What if he asks 4 2nd chance if I'm asking for closure?

[babyswan]

My ex and I split last week after 2 1/2 yrs. I gave him some ultimatums about the relationship saying I couldn't carry on. I've tried to solve these problems with him before several times and never been sucessful. It was him who KIND OF ended things - he said he can't carry on but next day said he wouldn't say it was the end, just we are not together and doesn't know if we ever will be again. I think he finished things because he really does not like to be challenged on anything and this was his bomb - to end it... o h yeah, and slightly back pedal. I said if he wasn't prepared to make the changes I'm gone.

 

So I'm almost done packing to move out. He's been away working and is back in a few days. He has hurt me many times with not much consideration. It seems his priorities do not include me very highly even though he says they do. He does eventually do a quick fix with me and says he'll try and I am normally happy with that..... but then then problem arises again. He's not a monster, he has been good to me too BUT he has also been nasty and inconsiderate over the same things many times.

 

Apart from practical things I have said NC. I'm still moving out and there is still practical stuff to sort so we can't be completely NC. I am thinking of talking to him to tell him why I can't carry on and to try and get closure. I don't want to split but I can't live with certain things any longer that he is not prepared to comprimise on or look at. Now things are really serious and I am packed to go... what if he has a change of heart? I have a list of conditions that he has to meet: more time with me having a home and love life and less time in work, cutting out his ex who still hounds us, a ring on my finger to say he is totally committed to me with intent to marry - coz I want a family and if he doesn't I'm not interested, of course I'd only marry if things got to the point where we were good again, and finally I have said counselling for him to help him understand his emotions better (and other people's feelings) and couselling for us. Yeah... I'm not asking a lot am I? But I have to be absolutely honest about what would make it work for me right? I thought if he says yes, he has to start it all rolling for 2-3 of months before we start thinking about living together again.... and in a different house.

 

OK ok.. I'm dreaming. Should I stay NC apart from practical things and if he contacts me over things THEN give him the conditions? Or should I get closure on this and present the conidtions to him when he gets home in a few days? I'm not sure how I will deal with things whilst he has still not said that it's all over for good. But maybe I should give him time to think..... and maybe I should TRY to find other guys attractive... coz right now, it feels like he's the only one I want. I haven't completely let go.. sometimes I have.... most of the time I haven't. Maybe I should. Should I just leave it and move on?.... and somehow try and FORCE myself into closure... I'm not sure I can.... help!!

[DenverBachelor]

For some reason I read that as 42nd chance and was going to ask if you were dating Douglas Adam's son or if there was a bulldozer right outside your house.

[BserBuff]

I dont think ur demands r unresonable. I noticed u mentioned a few problems u would not go into detail on which makes me wonder if both of u have been faithful to one another. If u have, it sounds to me like he really does want to be with u, its just he is a man and in a sense is going to try and get away with as little work as possible as far as the relationship is concerned. So i say if he wants u back, then make ur case and see how it goes.

[babyswan]

Yeah, we've both been totally faithful. I just read your post and I really feel for you what you are going through, you are trying so hard - I wish my ex tried so hard! My ex does have his own company - so my demands for more time together are not small ones.... he'd have to change or cut down his business or something. I feel he is really, and has really missed out on life and will just continue to work himself to death. Maybe money is more important to him.... I wish he would be at home.... we both love being at home... he's missing out... I'm missing out...

 

I'm just deciding whether to talk to him

or

wait and see if he wants to talk to me first

 

I think you are a very good man for all your efforts and quite frankly I think you shuld move on to find someone who you can be at peace with. YOu deserve it. You sound very determined and loyal..... she does not deserve such a good man.

