Nikki Sahagin Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Right....so me & my ex are over, and i've had my ups and downs with moving on. Now i've been completely BLINDSIGHTED by these feelings for a friend of my exes (who is also a friend of mine) that i've known for 2-3 years now. I never had any feelings for him before. They've come from nowhere and are REALLY strong. I'm not going to confess these feelings to the guy because 1) he is my exes friend and I think it would be disrespectful of me and 2) I don't know that he is or would be interested. I am comforted and also shocked at having feelings for a new guy. But I know its a bad idea because he's my exes friend. They might even fade away as quickly as they came. Should I just wait for them subside? Is it ever worth 'acting on?' Are they real feelings or just....from the blue?
Ilovecake Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 are you good friends with him as well? have you been spending a lot of time with him lately? do you get a feeling that he might reciprocate those feelings? It is quite a slippery slope. Truthfully I'm not sure what I would do. I've actually had a crush on one of my ex’s friends for a good 15 years but he's that guy every girl wants to be with and he knows it. Over the last two years every time I see him he asks me out and tries to kiss me. Even though my ex and I have been broken up for 12 years now I still can't do it. I have to turn my biggest crush down, partly because he would not be a good partner for me because of lifestyle differences and partly because he's really good friends with my ex.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 are you good friends with him as well? have you been spending a lot of time with him lately? do you get a feeling that he might reciprocate those feelings? It is quite a slippery slope. Truthfully I'm not sure what I would do. I've actually had a crush on one of my ex’s friends for a good 15 years but he's that guy every girl wants to be with and he knows it. Over the last two years every time I see him he asks me out and tries to kiss me. Even though my ex and I have been broken up for 12 years now I still can't do it. I have to turn my biggest crush down, partly because he would not be a good partner for me because of lifestyle differences and partly because he's really good friends with my ex. Hey! He was origionally my exes friend (I met him through my ex) but have known him now a good 2-3 years. I believe as this point me and him are better friends than he is with my ex though over summer they did all go on a group holiday together so there still is a friendship. We spend a fair bit of time together when he's down from uni in a smaller group and theres definately chemistry. He is a very reserved/shy kinda guy but I think theres a spark but hard to really know if its me reading too much into it or not and I don't think he'd admit to liking me even if he did because of the ex situation (I think he's quite respectful in that way) Oh dear :s do you think even after all this time, your ex would mind?
Ilovecake Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Your ex might mind but is that a big concern to you? If they're not super close I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe since he's shy you can just see if he wants to hang out one on one as friends and see where things go from there. You don't have to come out and tell him you like him, just send suddle messages, be flirty and extra attentive and see how he responds to that. I think you should go for it.
Sadbutrelieved Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I don't see anything wrong it. You and the ex are done; what are you supposed to do, dry up and become a nun? ... I'd start out slow though. Your ex has no say in it.
GrayClouds Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I don't see anything wrong it. You and the ex are done; what are you supposed to do, dry up and become a nun? ... I'd start out slow though. Your ex has no say in it. Nikki this is a car crash in the makings. You are no where near over your ex, your going to muddy up the water with a mutual friend. We can not choose our feelings but we can choose how we handle them. Heal fisrt and then find someone that does not mean drama you arelady have had enough this year.
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