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Thebob

By Thebob
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Thebob Established Member

Thebob

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So I broke up with my ex in September because she wanted to be single and have random hookup nights. But one month later she has a new boyfriend. Anyways since her new boyfriend in November, she has contacted me through facebook chat 3 times to see how I am doing. She is 5 states away from me (due to school) and we met due to friends inviting her friends over and herself at the end of July when she was back for the summer. What's funny is that she made fun of her current boyfriend for most of the summer when I was with her because of how bad he was at hooking up the previous year and how she only viewed him as a friend. Anyways, do you think she is trying to use me as an insurance card for next summer by contacting me those 3 times by seeing my reaction when I respond back? and each time she contacts me is when she is on break or when it's been around a month-2 months without contact? Each time she has contacted me I haven't given her the night of day, I would just say I have to go out and left it at that. I told her not to talk to me till next summer and she complied but has broken that 3 times like I said since November. I'm just curious on what your guyses opinions are, cause I'm thinking that she is thinkin that I'll be her insurance card for the summer which is probably not going to happen. I know that Im in total control of the situation now since she's done that and I have ingored every attempt of hers. Thanks

 

Thebob

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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block her as a FB friend. problem solved! seriously!

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Thebob Established Member

Thebob

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Hey but it could be a free booty call next summer since I'm completely over her now and the situation is in my hands not hers. You guys must respect that to a sense! haha, We didn't have a horrible breakup, the only fight we ever had was when she said that. So We'll see

 

Thebob

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

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Hey but it could be a free booty call next summer since I'm completely over her now and the situation is in my hands not hers. You guys must respect that to a sense! haha, We didn't have a horrible breakup, the only fight we ever had was when she said that. So We'll see

 

Thebob

 

So what your asking is how best to play her contacts so possible you can manipulate it into using her for sex next summer? Either your really hard up for sex, incredibility shallow, have no confidence in your ability to make a meaningful connection with someone else or a combination of all three.

 

So is this what you got out of gong through the pain of the break up?

iheartboobs Established Member

iheartboobs

Posted
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If she wants a random hook-up, and you want a random hook-up, you do it responsibly, and you're both adults-ish... then what's the problem? If you both know what you're getting into and accept it so no one gets hurt I don't really see a problem with it (beyond the moral and biblical, but that's my deal, not yours).

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Thebob Established Member

Thebob

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Nah, your right greyclouds, I know I can create another connection with another girl, and there is no doubt about that, but your only young once and I'm sure we all have done it when your in the early twenties. Most likely I won't do it, and I've hooked up with girls after our breakup so that's not the problem. We only went out for 2 months, so the breakup wasn't immensely painful, it was just immensely confusing and I was a little immature about the whole thing since that was my first serious relationship. Im obviously not very good at commitment obviously since im in college and only have had 1 girlfriend =/ ..

 

Thebob

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

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I was a little immature about the whole thing since that was my first serious relationship. Im obviously not very good at commitment obviously since im in college and only have had 1 girlfriend =/ ..

 

Thebob

 

Your insight is commendable. So this is a great opportunity to build maturity, just because you can do something it does not mean you should. ;)

 

And if you want to get better at commitment you have to put your effort into it not making it easy on yourself not to strive for it. Remember thought the lesson learn now are the ones you likely to repeat. And it is easier to learn them when your young then at 40 are your long term relationship did not work out.

 

It is like anything else that we need to learn, it take time and effort to feel comfortable in that space, to understand opening yourself up does not mean losing control, that it is strength that allows it not weakness. A great deal of us did not have the perfect upbringing to learn this, so as we are adult we have to push are selves to do it now.

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Thebob Established Member

Thebob

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True, opening yourself up to much can cause the female to be disinterested so opening up for males is completely out of the question until you guys are at least a year in to the relationship. But I know where your coming from and thanks for the insight. But I think the reason why I have only had one gf is due to the fact that girls I DONT like, like me. But the ones I do like, find me fun to be around and attractive for hookups but not for anything more. I think I might need to go for lower standard females, but it's so hard when you don't find them attractive like the other 8-10's out there.