[BserBuff]

I def think u should wait it out, its one of the things i should of done. If he wants u for sure he will come back. Now that whats been done has been done its what u need to do. You say he ended things so...yeah. I do believe ur pressuring him too much about work though. I would do this all the time with my gf (besides i was just working on mine or my buddys cars, its a huge hobby of mine and I wasnt getting paid for it), at least he is building a future and is making money doing it. Iv always heard the first few years u own a business u will most likely lose a little money and devote most of ur time to work. It gets better once the company grows larger and is actually making money. I really believe if u love him u will support him on this. Every relationship needs time togather and iv always wished my gf was more clingy lol but u have to support urself.

 

As far as my situation goes, i believe ur right. I dont know what im doing here. I tell her i hate her everyday now. it hurts so bad im getting teary eyed now. I love my daughter and would hate to see her have a step dad and step mom. I wasnt raised this way and i want nothing more than to be able to forget about this and move on with my gf. I love her

 

LOL i always told my gf i wanted to start my own business and she never supported me on it. I think it was because she thought i would fail. Of course now she says she'll support it.

Edited February 24, 2010 by BserBuff

[babyswan]

Every relationship needs time togather.....

 

I think I will just have to accept that he doesn't have the time for me. I want a family... with him... but not just to be bringing up the kids on my own whilst he's at work. I do admire him working so hard, he does make alright money... but at the end of the day, even though I have my own goals I'm working on, as well as supporting him by doing all the housework, cooking, supporting him with his hobbies (cars too funnily enough) and his business... there is just nothing or very little left for me. He's got it all with me.. I've got v little from him... Yeah I'll be looked after moneywise but that AINT gonna keep me happy. So yeah... I've got to support myself. At least I have got something for myself going on...

 

Awww... you're making me feel sad for you.*hug*. You know, step mom's and dad's aren't always monsters. You could find yourself a wonderful woman who will be great with your daughter and help and encourgae you with your business. Focus on being the best for your daughter and best for you. Maybe start by looking into starting up that business? I just wish my ex would stop being such a control freak and go and get some help with his work so he can relax more...

 

I guess time will tell for the both of us. It's just hard to believe that I am ever going to love someone out there who is'nt my ex.. becuase like you... although I'd be gone if he cheated ... but like you, I really have been 100% committed. I don't want to love anyone else... I can't or don't even want to look at anyone else.... but then I would hate my closure to be finding out he has been with someone else.... so maybe I should hurry along and away..... making changes is hard... I sure miss the familiarity of the things we used to do... but I don't miss all the S***. I supopse what keeps me going is thinking that I have had someone who loved me more than this before... who made me feel secure and safe....

 

I think I'm gonna wait for him to come to me and just keep moving forward.. after all, he called it a day on me...

 

good luck petal..... you sound like a decent guy... be kind to yourself and I would go so far as to say even to your ex...well, at least be civil - just to keep the relationship good for your daughter. Keep your dignity and self-respect, a model for your daughter to look up to and not one her mom will bad mouth! You can do it! Stay strong. *hugs*

[BserBuff]

hmmmm....so theres someone else ur hoping for? Who is he? an ex? what happend to that relationship? I dont know, my girlfriend said she did this because she was lonely (there is no excuse for cheating), so if u feel that way u need to just leave. Have u honostly tried to support him with work? Maybe u should try to get involved in it with him. If he owns it Im sure he would have something for u to help with or take ownership of. Something u can enjoy doing and be able to relate to him with. Who knows though that could cause more problems.

 

Im afraid if I leave she will become this person Iv wanted my whole life. Im afraid that she will learn a true lesson from this and impliment it with another man. I want Someone who loves, is loyal, supportive, i mean she barely helps around the house and she is just now doing stuff cause she feels guilty she was caught. Even when i was working, going to school, and taking care of our daughter I did just about everything. I think if i stay, she'll just get back into her normal rutine and eventually (I say 3 years) will be cheating on me again.

[babyswan]

No there's no way I would get back with him (the ex who was good to me)! Not at all - and he is married now with kids, it was over 10 years ago and I'm very happy for him and respectfully don't contact him at all. We split because we were - in the end - just friends rather than lovers, we were lovers at one point but it faded into a friendship fairly quickly, tho we lived with it like that for too long....

