LovelyInks Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) As of last night...I found out my boyfriend was messaging a women online through his phone. Before I get into it. We've been together for a couple months now and we are in love. I know some might say it's too soon for that but our connection is something we both have never felt before. It's real, it's true, he's the best thing to ever come into my life and I still feel like I don't deserve him (I've had a less than stellar past but have changed dramatically since then). I found out about his past and that fact he has cheated on many occasions on other women. From my own experience, I do not take the past to account for the present. We have both spoken openly about our past transgressions and lack of being perfect human beings. I trust he has changed. But last night, I went to sleep. i know he sometimes has problems sleeping and thought nothing of it. From what I imagine, he started drinking the vodka from our freezer out of boredom or trying to get something to have him pass out. When I awoke a few hours later, he was grabbing at me fiercely and telling me not to let go. I kept asking what was wrong but he always said 'Nothing, I'm fine'. Right before I was going to let things go when he started dozing off...he said some mumbled things which triggered everything. I am not one to check anyone's personal belongings...but I had to. I checked his phone and found the online conversation. For the woman's part, she was telling him he had his chance before he started dating me, that he was starting to get drunk and annoying. While on his part...he kept saying how he would 'get her eventually'. I could barely see through my tears as I woke him up and demanded answers. He was drunk, started telling me he's never cheated on me and never plans to, he told her (and I saw) to 'f*** off and never contact me again' and then deleted her off his messenger list. Much crying and apologies, sleep finally came. In the morning, I re-briefed him on what happened. Once again, he claimed to never want to cheat on me, that he loves me. I haven't spoken to him since (so just a day right now). But why...after all of this...do I feel like it's my fault? Like I'm not good enough that he had to proposition this woman instead of the one laying beside him in bed? Why did he feel like saying such lewd things if he didn't mean them? Am I not enough? Do I not give him enough attention? Enough sex? What is it about me that has him turning to this other woman? ...I feel hurt, worthless and disposable when I feel like I should be angry, unwavering and strong in my reserve. Thanks for reading this long thing...but I just don't know what's going on anymore. Edited February 24, 2010 by LovelyInks
donnamaybe Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I still feel like I don't deserve him I found out about his past and that fact he has cheated on many occasions on other women. But why...after all of this...do I feel like it's my fault? Like I'm not good enough that he had to proposition this woman instead of the one laying beside him in bed? Why did he feel like saying such lewd things if he didn't mean them? Am I not enough? Do I not give him enough attention? Enough sex? What is it about me that has him turning to this other woman? ...I feel hurt, worthless and disposable when I feel like I should be angry, unwavering and strong in my reserve. I bolded the reasons, the rest are the results. As for the fact that you already knew he was a serial cheater, shame on you! You purposely walked RIGHT into that one. Get out. Get out NOW. You SHOULD be angry. Instead, here you are wondering what's wrong with YOU! YOU are making me angry right now that you would put up with this crap. Dump his sorry arse so a man who deserves you will be free to find you. This guy is COUNTING on a woman JUST LIKE YOU who feels less than herself and who will put up with this BS. DO NOT DO IT!!!! I say these things not to hurt you, but to rattle you to your senses. DO IT!
Alexz Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Ok, first off, it's completely not your fault in any way, shape, form, or capacity. And secondly, he seems to be ambivalent if he's texting someone saying he'll score this woman... He's obviously not being loyal and you do not deserve to put up with such s**t. I agree with Donna, break this relationship off, he's not being faithful and devoted to you. Don't blame yourself honey. He's scum, and you shouldn't blame yourself for his questionable actions.
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