 

Thebob

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

Posted
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True, opening yourself up to much can cause the female to be disinterested so opening up for males is completely out of the question until you guys are at least a year in to the relationship. But I know where your coming from and thanks for the insight. But I think the reason why I have only had one gf is due to the fact that girls I DONT like, like me. But the ones I do like, find me fun to be around and attractive for hookups but not for anything more. I think I might need to go for lower standard females, but it's so hard when you don't find them attractive like the other 8-10's out there.

 

Thebob

 

Do you think there is a correlation between the first two beliefs and the last statement.

 

Likely you are projecting those beliefs and likely your attracting what you are projecting.

 

It may not be about lowering your standards but raising your expectations of what you want from a relationship and what you will risk to get it. It really hard to find quality in a relationship unless you are open yourself up to the possible of heartbreak.

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Thebob Established Member

Thebob

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True, but with all these posts on LS, everyone has been saying by opening yourself up to quickly can cause disinterest immediately. It's already happened to me twice in the past 2 girls I have been interested in. SO maybe I just shouldn't allow myself to do that until the girl get emotionally attached, until then I'll resist the attachment until they show there interest first.

 

Thebob

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

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True, but with all these posts on LS, everyone has been saying by opening yourself up to quickly can cause disinterest immediately. It's already happened to me twice in the past 2 girls I have been interested in. SO maybe I just shouldn't allow myself to do that until the girl get emotionally attached, until then I'll resist the attachment until they show there interest first.

 

Thebob

 

It not so much as opening your self up but the confidence to which you do. If you show that you can be open, confident, and self sufficient, rather then seeming needy and unsure. If then the girl is disinterested then they are not interested in a meaningful relationship and your not waisting your time by trying to be a mystery to someone who is not right for you.

 

Your way suggest catching the girl first and then hoping they will like the real you. Games usually can help achieve quantity but seldom quality.

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Thebob Established Member

Thebob

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Very true Greyclouds! I don't really have anything to say to that. Hopefully one day I meet that chick and that chick meets me and we mesh immediately, so all of this drama/ games crap is out of the door. Thanks for your insight buddy.

 

Thebob

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

Posted
Posted
Hey but it could be a free booty call next summer since I'm completely over her now and the situation is in my hands not hers. You guys must respect that to a sense! haha, We didn't have a horrible breakup, the only fight we ever had was when she said that. So We'll see

 

Thebob

 

don't be a dork! seriously, if that's all you want to use her for at least be honest with her now... so she can make a decision based upon your honesty and her right to decide if she wants to participate in what you're actually offering.

 

 

be clear with her - "hey, i really don't care to know you or be friends - i just want sex when you're around next summer." see what she says...

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Thebob Established Member

Thebob

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lol, that's not it at all. I know she will want to most likely, because I ended our break up as " call me next summer when your back" (Since we have had sex multiple times before the break up) she knows what I am talking about I assume. When I told her to call me next summer, She responded " I will call you next summer" enthusiastically. So she has to know, and she can't be without a guy in her life for more than 2 weeks since her new boyfriend is from Ohio and she is 8 states away during the summer.

 

Thebob

Edited by Thebob
health Established Member

health

Posted
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lol, that's not it at all. I know she will want to most likely, because I ended our break up as " call me next summer when your back" (Since we have had sex multiple times before the break up) she knows what I am talking about I assume. When I told her to call me next summer, She responded " I will call you next summer" enthusiastically. So she has to know, and she can't be without a guy in her life for more than 2 weeks since her new boyfriend is from Ohio and she is 8 states away during the summer.

 

Thebob

 

When I read this, I was like maybee I should go back to my ex too! Then felt sick thinking of all the healing I did just to go back and kiss lips that were who knows where, empowering her. Id rather leave it her new man has my sloppy seconds, not vice versa. That girl can't be alOne? Blech - at least you had her at a lower number of guys. Do your thing though.

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Thebob Established Member

Thebob

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She only has had one guy after me, and she got with this guy before me the previous year but they never had sex. I think she told me she wanted to get with random guys because she probably was already hooking up with this guy and wanted me to end it completely. She probably failed at getting with random guys and she already knew that this guy liked her, so she went for her last resort. She couldn't have possibly had sex with many guys after me because 1-1.5 months after she already became official with this guy. Then within 3.5 months her new man has been already writing Hearts on her facebook wall and stuff which was hilarious. She obviously has him strapped around her finger like she did with me, so I find it absolutely amusing to a sense.

 

Thebob

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