aerogurl87 Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Ok so I'm talking to this new guy after deciding that I was going to purge myself of my two most recent ex boyfriends. Anyway, he asked how many people I'd slept with and I kinda lied big time. Gave him a number that was about 3 times smaller than the real number. Now I don't consider myself to be a slut, but I did have alot of "fun" my freshman year at college. Anyway, so I find out he was cheated on by his ex alot of times and so he tells me he doesn't want a girl whose been with lots of people because he fears she might not be able to stay faithful to him. So I go with the flow and say "ok, cool" because I know I can stay faithful to him if I want, and I do plan to do so. Anyway, so he doesn't know the actual amount of people I've slept with and in a way I feel bad for lying to him but at the same time I didn't want him to judge me based on my past.Now I'm starting to wonder if I should've told him my real number...
Silver_star Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Ok so I'm talking to this new guy after deciding that I was going to purge myself of my two most recent ex boyfriends. Anyway, he asked how many people I'd slept with and I kinda lied big time. Gave him a number that was about 3 times smaller than the real number. Now I don't consider myself to be a slut, but I did have alot of "fun" my freshman year at college. Anyway, so I find out he was cheated on by his ex alot of times and so he tells me he doesn't want a girl whose been with lots of people because he fears she might not be able to stay faithful to him. So I go with the flow and say "ok, cool" because I know I can stay faithful to him if I want, and I do plan to do so. Anyway, so he doesn't know the actual amount of people I've slept with and in a way I feel bad for lying to him but at the same time I didn't want him to judge me based on my past.Now I'm starting to wonder if I should've told him my real number... I dont think the number is any indication of how faithful you will be with him. So if it was just ONE, you could be unfaithful to him. Thats not the indication. What is your real number? lol. I have heard though that guys dont actually want to know the number, they may be curious , but if you tell them then it may consume their thoughts and give them anxiety about being with you because they either think your too experienced, or you may have caught something..so many things may run through their heads. If you really want an honest realtionship with him then tell him, but beware the consequences.It would be interesting to hear from some guys on this though.
Author aerogurl87 Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 I dont think the number is any indication of how faithful you will be with him. So if it was just ONE, you could be unfaithful to him. Thats not the indication. What is your real number? lol. I have heard though that guys dont actually want to know the number, they may be curious , but if you tell them then it may consume their thoughts and give them anxiety about being with you because they either think your too experienced, or you may have caught something..so many things may run through their heads. If you really want an honest realtionship with him then tell him, but beware the consequences.It would be interesting to hear from some guys on this though. I told him it was 5 but the real number is 15, and that seems to bother him still. He's a virgin, so maybe that's why.
dazzle22 Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 To ask for "the number" so early before a relationship has really started is too soon, and is a bit of a red flag that he will not be very accepting of a somewhat wild past. He should not have put you "on the spot" so early. I've read posts on other sites by guys who even though they have had a lot of partners, start to become obsessed with her number and it becomes a problem. As innocent as the question sounds, I wonder if he will be a moralizer down the road.
Art_Critic Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Any guy that actually asks a woman her number should expect to not get the real answer... First off.. Stop lying... Second off forget about this one... this to me would be an acceptable lie.. who the eff asks those questions of their SO ?.. you might as well ask he how much she weighs ?
Art_Critic Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I told him it was 5 but the real number is 15, and that seems to bother him still. He's a virgin, so maybe that's why. Honestly.. to a virgin any number other than zero would bother them.. You really should have steered the conversation away from numbers in this case.. You could have answered something along the lines of " I'm no longer a virgin"
Author aerogurl87 Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 To ask for "the number" so early before a relationship has really started is too soon, and is a bit of a red flag that he will not be very accepting of a somewhat wild past. He should not have put you "on the spot" so early. I've read posts on other sites by guys who even though they have had a lot of partners, start to become obsessed with her number and it becomes a problem. As innocent as the question sounds, I wonder if he will be a moralizer down the road. I mean I can understand why he'd wonder what my number was, I was the same way with my ex boyfriend when I lost my virginity to him. But anyway, I don't think I'll ever tell him the real number now that you mention how some guys might become obsessed with their girl's number.
Author aerogurl87 Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 Honestly.. to a virgin any number other than zero would bother them.. You really should have steered the conversation away from numbers in this case.. You could have answered something along the lines of " I'm no longer a virgin" I should've but I didn't... *sigh*
tami-chan Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I do not now how you can extricate your way out of this one..I agree with the other posters who said, any number would have "bothered' him since he is a virgin. I understand you like him, but a lie has a way of coming out in the surface....what are you going to do then? I say, try the truth and be contrite and sincere. If that does not work, you really do not want to be in a relationship with this guy. You are already at a disadvantage at the start of your relationship, not a good place to be-so then, cut your losses.
A_guy Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I will not judge you. However, to a guy thay hasn't had a lot of sexual partners a number like 15 will really strain everything, if not end it. If you have to rationalize a new number to help yourself feel better about lying then maybe think of the sexual partners that actually meant something and discount the rest. They all couldn't have been important loves. Also, please ignore some of these nay-saying haters that tell you to end it already because he asked you that question or it came up too soon or something. It always does somehow, sometime, somewhere. Each relationship is different and if you feel you can be a loving, honest *cough cough* lol, caring, and loyal g/f in the end then go for it and don't look back.
