LastSpartan Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 (edited) hi, this is my first post here. I never thought I would write any of these things on the internet, but maybe someone out there has a similar problem and can help me with mine ;-) So, there is this girl I met on a junior high school trip, about six years ago (I'm 21 now). We became friends instantly, enjoyed talking to each other and life was good A few months after we met, I asked her out, which she was very happy with, we went to the movies, but nothing happened - to be honest it was a little awkward on both sides, so we just went on with being friends and never went out again (as far as I know, it was her first date ever, as well as mine). Shortly after, on a party when we had some time alone I told her that I really like her, we hugged, she seemed kinda confused and again nothing more happened, I didn't want to put any pressure on her so I left it as it was and we kept on being friends, never mentioned any of these situations when talking between us. I talked to one of her friends later, it seems that in that very moment she was into someone else, but I would have a chance with her if I had a good timing, as she really liked me. Junior high school ended, we went to different schools and our connection broke, I didn't see her for the next three or four years. One time we accidentaly bumped into each other she seemed very pleased to see me but it was just a couple of seconds as she was with another guy then and I was with another girl as well. During this time I went out with two or three girls for a few months, had lots of one or two-time dates, which went well but I didn't feel like these girls were right for me. In general, I'm not a shy person and I love to be the one getting the most attention. I never had problems with talking to girls and meeting them, every week I go to parties and do very well. It seems though, that the more I care about someone the harder it is for me to get things right. If it's the girl I just met and don't know nothing about I'm like "ok, whatever, let's do it", and I just go with the flow, everything works perfect from the beginning to the moment where I want to end it. But when I meet someone special it gets tough, I get a little nervous and lose my momentum. And here it comes... I know that she was in a big relationship for one or two years, which she just got out from a few months before (from what I know, it was her bf who broke up with her). Last year I started the uni and guess what: I met her in the bus going to the university campus, it turned out that all of our uni lectures are very close and we were meeting two times in a week in that bus. We found common ground very soon again, I got her number and we started texting and talking via IM often. We may have flirted a few times, but it was more in a joking way than serious. I was participating in an interesting university project, so I invited her to the team. She agreed and was very interested and happy with it. Now it's three months later, we met a few times on the project team meetings, one time we had some wine alone before one, and had a very enjoyable talk. She told me that she loves to dance, said about a dance party she really liked (she didn't know that I love dancing too, a few times girls told me I'm a good dancer, so I got really excited). This friday I invited our uni team to my house, we're going to work on the project and then I suggested we all go to a party, she loved the idea and said she would come. Since we met again I'm crazy about her and would love to give a relationship a try. I want to let her know I'm interested in her in that way and would like to be more than just friends. On the other hand, I don't want to scare her off and make her go away, so I need to make it subtle. I'm not sure she thinks of me in a romantic way, but I feel she might and just have to give it a try. Do you have any advice for dating friends? How should I make my intensions clear without being too pushy? The party should be good, there will be a lot of my friends (she knows almost none of them), they are nice and friendly and will definitely help me There will be certainly a lot of dancing and alcohol involved, I hope that both will have a positive imact on the atmosphere. It might be my best chance, I need to make it right! Any help appreciated Edited February 23, 2010 by LastSpartan
Ms. Joolie Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Have you taken her out on a date yet? It's unclear whether or not you have asked her out on a date or you two just hangout casually like friends.
Author LastSpartan Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 Have you taken her out on a date yet? It's unclear whether or not you have asked her out on a date or you two just hangout casually like friends. No, after we met again we haven't been on a date
Ms. Joolie Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 (edited) Well then, clearly you need to begin approaching this from a dating perspective. You are friends already, so that helps as far as conversation goes. Maybe you have her number by now, if not ask her for it. Then you come up with a place you can take her and ask her out. Doesn't have to be special, just out of your ordinary routine together. Make it a date. Have a good time, and proceed from there. But you will have to step out of the friendzone and begin to show your real interest in her. She will go along if she's interested, or not if she wants to keep it friendly. Edited February 23, 2010 by Ms. Joolie
Phateless Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 1. Those three paragraphs of details aren't really relevant, they're just excuses for fear. 2. Friendship to relationship transition is not a big deal, if you do it right. How is it when you hang out? Are you touchy-feely, cuddly, high-fives, etc? The first thing you need to do is start gradually increasing physical contact, see how she reacts. A hug here, a casual arm around her for a minute when you're walking, but pull away before she does, etc. Increase the energy/sexual tension. Friendly teasing, flirting, banter, etc. Tickle fights actually work sometimes. Eventually you just have to grow a pair of balls and plant one on her. You will NEVER get a giant flashing neon sign that says "I like you. It's ok to kiss me now, I won't reject you." Fear of rejection is part of it. Sack up and make a move.