 

Cheating is not on my mind at all ..well.. i suppose technically it's not cheating anyway as we are not together.. but... he really is the only man on my mind and has been all the time we have been together.... I have got very involved with his business at points but I have to do stuff for myself aswell... otherwise I am giving him absolutely every minute of my life which would leave me high and dry should it all come to an end. Plus I think it's healthy to have your independance in the relationship too. Christ I couldn't put up with him being s*** with me in work and at home! The business is fairly specialised which is why I can't really help as much as I would like to... which is also why he is reluctant to get someone in to help. I really feel I have done all I can - most of our time in the evenings was us chatting about work or zoning out to swtich off from it. Even when he was really cranky I would just take the crap because I knew he was stressed and would try to help him think positively, support him, problem solve, suggest ideas, massages, baths, beers, food.. you name it I tried to support him! I think that is worth bearing in mind if you do want to start your own business.. ie: how much time it takes from you.

 

Have you been to relationship counselling with yuor ex? Maybe you could get a greater understanding of each other in couselling? You could ask her - but make no promises it would work out. It may even help you move on.

 

Well I understand that fear where she might become someone else with out you... I feel the same about my ex.. that the next person he meets will be the one who he makes the sacrifices for.. and not me. Thing is though, if we were the right person for them, they would treat us with love and respect as a priority. It's true you could get someone out there who is willing to share the housework, who wants to work as a team, support you.. I mean we are both, or were both giving SO much... it hurt that they didn't do the same. Some people are givers and others are takers. Ideal combination must be 2 givers right? So I think I am gonna look for a giver... once I've got closure...

[BserBuff]

WOW!! very well put. I cant argue with a word you said. In the end we dont know about each others relationships. It seems to me that you have done everything you could do and I guess its time for you to move on. Ur post title says your ready for closure? R u? There is no way u need to contact him. I think u giving him ultimatums was for the best. Hopefully he is messing up at work trying to ponder these ultimatums lol. But seriously that was well put and unlike me I believe u are on the right track. Also unlike me I know I wasnt always the giver(not that she was ever much of one either), thinking back now I know I left her alone to many nights for whatever reason. I dont know if that would of changed anything but I would hate to leave her now not knowing this fact.

 

She just left for work and told me she loved me and that its becoming clear to her that I dont want to b with her. All my dumbass can say to that is well it was clear to me that u didnt love me for the past 4 years.

Edited February 25, 2010 by BserBuff

[babyswan]

Am I ready for closure? well..... so many people have helped me over the past week whilst I have been a wreck - if I went back they would all be thinking "Oh no, not again!". And I'd be... oh but but but.... I'd be so embarrassed to get back with him..

 

but do I want to? Well yes, if he agrees to the conditions... btw he has only had 1 conidtion so far and he just said I was crazy and said that's it... but he hasn't had the list, that is for if he comes back. I know what he is like tho - when his back is against the wall he spits. Then calms down. Then throws a few breadcrumbs to get me sweet. Then things are fine for a while until one of the other issues comes up again. That's why my conditions are a lot stronger than ever... but.... he's never called it quits like this before and nor have I been so strong in telling him what I need or I'm going. We have been unhappy for a while and something needs to change.... he's happy with me, got everything he needs... he's unhappy I am unhappy with him. But... I love him... but just cannot be hurt by him again.

 

 

To me it seems I have tried to sort the things out that cause problems so many times and he just continues to hurt me over and over without caring how I feel about it. I'm not even sure he has the ability to understand how other people feel! I just see a repetition of behaviour that I have made clear hurts me .... but still he continues because all he thinks is that I'm being crazy, rather than thinking - oh god, no please, I don't want to hurt you, I love you and when you hurt it hurts me too.... hahahahah! none of that! I'm laughing because it is just so far from how he is about it. If some guy really said that to me I think I'd faint!

