Mother In law problems

[finkers08]

So i met my husband 2 years ago. i have 3 children 11, 4, and 1. He has a 5 year old daughter. When we met he told me his daughter had some emotional problems and we moved in together and worked on the problems. About a month after living with him his daughter locked our dog in his kennel and sprayed it with air freshner. Then she took a pillow into my babies room and was putting it over her head. this happend more than once. we installed a lock on her door. the only way we knew was i had turned the monitor all the way up the night before. Then about 3 months later she tried to push my oldest down a flight of stairs. She was laughing about it! She has bitten and punched my 4 year old and has hit and kicked her father and I.

We started taking her to therapy where they said she had a lot of emotional problems and she would attend seeing the therapsit 2 times a week. Well, school was starting and she was not doing well. Her therapist requested having her evaluated in a mental health facility which we did for 2 weeks, that didn't work. She came home even worse. they put her on medication for ADHD and her mood disorder. she continued to hurt everyone so we placed her with her grandma since she would be the main focus over there and she would be here part time. Well, grandma said that she would do whatever she could to help and that we were doing the right thing because she knew that she had problems. Without our knowledge she ripped her off the medication that she was on and swears that she can fix everything with "Love". Grandma has been hit a couple of times since she has been there. She called me one night and told me I was a bad parent and that my children needed to toughen up. She blames my kids for everything that happens. She tells her son that she can fix all of her problems and she just needs time. Now, at school it's getting worse. We get daily emails on how bad she is being. She is no longer allowed scissors at school because she cuts other peoples things and including her hair and after that she was caught in the lunch room ripping out chunks of her hair. She gets into physical fights and grandma says it's normal. she tells me everytime i speak with her that these are normal child behaviors. Im so sick and tired of listening to her make excuses and Im thinking about leaving this relationship because everything is my fault, my husbands, or my children. Any thoughts would be great. FYI there is no reasoning with her. She says very hurtful things and doesn't care. she says that we are crazy and she would call child services on us because we gave her medication. She is driving me crazy help!

[Ronni_W]

Hugs, finkers.

I get that it's a very difficult situation for all of you.

The challenge is that you and your husband have handed over your parenting responsibilities of your problem child to Grandma, who now feels in a position of power and entitled to be critical.

 

Sorry to say but you and your husband need to be much more involved with finding proper treatment for your daughter/step-daughter, and with raising her. Just abandoning her to her Grandma's "love therapy program" is not the short or long-term solution to your problems. You and your husband are aware that your daughter is not getting medication that she needs that has been prescribed for her...no matter what the illness or medical condition, that is irresponsible, reckless, dangerous and harmful.

 

Consult with your family doctor and as many child psychologists as you need to, to get educated and informed about what you need to do to help your child. She is displaying sociopathic behaviour that must be treated by medical and mental health professionals. This is not Grandma's problem, and she is not qualified to deal with it.

 

Your mother-in-law's ranting and raving really is the least of your problems. Your daughter's mental health ought to be the priority. In any case, once you reclaim your parenting roles, Grandma will have a much lesser role in your life.