mellowyellow186 Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 my boyfriend and i have been dating for a year and four months. he broke up with me recently. we have always been very much in love, he is my first real love and i am his as well. we care for eachother a lot and i know he still loves and cares about me. when he broke up with me he said it was because we werent right for one another and that i deserved someone better, that wouldnt hurt me. i was very surprised because he says i did nothing wrong, and that im great but that he needs to work on himself, that something is wrong with him and he needs to work on it alone. i couldnt help but ask what he wanted to work on himself, and why he didnt want to work on it with me, i kept telling him i could help, this is when he told me what it was. four years ago he got a DUI, he upset his family and was very depressed after.. and now his depression is back. no one knows he is depressed but me. he wont tell his family and doesnt think its to the point where he needs to see a doctor. he is pushing me away. even though he says he wants to be alone he does things like text me in the day. not as much as he used to but he randomly says hey, how are you, or what are you doing, and when i see him ( we have class together) he still hugs me when he sees im upset and he always moves my hair our of my face.. i know he is seriously depressed and i dont know how to help, i just want him to be better, but aside from being depressed i dont know how he feels about me. he says he doesnt want to be in a relationship and wants to be alone but i know there is no one else and that he still loves me but when i try to get closer he pushes me away. its killing me, i want the love of my life back, i want him to be happy again. what do i do?
Undine Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 How old is he? How close is he to his family? Does he live alone? Was he clinically diagnosed with depression last time, and how did he recover last time? I am just trying to get a clearer picture. It is a difficult situation for sure.
Author mellowyellow186 Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 he is 22, im 20, he lives with his family, and yes i would say he is close with his family. they definitely care about him. the last time he dealt with it all by himself, he just tried to change the things he didnt like, and be more positive about his life. he hasnt gone to doctor about it either times, but he knows hes depressed.
boogieboy Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I dont know if he really has a depression in his head, I dont buy it. It sounds like an easy excuse to leave you and let you down easy. Ive seen that one used too many times. A DUI doesnt depress someone unless they lost everything because of it. License, job, friends, etc. Its pretty common for a 22 year old to get tired of a girlfriend and look for someone new. I think he just lost his attraction to you and doesnt want to tell you why. No one walks away from the love of their life when they are down, because thats where you lean on the love of your life the most. He just lost his attraction to you, and he most likely wont get it back. Also, I hate to tell you this, but dont be surprised if you see him with someone new in a month.
Author mellowyellow186 Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 he did lose everything, he was grounded for nine months, no contact with his friends, his family lost all their trust, he did nohting with his life, no school, no work, he lost his brand new car, his liscense, his insurance went up, and he owed a lot of money. this was also towards the end of his senior year when everything good was supposed to be happening to him. trust me he is an honest person, if he did not love me, or was not attracted to me he would have said so straight up. also i believe he is back to feeling this way because he is stuck in a crappy job, and is stressed in school, he recently found out he got accepted to a state school but could not go becuase he couldnt pass his math class, therefore making him stuck at the community college he's been going to. And if a person is seriously depressed one symptom is they push everyone away. this is not a matter of attraction.
boogieboy Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 he did lose everything, he was grounded for nine months, no contact with his friends, his family lost all their trust, he did nohting with his life, no school, no work, he lost his brand new car, his liscense, his insurance went up, and he owed a lot of money. this was also towards the end of his senior year when everything good was supposed to be happening to him. trust me he is an honest person, if he did not love me, or was not attracted to me he would have said so straight up. also i believe he is back to feeling this way because he is stuck in a crappy job, and is stressed in school, he recently found out he got accepted to a state school but could not go becuase he couldnt pass his math class, therefore making him stuck at the community college he's been going to. And if a person is seriously depressed one symptom is they push everyone away. this is not a matter of attraction. Eh that might do it for depression, thats alot of crap for a 22 year old to handle. Still, if he was really in love with you, he wouldnt want to be away from you. As far as him being honest, I doubt it. All the adults on this board advocate lying when breaking up with someone as was demonstrated in another thread, so I doubt a 22 year old will be straight up with you.
Author mellowyellow186 Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 ya he would want to be away becuase he only knows how to deal with it alone. he still talks to me and he still cares for me, and i know he still loves me, i know it. so please dont tell me if i know whether or not he is telling the truth to me.
boogieboy Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 ya he would want to be away becuase he only knows how to deal with it alone. he still talks to me and he still cares for me, and i know he still loves me, i know it. so please dont tell me if i know whether or not he is telling the truth to me. Youre 20, you dont know anything yet. Ive been on this earth alot longer than you, I can tell you when it means when ive heard and told the same lines that youre hearing. Many people on this board have heard and seen the same lines. You'll learn the hard way in the years to come, and in this instance.
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