 

Have you guys been to marriage counselling? You are obviously and understandably very hurt. You are saying some things on here I wonder if you have said to her (like - how you left her on her own a lot, man, I know how that feels.... SO lonely, I missed my bf so much when he worked late which was nearly every night). I just wanted him... he wasn't there. I wanted support.. even he was there, he was too tired or stressed or just occupied to support me and I was just extra strain to him. He didn't want to come home to a problem. Any how I'm getting tangled in my own story here... it sounds like there's alot of unsaid emotions there on both sides, which would lead to all sorts of misunderstandings and unsavory behaviour - when the truth may be that you both just wanted each other to listen.

 

I don't want to give you false hope. Because if it was me, I quite honestly would leave if someone cheated on me. I would never be able to live my life in peace with them. And my, how I want a peaceful life... and it is possible. I guess it depends on whether you feel you can trust her again. Or whether it's time to let go... I mean. Does my bf suddenly sound like he is gonna turn around and do all the things for me I do for him? Support me like I do for him - cook my dinner, bath me when I'm tired and achy, change the bed clothes, do the washing.... talk my problems through making me feel a winner by the end? Hmph.. I don't think so. Think about what you really want from someone and if you believe you can get it from her. My ex was so special... I don't want anyone else.. BUT... those special things... he's not all special... in fact even though they are very attractive indeed and we have great chemistry like no one I have met before.. when he name calls, when he calls me crazy, when he wont cut contact with his ex who still very obvious feelings beyond friendship with him... yeah... they're not special. They kill me... over and over. He watches me cry. He ignores me for days. I can't live with that no matter how special he is... I guess I'm clutching at straws...

 

ok, I'm all blah ablhablahlabb blha blah blahing now. Sorry! Even just talking to some people I am seeing that there are people out there who would treat me better because they think it is important to do things like share house work, comfort someone when they're sad, will make scarifices .... will just listen etc etc.

 

Don't settle for second best. I'd better shut up now. I've gotta sleep! My thoughts are with you..

[BserBuff]

Yeah talking about it def makes u feel better. Y did all ur friends tell u to leave him (obviously cause u were not happy i guess). I had only one friend tell me to leave my gf everyone else just kinda supported me and never said anything about me coming back but i regret it now. When I first found out and was venting I asked all my friends and family why they supported me being with her after the first time u was seeing someone behind my back. I think we both gave more than recieved and there def r people out there that r better for us. I just feel like she could b the one for me if she could just change. But true change rarly happens and happens even less when its not on ones own accord. She might be able to change if i could let her and during these past two months when im happy shes been happy, its just i dont think she is trying to make me happy. I just kinda wake up that way I guess. I can think about her hard and realize how much I love her and want this to work its just, the affair keeps coming back into my mind.

I have told her recently that I know i left her a lot and i was sorry and sorry for everything else I did. She has been to one session and they recommended for me to come back and i want too but in the mean time should I just try and forget everything and just love her and enjoy her love?

 

Sorry for getting off u but when it comes to embarressed, dont be. Iv done a lot of thinking about this subject and seriously if u think about it at the end of the day only u and him will care. No one is going to be laying in there bed at night thinking oh my gosh I cant believe she got back up with him after all the good advice (which it probably wasnt) I gave her. I dont do it, I hope u dont, and anyone that does u shouldnt really care about anyways and doesnt care about u. Well good night its been good talking to u.

There is no way I could ever watch my gf cry about me not being there without me doing something about it. If she could of shared her feelings like u say u r, then I would of def tried to fix it for good. He is not a good person if he sat there and watched u cry without doing something about and sticking to it

Edited February 25, 2010 by BserBuff

[babyswan]

I was wondering a few things about your post

 

When I first found out and was venting I asked all my friends and family why they supported me being with her after the first time u was seeing someone behind my back.

