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Is there still a chance to come back?


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Posted

Is there still a chance to come back?

 

hi my boyfriend and I broked in january we was really commites into the relation for one year, is a long distance relation, but worked so fine last november he came to my city 4 days was an heroic trip becuase he flight 18 hours just to be with me and well we saw the engangement rings an we planned future togheter, then in january he called me and said he cant handdle the university, the doctorate and the hospital at same time with our relationship he felt overhelmed and stressed, he finish on may 25, so w edidnt talk all janury and then in february he start to cotnact me in very sweet way as friends but he still talk to my like when we was a couple, and he miss me and told me im the best person he ever meet , im special etc etc so i asked him alst time abpout our future, and he said"let me finish the doctorate and then everyting wil be clear for us"

he is not datin anyone and well he say he loves me, he tryt o keep in touch 2 times pers week and he always answer my emails i dont worte him emails daily ut when i email him spmething he email me back really fast.

do you think is there still a chance?

thanksin advance

Posted (edited)

Sure there's a chance, there's always hope. Assuming he's telling you the truth and there is no one else, this isn't really even that bad. The danger, here, is that he might come to see you as his fall back position, or "Plan B".

 

You don't want him to think that he's got all the time in the world to make up his mind about you and whatever/whenever he decides you'll still be there waiting for him. If he can do what he wants when he wants and still have you, there's not really any incentive for him not to do those things.

 

My suggestion would be to call him up and tell him he's right, he does have too much on his plate right now, and you think the best thing for both of you would be to cut contact completely. Tell him that you've got some thinking to do about any possible future relationship with a man who'd cut you from his life because it's too hard for him. You can tell him however you want, but you need to make sure he knows that you agree with the breakup because he's not the person you thought he was and you need some time alone (with NC) to think about if you want him back.

 

Do you see what happened there? You called him and told him you didn't want the half-assed friendship he offered, that you weren't going to wait for him, and that if you got back together it'd be your decision, not his... basically, in his mind, you just broke up with him. Now, all those crazy emotions you're feeling (regection, pain, loneliness, etc.), he'll feel.

 

You might think you're driving him away, but trust me, people don't want what they know they can have at the snap of a finger... they want what they think they can't have. I used to play a lot of games like this with my girlfriends back in high school and college, and if any of them had ever said "that's it, we're done" I would have freaked out (and probably learned a valuable lesson about playing with women's feeling that I didn't learn until much later).

Edited by iheartboobs
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