lovecake Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 My boyfriend is very insecure. we have been togther for two years and we are both aged 20 now. I got with him for his personality, not looks. He's not the most attractive person in the world to most people I know, and people always ask me why i'm with him. But I liked HIM when i met him, not his face. Just him as a person. This is where his insecurity comes in. He hates the way he looks and his height and thinks i'll leave him for some more attractive and taller guy. Anyway, although the relationship has been ok for the 2 years we've been together, I get this sense of game playing coming from his side. When we first met, he would flirt with other girls infront of me (even though they clearly had no interest in him and shot him down), he would say "wow, she's the hottest girl ive ever seen" around random girls in the street, even though he'd have no chance with them. I became very insecure myself after a while of him doing this, until one morning I woke up and thought to myself "Forget him! He's a loser, get on with your life" and that's when I stopped caring. Eventually he stopped doing it, and the more he saw that I didn't care, the more insecure he got. He started noticing other men looking at me alot and got really clingy and needy. But recently he's not contacting me at all. He pays no interest. He says he doesnt care what i do etc.. But when I asked if we should just part, he panicked and said no... He's still doing this hard to get act now, is this just another mind game just to get me to come chasing him? I've also noticed he's purposely checking out women in front of me like he did at the start. Do you guys think this is yet another mind game? And if so, what should I do? Should I just leave him to it and no bother contacting him?
JohnM Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 He sure is showing signs of somebody very insecure. He probably used those diversion tactics in order to try and gain some attention from you and see if you would respond and show you cared if he looked elsewhere (even if it was not available). To be honest, what is gained from the sort of attachment you have? He has a positive personality? (He seems to treat you badly.) The way you describe your story you are speaking in a past tense, like when you first met were the good times and seem to hold them in the present which makes you hope things could go back to when he wasn't as bad. He seems needy, clingy and this can be a major drain on your energy and overall happiness. You will lose alot of yourself trying to keep him happy. Its not worth your time lovecake. It is indeed silly mindgames and he is avoiding his own lack of self confidence and diverting the attention to you which is making YOU feel insecure, this is bad as you seem like you are actually very attractive, confident and self assured which is why your relationship may have seemed steady at times as you balance out the pair. Confront him about the stupid games he is playing and demand an answer to why he is messing you about. Tell him you want changes and immediately if you still hold any interest in this guy. If you don't (which I would side with) then choose to leave him. But do him the honour of telling him how it went wrong quite simply and sharply and be done with it.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 28, 2010 Posted February 28, 2010 Confront him about the stupid games he is playing and demand an answer to why he is messing you about. Tell him you want changes and immediately if you still hold any interest in this guy. If you don't (which I would side with) then choose to leave him. But do him the honour of telling him how it went wrong quite simply and sharply and be done with it. I agree with the above 100%, and to add to that I would say it sounds like he is doing what a lot of insecure people do: they set things up in a way to constantly reassure themselves that you want them.
Recommended Posts