 

What did they say exactly? My family have been supportive but I know they are tired of it. My mom gets upset if I get upset which I can't bear to see. They all know he has a good side but they can't bear to see me hurt over and over again. They're getting tired of being a shoulder to cry on. I've even lost the support of one sister she's so tired of it - we've talked about the strain on her openly so that's ok, I just can't go crying to her anymore and I understand that. They know I want a family... they all wholeheartedly say I should move on. And he's left me..... or half left me.. well whatever he has said we have no relationship.... that's just to give him space to think.. but I'm wondering why more people haven't said leave. I guess it has A LOT to do with the story you give them. I've complained so much about my relationship, they're never gonna believe it's a good thing for me to stay. In fact - I regeret the fact I need to talk to people about it so much. I wish I had come on here (LS) and not talked to my family.... I'd be more free to make choices... they do influence me as their happiness is important to me too. Ugh!

 

I just feel like she could b the one for me if she could just change. But true change rarly happens and happens even less when its not on ones own accord. She might be able to change if i could let her

 

What do you mean she could change if you let her?! You're not in control of that. I feel there are a couple of things that seem so small I want my ex to change that would have made our whole relationship a different story. But obviously they aren't small to him... If only.... It sounds like you are aware that the way you are with her is still quite raw and unforgiving. I think that's the key word isn't it... forgiveness. I really think you should go along to some counselling sessions with her and on your own.

 

She has been to one session and they recommended for me to come back and i want too but in the mean time should I just try and forget everything and just love her and enjoy her love?

 

To reach that place where you can just love her and enjoy her love you have work to do. I think you are trying to force resolution and you know you just can't do that! You can't pretend you aren't hurt. You need to communicate with one another. Ideally do it with the counsellor, or set a night where you can go out to a bar to talk (don't get drunk!), and prepare what you want to say in advance. Also, maybe you should get a book on the subject of infidelity - I'm sure some people on here could recommend a good book for you. It's a start, if you want to explore all those emotions you are having. Books have really helped me... well... LOL... ME maybe not US.

 

There is no way I could ever watch my gf cry about me not being there without me doing something about it.

 

I guess he feels he doesn't have a choice. He can't be there due to his commitments. Yes he has a choice... but would you risk your business for an unstable relationship?... An impossible quiestion. Only if he really wanted change would he do it - and I think it would have to go beyond wanting to change just his relationship but his life and therfore future plans. I think he could still have everything he wants...and more... just a bit slower. He's so clever I know he could do it... but... it doesn't matter what I say or think... obviously.

 

I really think you could do with speaking or reading with the professionals on this and get some insight from other people in your situation, just to get some comfort and control. I'm surprised you haven't had more responses. Sometimes other forums get more viewers than others... maybe try and post in one of them because to me it seems like I've read a few people with your experiences on here.

 

Whatever direction you are going in... staying or going. Don't give up on yourself! You have a kind heart.... you are a good person. Even though it hurts, it's often said we are always expressing our true selves, how we feel and what is important to us in everything we do and say - I believe you are a kind man and I think you need to now start treating this situation with kindess towards yourself and others. I know your SO has been unfaithful... but maybe you should show some kindness, infact it will probably make you feel better. I don't mean let her walk all over you - but there is or should be a time or way you can express all this hurt - and then time to carry on with life (that's the part that should be biggest) - either with and maybe without her. You know in the end you have to do it.. get on with life, I mean.

 

Sorry for all the jumping around from my situation to yours! Hope it wasn't to confusing... good luck!

[BserBuff]

No need to apologize, im just jealous I dont know how to quote stuff u say unless i do the whole thing lol. Someone showed me a long time ago but i forgot.

I felt like we had a good talk last night but when she came home this mourning we had sex (it was alright) and I was ok after that for like 2 minutes and then it started coming. She started crying and later i held her and assured her today would be a good day.

Sometimes i feel like i have the answer to mine (and i do i need to just leave) and other peoples problems. Other times i feel like Im a idiot and wouldnt b n this situation if I had any answers at all. I dont think either one of us is ready for closure, cause if we were we wouldnt be talking right now. I always get screwed, people always doubt my abilities until i prove them wrong then there good with me until someone else comes along and Im pushed aside until they realize this new person isnt ****. This is everywhere throughout my life. Work, relationships, school, atheletics, friends, hobbies and i can go on.

