men have to be on guard, and that I understand too. I'm just glad I'm not in the market these days. Unless a man wants to live a celibate life he has to be a jerk.
nddb Posted February 27, 2010 Posted February 27, 2010 Unless a man wants to live a celibate life he has to be a jerk. Pre-marriage, yes to a certain extent. Post-marriage: If you have to do this, you have made a bad choice. Should not have married and put your life, kids, assets at risk. There are sweet, content, sexy, not-always-in-your-face and loyal women out there and they are not easy to find, but there are.
Barky Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Well I agree with you both in different ways. I think a man has to progress through a 'jerk phase' but keep in mind, as I always say, what's a "jerk" to a man might be "normal guy" to a girl and what's "nice" to a man might be "total pansy" to a girl. So you have to go through these phases to see what maximizes the quality of relationship(s) you want.
Woggle Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Well I agree with you both in different ways. I think a man has to progress through a 'jerk phase' but keep in mind, as I always say, what's a "jerk" to a man might be "normal guy" to a girl and what's "nice" to a man might be "total pansy" to a girl. So you have to go through these phases to see what maximizes the quality of relationship(s) you want. I think if a man puts himself first and stops giving a damn about what women think then he is halfway there.
louie83 Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 And when a woman like that says "Where are all the good men?" I will tell them the truth: "You wouldn't even know what to do if you found one". Well said. Couldn't agree more!
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