H0rn3t920 Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 (edited) I really need some insight here guys. Maybe you can help me out. My ex is being extremely confusing. Even though its over now, i want to understand what was happening. If anyone can help, it would be greatly appreciated. Me and my ex of a year and a half broke up about 8 months ago. We broke up because i was not that great of a boyfriend. I was verbally abusive, and there were times i would start fights for stupid reasons. Right after the break-up, she acted as she had absolutely no feelings for me anymore and she even said this. Then came her b-day which she didnt even want me to come see her. After this i decided to go NC through a letter. She did not take it well at all. She was crying and couldn't sleep that night. She was coming home for the weekend and I stupidly agreed to meet with her and to my ultimate surprise, her feelings for me showed up again. She told me she wanted me to work towards getting her back and we were really affectionate towards each other. I couldn't ask for more. I was really happy. She said that we would hang out more and then she went back to school and things started to return to the same way as they were before. She never invited me down to hang out, and we talked, but i wish we talked more. Especially after the way she treated me at home. I couldn't figure it out. Every time i asked her to hang out, she would be busy (even though she was busy she would never really try to make time for me) Then christmas break came around. She came home and mainly the same thing happened but just not as good. We were happy together and we spent time together. We both had fun, we kissed, we enjoyed each others company. There was even a point where she looked at me and smiled and said "whatever you are doing, its working." (Implying things are looking good for us??) Then came time for her to leave for school. She told me that she wanted to see me more and that she would try to make more time for me. She promised me that. THen she left and go figure, it happened all over again. Then one night she told me she was coming home, and she did. It turns out that she came home to see a friend, and that she fit me in for about an hour or so. So i went over to her house, and I kinda lost it. I told her i was tired of this and why does this always happen and she told me she never thought we could ever work out. I told her that that attitude wont get us anywhere and assured her that we could go places. She also told me she was scared that the same thing that happened when we went out (me being verbally abusive and mean) would happen again and she was afraid. After trying to convince her not to give up on us, I told her to tell me what she wanted to do and she said she would get back to me. So three weeks later, i talk to her friend and her friend says she doesnt want a relationship with me. I confronted her about it and she said she met someone else. I asked her about us and trying to get us back together and she talked and acted like she never wanted to and she never said such a thing. She also talked as the Christmas break we spent together was not good and nothing came from it. She said she really didnt feel anything and we grew apart. However, she still wants to be my friend. Badly. I went NC and Im planning to restore contact when im fully over her so we can be friends again. I might have not done such a great job in explaining it, but her attitude changes are radical. When shes home with me she acts as we have a shot and we are really happy together. She really does. Then when she goes back to school, she thinks that the time we spent together wasn't good and she says she never said anything about us trying to get back together. She contradicts herself ALOT. I know she isnt just screwing with me, she is too sweet of a girl. Not to mention I was her first everything. But i dont know what is going on. Any insight would be awesome. Cause im kinda torn up inside right now. Edited February 24, 2010 by H0rn3t920
Iamthedouglas Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 First, I want to congratulate you on being honest. Not many people can admit they were a bad boyfriend like that. It doesn't make it okay that it happened, but you can work on it knowing that it did. The first step is admittance of the issue. To be honest, as I once stated in a different thread, I do not claim to know anything, I want you to sit back on the times you spent together after the first break up. Did she really seem all there, or was she just trying hard to make it work? Was she, in all honestly, forcing herself? It can happen. I had a girlfriend I met in 9th grade who was a gem, she was perfect, I do mean perfect. That's what I going to say about what I thought of her then. When she left and came back in 11th grade (she moved away then eventually moved back), she was not the same person, and even got very mean randomly sometimes. To pretend as if she asked me for a second chance after our break up after she returned, I couldn't do it without truly forcing myself. Maybe she's different, but all I'm saying is when you're with one who blows up, it can be very bothersome on your nerves, you feel like you're always walking on eggshells. It is bothersome she would go see her ex, but to have you blow up means you are already assuming she was cheating, and that's not good. Even if you're not, that's what she probably assumed. If she really was cheating, if you knew for sure, that would be fine, and I'm not saying don't be curious, but to get that angry and just yell at her means she can only assume you're a jealous type. I think she loves you, otherwise she wouldn't have tried so hard to come back to you, but maybe it's just too much to handle. Plus in all fairness it only takes a single annoyed cop. I know, I've gotten a parking ticket for parking on the wrong side of a road for only 10 minutes when visiting a buddy. Try really hard to work on that and you never know what might happen. Anyways, I hope some of that helps. Good luck.
DustySaltus Posted March 1, 2010 Posted March 1, 2010 She's been stringing you along for 8 months. This is partially your fault because you remained in contact with her when you should of cut off all communication. When she came home during breaks she knew that you would be readily available and she was keeping you on the back burner. If the problems from an initial breakup are not resolved FIRST, there cannot be a reconciliation attempt. Sure, you may have done things to upset her but i'm sure she has done things as well. Instead of digging in her heels and saying, "I want to be with you but you do X, Y & Z to me and I want you to stop"......she ran for the hills. Distance always put strain on a relationship even when things are good let alone a reconciliation attempt. The ONLY way for you to proceed is to stay NC with her and let yourself heal. Read the link in my signature. NC means no emails, phones, texting, looking at her facebook, asking friends about her, googling her or looking at old pictures. If you would've done this from the beginning you would've been 8 months into the healing process already. Fix the issues withing yourself for YOU not anyone else. Good luck -DS
Recommended Posts