Thanks for talking to me, my friends just felt for me and told me if they could do anything to let them know. When I say friends I mean like 3 people and family means my parents. I usually didnt talk to anyone about our relationship and my gf really keeps to herself. I think she finally realizes that its not healthy for the relationship. Yeah i beat her down all the time, Iv tried to let her love me I just dont feel like its enough. I think she can do better and I cant settle for less if this is going to b my wife one day. Everytime she brings up a how mean i was to her at times, it just makes me think about her actions and how they are SO much louder than words and i dont think she sees that. Its obvious to me that i will have to somewhat (i hate that word I got it from my boss, everything i c reminds me) let this thing go and learn to love her. I hurt sometimes when she touches me. She told this dude she loved him then told him (only for a week before she caved in) she didnt want to say stuff like that, no lovey dub stuff in her own words. This dude crapped on me so bad and I have so much anger built towards him. He always told me when she got out of school she would cheat. He used stuff i told him at work (this is against man law) and told her what i was saying, he also made a bunch of lies up to go along with it. I dont see how my dumbass gf bought this ****. I mean it went from u need to be good to bserbuff cause he is about to buy u a ring to ur bf is a piece of ****, jobless loser pothead who plays to much video games. He always told me that people like me lose there women to people like him but that he would never do that to me. Im going to kill this guy when i see him. Iv went to his work and he wont come out he just calls the cops. He has owed me 25$ since i quit so I got that back from him the other day. Im sorry for all this ranting and focusing on me.

the fact is I dont know what to think anymore. I dont know what to tell u. im jacking ur thread. im a piece of ****.

After saying that i think ur man is a crappy person and obviously doesnt want to be with u. If he told u he loved u, he should of done that. I hope so sincerely that he begs for u back and actually changes (or u just tell him to **** off to begain with). Ur friends and family do want what best for u and i can appreciate ur feelings about not wanting to be a strain on ur family. Sometimes people feel like theyve tried everything in there power to help someone to no avail and think i cant help someone whos not going to help themselves. Love is like crack though, u just cant help urself and ur never going to get a crackhead to stop smoking unless they r ready. Im not saying u should stop loving but u should stop loving him cause like crack he is bringing u down. This is what im getting from what u said. Like u have already stated its the story u gave me. Im sorry about ur sister, one day she will realize her mistake and may need ur shoulder.

 

U must b from the UK?

[babyswan]

Hey BserBuff - it sounds like you really are at crisis point and I suggest you take a breather and assess what you want out of life from right now this second. What you want, what will make you happy. I think you need to get away from your situation for a few days. Take a personal few days - throw a sickie, go to your doctors to get some legit time off for stress because I think you really need to step away in order to move forward. If I could pick from the menu for you right now I'd be ordering your own place and new job and a professional counsellor to talk to. Your a strong guy - I'm a strong girl and it's time to take responsibility for ourselves - for our mistakes and to make sure we don't make a mess from here on in. Scary huh? Don't do anything that you wouldn't be proud to show the world. Do the right thing...

 

Taking a bit of space doesn't mean the end. Don't be afraid of that space to think... seriously... there is nothing that cannot wait if it is to be sorted out as best as it can no matter what way it goes. Maybe you even need to miss her....

 

I've decided that I am not going to contact my ex with ultimatums... I'm not even gonna spend the time thinking about them... I'll think about them if he comes to me.. but I'll take my time and see what he has to say.... should he ever come to say anything. I've messed up a bit today - he arrives home tonight and I've missed my last train back to where I'm staying. It means I have to stay here..... It means I'm going to have to be very strong indeed... I'll make sure I'm in bed by the time he gets in and that I'm gone by the morning before he gets up. I just hope he doesn't come in and try and talk to me.. I don't think he will tho. A guy said to me today... "Women... can be talked into anything." And I thought.... yep.... When I'm vulnerable I could probably be talked into anything by my ex.... I must make sure I'm not vulnerable tonight. Got to get strong. And you... got to get strong. We're screwed without it! Aren't you tired of this...?

