Getting_stronger Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 How can I be dignified and not reply if the cold mongrel has moved on and never even thinks of me? When do I get the chance to show what a better person I am????
Lucy_b Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 You move on and try to put your ex from your mind take up a new hobbie go out with your friends do something that takes your mind off you ex. If you want to show that you are a better person and want to get back with them calling them a mongrle is not a good start.
Author Getting_stronger Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 I know. Just a bad day today. Sorry
Sadbutrelieved Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 (edited) Don't worry about showing him that you're a better person without him. Some people would never see or acknowledge that anyway. All you can do is show yourself that you're a better person by getting your life back. It's easier said than done, but in the end who cares what he thinks? If he's anything like my ex "mongrel" he probably doesn't waste a minute thinking about anything but himself. ETA: Don't feel bad, we all have bad days. I had one yesterday, and I thought I was doing fine. The emotions have to come out in order for you to heal. Edited February 23, 2010 by Sadbutrelieved
Author Getting_stronger Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 Thanks Sad. He is very self focussed and that seems to work for him- just not anyone around him. He wont think of me again- certainly wont contact me. I just would have liked to think there was one text/call I didnt jump to for him. I dont want him back- I have seen the real him now- and it wasnt somehing I want to be around.
counterman Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I understand how you feel. Every now and then I get this vision of me showing my ex how much I've improved and how I am much better off without her. It is certainly an entertaining vision. However, I know that by picturing that I still care about what she thinks, so I try to put it out of my mind and just focus on myself. I try to make the right decisions by myself. My ex is with someone else and I like that it is No Contact both ways with us. Difference is I'm using No Contact to improve on myself and to learn from my mistakes. She still thinks she is an angel and believes that she did everything right and that I would come crawling to her.
Sadbutrelieved Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I just would have liked to think there was one text/call I didnt jump to for him. That may come somewhere down the line...if I know anything about exes, it's that they tend to pop up when you least expect it. I know you probably want to get in just one jab to hurt him, I know I do, but be content to wait it out and if it never happens you probably won't care anyway. Eventually we all heal. I'm going to assume I'm healed when I no longer want to hurt him, and I'm trying to behave myself until that time comes.
iheartboobs Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 So, let me see if I've got this right: You were having an affair behind your husband's back with a married man, and now you want to show the OM what a better (dignified) person you are by starting NC with him, but you can't because the OM (cold mongrel) has already started NC with you? Does that about sum it up? Wow, lady... I may not be perfect, but you are one hell of a piece of work.
Ilovecake Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 how does your husband feel about all of this? any kids?
Ilovecake Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 So, let me see if I've got this right: You were having an affair behind your husband's back with a married man, and now you want to show the OM what a better (dignified) person you are by starting NC with him, but you can't because the OM (cold mongrel) has already started NC with you? Does that about sum it up? Wow, lady... I may not be perfect, but you are one hell of a piece of work. No actually I just read that original post. She was homewrecking with another woman's husband, who has a child. I have zero respect for that and the fact that there is no remorse except for her own feelings is just dispicable. Yuck.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 When do I get the chance to show what a better person I am???? Why is it important to you that he sees you as 'the better person'?
Trimmer Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 How can I be dignified and not reply if the cold mongrel has moved on and never even thinks of me? How? You be dignified and don't reply. What do you think the point of NC is? It's not a tool to influence the other person, it's a tool to get you disconnected from a damaging relationship and move on with your life. So it sounds like your path to moving on with your life is clear. Take it. Be dignified. You are luckier than most, in that the OM is not making himself an obstacle to your forward progress. When do I get the chance to show what a better person I am???? Right now. The most important person to demonstrate this to is yourself, and then possibly to those who are still in your life. That should be your focus.
Author Getting_stronger Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 wow- thanks to those who judged me. Feeling better now. My marriage is well over. Husband/partner is aware. I have made a mistake, been rightfully burnt and now scolded by fellow posters, and Im making amends. He lied to me about his marriage but Im sure many of you will judge me for that as well. Im glad you have all lived such wonderful mistake free lives. I hope I can learn from you. Thank you for your understanding
iheartboobs Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 (edited) You know what? You're right. I don't know you, your husband, the OM, or the OM's wife. I don't know any of your circumstances or motives nor did I bother to try and learn them. I'm certainly not perfect and have made more than a few mistakes in my life and my marriage. I have no right to judge you or what you did and I'm sorry. Like seriously sorry... sincerity translates on the internet about as well as sarcasm, but I am actually sorry. Edited February 24, 2010 by iheartboobs
Author Getting_stronger Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 You know what? You're right. I don't know you, your husband, the OM, or the OM's wife. I don't know any of your circumstances or motives nor did I bother to try and learn them. I'm certainly not perfect and have made more than a few mistakes in my life and my marriage. I have no right to judge you or what you did and I'm sorry. Like seriously sorry... sincerity translates on the internet about as well as sarcasm, but I am actually sorry. Thank you mate. I deserved a kick at some level - and I am certainly feeling a lot more 'aware' of what i have and what i need to work towards. I appreciate your apology. It means a lot- thank you. This has been my best and most amazing life experience for personal growth (having said that its been absolutely terrible- but nothing like bottoming out to realise how low you have sunk). Onwards and upwards from here.
selena_cat Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 I know. Just a bad day today. Sorry No need to be sorry,your being kind,if it looks like a mongrel,acts like mongrel..... what do you think?
iheartboobs Posted February 25, 2010 Posted February 25, 2010 This has been my best and most amazing life experience for personal growth (having said that its been absolutely terrible- but nothing like bottoming out to realise how low you have sunk). Onwards and upwards from here. I feel the same way about my situation: the best thing that's ever happened to me was my wife, and the best thing she ever did for me was to leave me. Ain't that just a kick in the ass?
Author Getting_stronger Posted February 26, 2010 Author Posted February 26, 2010 I feel the same way about my situation: the best thing that's ever happened to me was my wife, and the best thing she ever did for me was to leave me. Ain't that just a kick in the ass? How does that work? do you miss her? Were there still feelings?
iheartboobs Posted February 26, 2010 Posted February 26, 2010 Oh, I miss her like crazy, and I love her as much now as I ever did. I was with her for 8 years, I'm 26 now, so my entire adult life has had her at it's center... her leaving me hurts like nothing else ever has. ...but because she's left, I've been forced to reflect on my life. I realize now what a terrible man I had become, full of anger and self loathing. I've reconnected with my family that I was never really that close to and who've all been incredibly supportive. I rediscovered my faith that I had lost years ago. As painful as it's been, it's also been an incredible growth experience. If she hadn't left, I'd still be the same self-hating destructive man I was then, and, in the future, I might have even gotten worse or included our daughter in the abuse. As is, I have a rare chance: I know what I've done wrong, and I have the opportunity, motivation, and ability to change. Besides, I really do love my wife, and if I have to choose between her being miserable with me or happy without me... well, that's not even really a choice.
Author Getting_stronger Posted February 27, 2010 Author Posted February 27, 2010 Wow that is an amazing story- sad but so inspirational. Your daughter will benefit and your wife must surely see the goodness in you now xxx
Recommended Posts