Author LastSpartan Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 (edited) 1. Those three paragraphs of details aren't really relevant, they're just excuses for fear. No doubt about that ;-) How is it when you hang out? Are you touchy-feely, cuddly, high-fives, etc? It depends, a welcome kiss on the cheek is obviously welcome, the rest depends on the mood, not so "touchy-feely" in general. She's more an introvertic type, might welcome my moves but won't make any The first thing you need to do is start gradually increasing physical contact, see how she reacts. A hug here, a casual arm around her for a minute when you're walking, but pull away before she does, etc. Increase the energy/sexual tension. Friendly teasing, flirting, banter, etc. Tickle fights actually work sometimes. Eventually you just have to grow a pair of balls and plant one on her. I like this, it's similar to what I've been thinking about and probably there's no better advice. And I guess there's always going to be that uncomfortable fear of rejection unless I make a move... Edited February 23, 2010 by LastSpartan
Phateless Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 No doubt about that ;-) It depends, a welcome kiss on the cheek is obviously welcome, the rest depends on the mood, not so "touchy-feely" in general. She's more an introvertic type, might welcome my moves but won't make any I like this, it's similar to what I've been thinking about and probably there's no better advice. And I guess there's always going to be that uncomfortable fear of rejection unless I make a move... Yup, you've got the right attitude now! From what you've described it sounds like there's an opportunity there, just don't be too afraid to go after it. So what are you going to invite her to THIS WEEKEND that will give you an opportunity to start ramping up the sexual tension?
Author LastSpartan Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 Yup, you've got the right attitude now! From what you've described it sounds like there's an opportunity there, just don't be too afraid to go after it. So what are you going to invite her to THIS WEEKEND that will give you an opportunity to start ramping up the sexual tension? As I wrote before: friday = party! I'll introduce her to my friends and we're going to have a good time dancing somewhere in a club =) She lives not far from me so I'll walk her home and we'll see what happens
Phateless Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 As I wrote before: friday = party! I'll introduce her to my friends and we're going to have a good time dancing somewhere in a club =) She lives not far from me so I'll walk her home and we'll see what happens Sounds great! Be spontaneous and make something happen. Dancing is a great opportunity for sexual tension and teasing. I'm pretty into salsa dancing (and sometimes lindy) myself, so I can relate to enjoying dancing.
Author LastSpartan Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 Probably as soon as I get on the dancefloor all problems will go away, cause I love dancing! I'm getting more and more excited about this (in a good way, not nervous ). Wish me luck
Ms. Joolie Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Good luck! But you do plan to ask her out sometime I hope? I know you want to get all handsy and stuff with her, but you'd really stand out by treating her well and asking a date first. Then get handsy.... and stuff.
Author LastSpartan Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 Good luck! But you do plan to ask her out sometime I hope? I know you want to get all handsy and stuff with her, but you'd really stand out by treating her well and asking a date first. Then get handsy.... and stuff. Of course I do! It's just that, as we're good friends already, we're past the "getting to know each other" stuff and going out dancing will hopefully bring more progress, and if it goes well, asking her out for a coffee or something will be the first thing to do the next day
Phateless Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Of course I do! It's just that, as we're good friends already, we're past the "getting to know each other" stuff and going out dancing will hopefully bring more progress, and if it goes well, asking her out for a coffee or something will be the first thing to do the next day I'm hoping you'll be asking her out for breakfast saturday morning.
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