 

My new life starts tomorrow. It's my last night here. Maybe one day we will get together again... who knows. BUT... all I know is that I know what he is like.... and it def hasn't been good enough for me. I've thought of all sorts of ways to make things better for him/us today... really great and fanatastic ideas, I was all hopeful and then.... only to come to the thoughts like.... he won't be told. You can't tell him anything. He's the boss and everything must be his way. I know what he is like.... I think of me pathetically running around for him whilst he luxuriates in all I give and do for him.... where's my fn luxury? What an idiot I am. I was trying to think of times when he is really focused on me and listening to me... looking me right in the eye with out getting distracted, holding my hand, holding me... just listening and offering interest and support in what I'm saying about me... and not about him or his business...they are so few and far between . His head is just elsewhere... and he has always been the absolute centre of my world.... I would be so stupid to settle for it. I need to be adored!

 

Something needs to change in your situation... and I think you are the one with the controls. A new job to get away from that guy is a good start... you need a fresh start.

 

But here I am dictating.. just my thoughts.... I'm off to bed again now! (A lot earlier than last night). Hope your day gets better.... x

[BserBuff]

I didnt realize u were still there. He will tempt you, that is a certain. I believe u know what u want but can u do what u need to do to get there. I dont see anything wrong with the ultimatums as long as u stick to them (thats very important). Sometimes its hard for me to imagine how ur SO could be so evil towards someone they love. I always ask myself how Id feel in someone else's shoes but with my SO and probably yours, they are so convicted (not convenced), just dead set on there point of view that I wonder what im missing. Im not a stupid person, **** i feel im smarter than 90% (where im from thats not much of an accomplishment) of the people I meet. Like how can u love someone and cheat or watch them cry in pain because of ur absence. How can u consider urself not evil. I guess it could happen to anyone if ur situation evolved that way. But it takes choices to do those things, very bad decisions along the way. Does it all add up to one evil thing? I dont know, people can b very cruel. I consider myself a cynic, skeptical of everyone. I dont believe theres much good in this world and money and selfishness is the bottom line. Nobody really gives a ****.

I did read something today on youtube that made me happy. It was this ashley madison site (its a website for married people to meet others and have affairs) and they are trying to get tv commercials (which they have because iv seen them and was like WTF?) but on the comment section, viewers were bashing the hell out of this web site. Only one person on there said he had used it and everyone else was talking **** to him. My father always tells me there's good in this world but sometimes i feel its hard to see. I guess you have to make ur own when its nowhere to be found.

I think Im gonna try to give her one more chance. I know I have to b a good person, it is easy for me to be as u said, raw and unforgiving. I cant feel sorry for myself or hold this over her head or she'll just do it again. I have to be the better person. I know you and i can do what we need to do to be happy. Im young but getting old quick, so i need to do this thing and do it properly.

I can tell u love ur bf very much and it seems he takes advantage of that. Did u guys have a big fight before he left? and thats when it came out that u guys were finished? Give him ur ultimatums and be very firm and ready to walk out if he hesitates. I dont think anybody meets there soulmate. Some people are more compatable with one another than others but its never going to be super easy. Never. I dont believe anyone can just completely mesh with their SO where everything just flows. Problems will always arise and half of the time u guys will have completely different views on the solution. It takes a ton of work and when u can make loving one another and doing nice things for each other a habit all the while being completely happy and content, then u have found your soulmate.

I wish u the best of luck and Im sure everything will eventually turn out good for you. We will learn from this and take it to the next one or impliment it elsewhere. What doesnt kill u only makes u stronger and wiser. I hope everything is well, let me know what happens

Edited February 26, 2010 by BserBuff

[BserBuff]

awww isnt that sweet, they gave in to each other. I hope u were strong with him.