Jojohn Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) It all started about 8 years ago. I was seeing this girl we where both very young. We dated for 2 years back then and things got really bad with us and we parted. I went my way she went her way but we didn’t live to far from each other. She told me it took her a year to get over me and it was the hardest thing she had ever done. She kinda started seeing another guy at the time. She really wasn’t looking for one she just started seeing him and they dated for 2 years. I moved on myself and stared dating another women as well. Funny thing is my ex always tired to keep tabs on me. What I did who I was with where I was going. Things didn’t end up working with my relationship and she caught wind of it and started calling me again. We meet up and talk and sometimes to do the dirty. Anyways I begged and pleaded with her to get back together but she always said I cant I cant her wall was up. I tried for 8 months and after that was fed up and gave up. We stop contacting each other for almost a year and within that year I found out she got engaged. As she was making the plans to get married she realized exactly where her heart was and broke off the engagement to come back with me. She said he was lazy not driven boring and couldnt see him as the father of her children. We got back dated for almost a year and things started getting bad again but for different reasons this time. She had bought a home and was struggling to pay the bills for it literally. I was always the sweet one that would surprise her with small gifts going to lunch and surprising her cooking dinner when she was tired from work there to lend an ear and help solve her problems I did whatever I could to make her comfortable. I never got anything in return. Almost a year together and she couldn’t make the trip to my work to say I honey surprise lets go for lunch but she would take days off to lay in the sun. We where constantly arguing and I said enough was enough and ended it. I love this girl to death I mean I have dated many women but never saw them as wife material. She had so many pressure on her with her home and just scraping by she asked me for money because I was coming over to her home to watch TV. I saw a super ugly side of her and I know deep down inside she is a sweet person but her finances where killing her. I had told her to sell her place and move into something she could afford so that if work wasn’t there you would be able to survive because you had money in the bank. I offered to move in with her to a rented place to see how we live together prior to getting engaged and if all was well we would buy a house together. She wanted to keep her home and have me pay money (half her payments to stay there with me owning nothing. She said think of it as renting !! I live minutes from her why would I ever to that and how stupid do u think I am. So needless to enough was enough I cut off ties with her and within weeks she runs back to her ex fiancé and they start living together. He was paying her half to stay there with him not owning anything on the mortgage. Wow. She saw me recently out with friends and crank called me saying nothing and cranked called my sister that was very close with her and said nothing. Why go to all those lengths. Needless to say I know if she seeked some help and sold her place a lot of pressure would disappear and things would be great. I love her to death and I cannot be with her like this. It’s haunted me for months and I am just starting to get over it. Can anyone shed light on this please? Edited February 24, 2010 by Jojohn
GrayClouds Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Your wish, hoping and dreaming of what things could be rather seen things for what they are and as long as you do your going to be stuck in a unhealthy sorta kind of relationship. Understand this SHE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE. The relationship you want with her is not in her and likely will never will be. Your begging, pleading and giving to convince her to love you and being in a relationship with you. If she really love and care for you, no of this would be needed. Pick up "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and read. You will see that your behavior is what is putting you in pain. Let this one go once and for all. Good luck.
Author Jojohn Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) Your wish, hoping and dreaming of what things could be rather seen things for what they are and as long as you do your going to be stuck in a unhealthy sorta kind of relationship. Understand this SHE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE. The relationship you want with her is not in her and likely will never will be. Your begging, pleading and giving to convince her to love you and being in a relationship with you. If she really love and care for you, no of this would be needed. Pick up "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and read. You will see that your behavior is what is putting you in pain. Let this one go once and for all. Good luck. Thanks Greyclouds for responding. See the thing is when we where dating before (1st time around) she was everything I wanted and I broke it all off. I have never felt like this for any women before and thats the thing. The ex fiance she is again seeing she was in control. She would say up he would stand she would say down he would sit. I know she hates that and her attitude has changed because of that. I know there is potential to be good its just all that is around her has messed her head up but maybe what you speak of it true. This book "No more Mister NIce Guy" who is the author Edited February 24, 2010 by Jojohn
GrayClouds Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Thanks Greyclouds for responding. See the thing is when we where dating before (1st time around) she was everything I wanted and I broke it all off. I have never felt like this for any women before and thats the thing. The ex fiance she is again seeing she was in control. She would say up he would stand she would say down he would sit. I know she hates that and her attitude has changed because of that. I know there is potential to be good its just all that is around her has messed her head up but maybe what you speak of it true. This book "No more Mister NIce Guy" who is the author No she does not, otherwise she would not be there. She not a victim, you want to believe that, but these are choices she made. This is the life she is choosing. It may be f*cked up but it is her choice and not matter what you thing she should do, it simple does not matter. It is arrogant to say you know what is best for her, she may be getting something she really needs right now out of this relationship. It may be un healthy way but again that is her choice. Women like that allow you to feel smart, useful, and in control. You get to be the hero and that is very addicting but it is not love. It is dependence is based on a unwritten contract of I will do this and you will do that. I will solve all your problems and you will show me love. It feels great to be needed but do not confuse that with love. Dr. Robert Glover wrote the book. Let it go, go NC . Use all that great problems sloving skills on yourself and focus on making yourself better.
Author Jojohn Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 No she does not, otherwise she would not be there. She not a victim, you want to believe that, but these are choices she made. This is the life she is choosing. It may be f*cked up but it is her choice and not matter what you thing she should do, it simple does not matter. It is arrogant to say you know what is best for her, she may be getting something she really needs right now out of this relationship. It may be un healthy way but again that is her choice. Women like that allow you to feel smart, useful, and in control. You get to be the hero and that is very addicting but it is not love. It is dependence is based on a unwritten contract of I will do this and you will do that. I will solve all your problems and you will show me love. It feels great to be needed but do not confuse that with love. Dr. Robert Glover wrote the book. Let it go, go NC . Use all that great problems sloving skills on yourself and focus on making yourself better. I guess your right. If she didnt want to be with him then she wouldnt. I jsut assumed she felt that oh no Ill settle with him my time to get married is running out. I asked her once how he made you feel in the relationship. She said well he didnt make me upset. We got along great and dont get me wrong we had amazing times together I mean the best but what if one day she does try contacting me. she already has done it several times and I know for a fact its her on the other line but she wont say anything. P.S. sorry for being ignorant but what does NC stand for
GrayClouds Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I guess your right. If she didnt want to be with him then she wouldnt. I jsut assumed she felt that oh no Ill settle with him my time to get married is running out. I asked her once how he made you feel in the relationship. She said well he didnt make me upset. We got along great and dont get me wrong we had amazing times together I mean the best but what if one day she does try contacting me. she already has done it several times and I know for a fact its her on the other line but she wont say anything. P.S. sorry for being ignorant but what does NC stand for Do not assume anything, she is with him because that is what she wants. It may be hard to believe but that is the truth. Read and do the following: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? I you do what is good for you, if that one day comes, you will no longer be increased in being a door mate. I suspect you deserve to be more then someones back up plan.
Author Jojohn Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) Do not assume anything, she is with him because that is what she wants. It may be hard to believe but that is the truth. Read and do the following: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? I you do what is good for you, if that one day comes, you will no longer be increased in being a door mate. I suspect you deserve to be more then someones back up plan. makes total senseGrayClouds. I am alot better then this. It has affected my sleeping pattern huge. However one positive change I have made is I have dropped almost 40 lbs and look great and feel great and that is one change I intend to keep doing. Oh and trust me on this if its one thing I am good at is the No contact part thats for sure. Thanks for the insight. Can anyone else shed light on this topic or has anyone experienced anything similar ?? Edited February 24, 2010 by Jojohn
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