mortensorchid Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Several weeks ago I met this man online. I've been seeing him for a few weeks now, things are going very well. The first time I was over his house, I see these pictures on his fridge and asked who everyone was. He said these were his nieces and nephews (which were obvious as they were kids / teenagers), his brother and sister-in-law, and another of him and this woman. The woman is his ex gf / fiancee. I just left it at that, he's 40, it would be foolish if not downright neive of one to assume that he has had a past. He volunteered information about her to me, I wasn't going to ask about it. They were together for 10 years, he said. They had lived in this house together, they had worked towards buying the house and then the plan was to get married. And then, according to him, he came home one day and found that all her stuff was gone. Three months later he heard from her again, confirming that she had left. I didn't ask anything else about it. I'm not sure how long ago they broke up, does anyone find that odd?
boogieboy Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Dont read into it unless youre going to ask him if he is over his fiance yet, and how long ago did she leave him.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Yeah, I would be very turned off that he had a picture of her up. Having a relationship history is fine -- keeping pictures of it on your fridge is not. He might not be over it. 10 years is a long time. Then a disappearing act. Pretty intense. And who knows how recently it was?
D-Lish Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I would see it as a bit of a red flag that he still has a picture up. My ex dated an artist and his entire house was decorated with sketches she made for him, including portrait sketches of the two of them together. Each pic was signed: To F, love, A.... It drove me crazy. When I break up with someone, I put the pictures and reminders away.
phineas Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 My wife moved out 11 months ago when I caught her cheating. I don't have any pictures of her or us up. My family thankfully took care of them when we purged my house of anything that had to do with her.
D-Lish Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 My wife moved out 11 months ago when I caught her cheating. I don't have any pictures of her or us up. My family thankfully took care of them when we purged my house of anything that had to do with her. Exactly... I don't see the logic behind keeping pics like that in plain view to remind you of your pain everytime you open the fridge.
RobM Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I don't think it's a big deal, everyone I dated in my past was part of my life and I don't just erase them when the relationship ends. However if it ended really really badly I might burn all the pics.
D-Lish Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I don't think it's a big deal, everyone I dated in my past was part of my life and I don't just erase them when the relationship ends. However if it ended really really badly I might burn all the pics. Would you keep all your ex gf's pics on display in your home for your new gf to see everytime she comes over?
Lindarose84 Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 When I break up with someone, I remove all reminders of them from my life. If for nothing else, he should at least take the pictures down out of respect for you and your relationship. It doesn't really matter if he thinks they're harmless or artsy or whatever- as long as it upsets you, it should upset him that it's upsetting you and thus, force him to remove them. Simple act of respect if you ask me.
Author mortensorchid Posted February 24, 2010 Author Posted February 24, 2010 I just realized that I have a photo of me and my old bf up around the house. It's not in a frame on display, but in a cabinet. We broke up nearly 10 years ago (wow, it's been that long), he moved away 5 years ago and I haven't heard from him since. I'm not sure why I keep it out now that I think of it. Maybe I too should put this away?
Crazy Magnet Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 Last time a guy had a pic up of an ex GF he ended up cheating on me with her. It's not something I take lightly anymore! I have no printed photos of any ex's on display. I find it rude. I burned all the pictures of my husband except our prom photo from way back in high school (I had the coolest dress EVER!) and the actual wedding album. Maybe my kids would want to see it one day or something. It's buried in the attic at my parents house many states away! My Mom talked me out of setting it on fire too! lol
2sunny Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 i do have some pictures of the ex in the house... but only for my kids sake. this is part of the history and part of the life we once knew... to pretend like it never was would be ridiculous. it gives them good memories and comfort - so they are there for sheer pleasure experiences. nothing more, nothing less.
Stung Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I do have pictures and mementos of exes, but they're put away, in albums or boxes, unless they're such specifically utilitarian things that I don't make any emotional connection between object and ex. I've never left old pictures out, that does seem odd. Maybe not a big deal though esp. this early in your relationship, I'd wait a bit and try to get a better feel for how he's dealing with her memories. My husband has a bunch of pictures of his most serious exgf as they have a child together, but they're all put away in a box that my stepdaughter can look through any time she wants to see pics of herself when she was a baby or her parents when they were young and together. I remember once after I had already moved in with him I found a silver flask with a love note engraved into it from that same exgf, on a kitchen shelf that was now also MY kitchen shelf because I lived there too. That did kind of bother me, looking at the engraved gift on my shelf, so I asked him to move it. I think it's in his closet now, but I really don't know. As long as it's out of MY kitchen :laugh:
Woggle Posted February 24, 2010 Posted February 24, 2010 I have a few pictures of my ex in a closet somewhere in case anybody wants to know what she looked like though she looks nothing like that today. I don't keep them displayed though.
Recommended Posts