conehead Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I noticed that with a lot of my facebook friends, after they have a breakup (doesn't matter who did the dumping) alot of them still keep pics of their ex on their facebook page. Pics along with any ex's comments, posts, etc. Some of these pics are of the former couple kissing even. Personally, I find this to be very bothersome if I had a bf who kept all these things of his ex. However, this seems to be the new norm on fb. Would it be crazy of me to avoid dating any guy who has pics of ex gfs on fb? Thoughts?
Twenty-ten Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I think the psychology behind that is that if you were the dumper you don't want to further hurt the dumpee's feelings by also dumping all their pics, and if you were the dumpee you don't want to come across bitter and like you are hurting. All boils down to pride of one or the other. Mistake #1 is adding a person you are dating to FB. Keep it private and don't ask to be added to a new love interest's profile and you will never have to do your head in with stuff that shouldn't really concern you anyway. I mean the general "you" by the way....
Ruby Slippers Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 My ex still has pictures of us on his myspace, a year and a half after I broke up with him. And I heard a rumor that he is seeing someone new. WTF? I would find it very strange if my new boyfriend had sappy pictures of him and his ex on his myspace or FB. I think it's extremely weird, and I have no idea why anyone would want to keep those pictures up.
threebyfate Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Neither my husband or myself have Fb or myspace accounts, although I did have a myspace peer pressured account and deleted it years ago, through non-use. These social network sites really seem to complicate life, rather than help or be fun. If people are okay with having pics of their exes, having to look at them all the time, whether they're dumpers or dumpees, more power to them. Myself, it would rip my heart out, if I was trying to get over someone. Pride at your own expense, seems pretty worthless.
Author conehead Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 I think the psychology behind that is that if you were the dumper you don't want to further hurt the dumpee's feelings by also dumping all their pics, and if you were the dumpee you don't want to come across bitter and like you are hurting. All boils down to pride of one or the other. I agree with that. However, once I get a new love interest, I delete all evidence of my exes (pics, comments etc) out of respect for my new bf and his feelings, whether I was the dumper/dumpee. I do this before I even add my new bf on facebook. I wish others would do the same... Mistake #1 is adding a person you are dating to FB. Keep it private and don't ask to be added to a new love interest's profile and you will never have to do your head in with stuff that shouldn't really concern you anyway. I mean the general "you" by the way.... If my current bf has pics of his exes on fb, I'd want to find out! lol Chances are that I will choose to not further pursue the RS if that were the case. My ex still has pictures of us on his myspace, a year and a half after I broke up with him. And I heard a rumor that he is seeing someone new. WTF? I would find it very strange if my new boyfriend had sappy pictures of him and his ex on his myspace or FB. I think it's extremely weird, and I have no idea why anyone would want to keep those pictures up. I so agree!!
Author conehead Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 How long have you been with this guy? I'm saying more in general. As for specifically, I've only dated the guy a month before deciding he's not right for me. Pics of his ex on fb did have something to do with it.
Twenty-ten Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Judging by some of my guy friends on FB, they don't remove their x's pics right away. A month is not long enough to demand that. FB pages are personal in a public way but still a personal space.
Author conehead Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 Judging by some of my guy friends on FB, they don't remove their x's pics right away. A month is not long enough to demand that. FB pages are personal in a public way but still a personal space. Yup, if he's not ready to remove the pics, then he's not ready to date me.
Twenty-ten Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Well if that was your only reason for ending it with him then I think it may have been a little premature, but you know best.
Author conehead Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 Well if that was your only reason for ending it with him then I think it may have been a little premature, but you know best. No like I said, that is part of the reason. If you read my other threads you will get the full story.
BG1985 Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Well if that was your only reason for ending it with him then I think it may have been a little premature, but you know best. You shouldn't date someone if that individual is not his/her ex. It'll only cause problems if the ex decides to come back into the picture after realizing that the person they dumped is deemed desirable by others.
Twenty-ten Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 No like I said, that is part of the reason. If you read my other threads you will get the full story. Ok cool I'll have to read up on your story then. You shouldn't date someone if that individual is not his/her ex. It'll only cause problems if the ex decides to come back into the picture after realizing that the person they dumped is deemed desirable by others. I agree but someone could not be over their ex and not have pics up on FB and you would never know, I think you have to take it all with a grain of salt. It could mean that, like it could mean that they are too lazy to remove the pics yet. It's tough to say, the only way to know for sure is judging by a person's actions and if in time the pics don't come down then you know. A month is too soon to tell. That's why FB adds are funny. I never ask and never add, not unless I am committed to someone. Any interaction on there can be misinterpreted or can add cause for alarm. Why do that to yourself? Relationships are hard enough as it is.
terra Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Both my boyfriend and I don't post pictures on facebook. There are the odd pictures from people that will post pictures from parties that we are in together (but I'm in pictures with a lot of different people) but that's about it. I just wouldn't want the trouble of deleting pictures if we broke up and all that drama. I'm definitely glad he isn't a big facebooker - I can see how it could cause unnecessary tension in relationships. I use facebook to message my cousins and maybe post a picture of my cat doing something stupid and attend events.