Crazy Magnet Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Your number would probably freak him out if he's a virgin. I guess it depends on where you see this going. If he doesn't want to sleep with a girl who has 15 partners then you should go on and tell him. If the shoe were on the other foot, wouldn't you want to know? That said, I never answer the number question. Don't ask, NEVER tell. It's a good policy to start for yourself. The last time some retarded guy asked me my number I just smiled and said it was irrelevant and went on with the convo. My BF and I actually talked about this tonight (not asking each other numbers) but we were fascinated with people at our age who still ask. He termed it a "college" question, and I think you are about that age right? People eventually wise up and stop asking (except that one guy who asked me....but he seemed to have some sexual hang up.)
boogieboy Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 He's a virgin, he doesnt know what he's doing...so hes insecure. Think about it that way.
Author aerogurl87 Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 Each relationship is different and if you feel you can be a loving, honest *cough cough* lol, caring, and loyal g/f in the end then go for it and don't look back. Well, I think I can be all those things to him.
Awesome Username Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 LOL, it doesn't matter how many people you've slept with, and it's none of his business anyway. I wouldn't say anything else about it, and I wouldn't worry about it.
BellaMoon Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Nope. Current STD info and/or any current partners...relevant. Past loves...not as relevant.
OnlyJake Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Ok so I'm talking to this new guy after deciding that I was going to purge myself of my two most recent ex boyfriends. Anyway, he asked how many people I'd slept with and I kinda lied big time. Gave him a number that was about 3 times smaller than the real number. Now I don't consider myself to be a slut, but I did have alot of "fun" my freshman year at college. Anyway, so I find out he was cheated on by his ex alot of times and so he tells me he doesn't want a girl whose been with lots of people because he fears she might not be able to stay faithful to him. So I go with the flow and say "ok, cool" because I know I can stay faithful to him if I want, and I do plan to do so. Anyway, so he doesn't know the actual amount of people I've slept with and in a way I feel bad for lying to him but at the same time I didn't want him to judge me based on my past.Now I'm starting to wonder if I should've told him my real number... If you're not going to the tell the truth, or are worried about being judged, in future just don't tell. It's none of his damn business. Honestly, I don't really blame you - seriously, that dude sounds like a douche - way to set you up to feel judged for your answer (which who knows, may still be "too many" for him )
calazhage Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I think most men will lose respect for you if you have a high number.. Unfortunately you will have to lie about this from now on. It is important to men because it illustrates how you view sex.. I know women are experts at rationalization, and somehow saying you had fun freshman year makes it seem oko you, but in reality you had lots of strangers inside of your body at a young age. There is no way this guy would be as special to you as if he were your second..
lino Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Big mistake. If he finds out the truth, he may only wanna consider you as some 'fun' from that moment on... whether he's a virgin or not. Avoid talking about it anymore. Even though I personally don't want serious relationships with women that have high numbers I consider that sort of discussion to be pointless and unnecessary. It becomes obvious what sort of woman you're dealing with after taking some time in getting to know her.
prettybaby Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 The actual number is not something me and my boyfriend ever discussed. I'm not really interested in knowing his number, and I get the feeling he wouldn't want to know mine either (even though it's ridiculously low). As long as both of you are disease-free, I don't find the actual number to be a crucial factor. I'm sure most people lie about it anyway, so asking is pretty stupid as you only have 1 out of 3 chances to get a good answer (the other two being that the number disappoints you, or that the answer is a lie). I wouldn't worry about it. He's stupid for asking imo.
Mr White Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) Virgin or not, 15 is a lot, it's just too many... I'm no virgin, but it would bother me, unless the woman is already in her late 30s early 40s, and even then I'd wonder what were the circumstances. Edited February 24, 2010 by Mr White
Woggle Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I hate to say it but he is just protecting himself. Chances he has had some experience with so called sexually liberated women and this is why he has come to this conclusion.
Alexz Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) For the above posts, (Mr White) Ok, please stop judging the OP. This is not a thread to put bias on her and evaluate her merit for some inconclusive ideals we may possess. She's looking for advice, not a decrying judgefest. I think the main thing bugging you is potential trust issues. You lied to him in fear that he might reject you, right? If you feel that you should tell him the truth , go ahead. Be compassionate and express that you are sensitive to his feelings and insecurities for him being a virgin. Be honest with him and tell him how many partners you've had (if you wanna get it off your chest or something). Just make sure there's direct communication and no misinterpretation. If you do decide to be honest with him, tell him how you feel and that you are saying this because you're into him (which I'm sure you are) and you just want to have complete trust in eachother. Thoughts? Edited February 24, 2010 by Alexz
make me believe Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 It's none of his business anyway! I would be super hesitant to get involved with a guy who thinks that women who have slept with "too many" people (wtf is "too many" anyway??) are more likely to be unfaithful. He sounds insecure & is probably going to judge you on your past no matter what. (And other posters are right - any number other than zero is probably "too many" to him.) And btw, don't listen to the similarly insecure guys here who are trying to shame you for your number.
Crazy Magnet Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Arg! It deleted my answer. Cliff note version: Don't feel shame about your number. Numbers do not indicate faithfulness. This guy might change his views on sex once he starts having it.
donnamaybe Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 You should have just told the truth and what happens happens. BUT - I would like to add a little note to this: I'm glad to see MOST of the guys who have weighed in on this thread aren't so immature as to write a gal off because of a mere number. I get SUCH a kick out of the whole notion that if a gal has a high number, there's something wrong, but if a GUY has a high number, he's a stud. Also, guys LOVE when their woman is "good in bed." How in the hell do you think she got that way? Practice makes perfect.
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