BG1985 Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Ok cool I'll have to read up on your story then. I agree but someone could not be over their ex and not have pics up on FB and you would never know, I think you have to take it all with a grain of salt. It could mean that, like it could mean that they are too lazy to remove the pics yet. It's tough to say, the only way to know for sure is judging by a person's actions and if in time the pics don't come down then you know. A month is too soon to tell. That's why FB adds are funny. I never ask and never add, not unless I am committed to someone. Any interaction on there can be misinterpreted or can add cause for alarm. Why do that to yourself? Relationships are hard enough as it is. You're right about the fact that not having pictures doesn't necessarily mean they are over their ex. However it's still a good indicator in my opinion. I'm not saying that you should have to comb through hundreds or thousands of pictures just to make sure you got rid of your ex. Just make sure they're not all over the place. No profile pictures. No easily-accessable wall posts. Don't "like" things your ex posts. Even better, delete your ex.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 He called me demanding to know WHY I took down all our pictures, and I told him honestly, "I don't like to look at you on my facebook any more. I'm seeing other people." He was seeing someone too, but for some reason he wanted all those pics. Hm. Yeah, it seems men are more attached to the pictures for some reason. Once a man breaks my heart, I don't want to see his face anymore for a long, long time because it hurts too much.
Silver_star Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I noticed that with a lot of my facebook friends, after they have a breakup (doesn't matter who did the dumping) alot of them still keep pics of their ex on their facebook page. Pics along with any ex's comments, posts, etc. Some of these pics are of the former couple kissing even. Personally, I find this to be very bothersome if I had a bf who kept all these things of his ex. However, this seems to be the new norm on fb. Would it be crazy of me to avoid dating any guy who has pics of ex gfs on fb? Thoughts? When i started dating my last bf, he had pics of his ex on his fb. It bothered me a little. So i told him i wouldnt accept his "relationship" request on facebook (which he sent me a little after the realtionship started) until he got rid of those pics. I said it kinda jokingly, but i was serious. I dont think its appropriate. Now that we are broken up (a couple weeks after the break up) I deleted our pics. I neeeded time to adjust, and then I deleted them
tigressA Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I delete all pictures with my ex in them immediately after a breakup. I don't want to see them, period. On the other hand, whether or not the photos get deleted could have something to do with how often a person uses Facebook. Someone could hardly log on and therefore still have pictures/wall posts lingering. Another reason that photos don't get deleted is because someone just doesn't care--they don't feel they have to offer any proof that they're single again/over their ex besides saying that they are, and they don't care what others think of that. I know people who illustrate both examples, so I always keep those possibilities in mind. The only thing I'd be concerned with is if I noticed consistent contact between a dating prospect and his ex, after a breakup.
Crazy Magnet Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I've been on facebook for many years now, so that ends up with a lot of ex's left over on there. If I'm in a long term R, I usually make a picture album of just me and that guy, and that's where I post all the nauseating kissy pictures. It's easy to delete or make invisible after a break up. For other picture albums, like for a specific event, I will have many pics posted of not only all the people who were there, but the BF at the time as well. I never post lovey dovey photos to that one, and those pictures I leave up. They were a part of my life and my experiences, I don't see the need to go through every last album and delete every last photo of a guy from a long term R. He existed, nothing I delete on facebook will make him not exist. My current BF didn't get on facebook until after we started dating, and for some odd reason, people thought it was a good idea to start tagging pics of him with his most recent ex of 3 years. I had a short moment of "Really!?!"but I got over it. I'm way hotter! lol
make me believe Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I had a few pictures of my ex & I up on facebook until my bf asked me to take them down. I actually didn't realize they were there though, I thought I'd deleted them all! They were mostly group shots with a couple friends, me, and my ex. We are still friends with each other, and there weren't any kissing pics or anything. Anyway, I guess my bf's sister was looking at my fb and saw the pics & said something about it to him, so he asked me to remove them.
MalachiX Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I just don't feel I need to go back through all my old photos to find ones of my EX to delete. Photos of me with my old GFs are buried pretty far back and I don't really keep in touch with these girls. It just seems like sifting through all your photos and erasing anyone that has an EX in it is giving a lot more power to those pictures and the memory of your EX than they deserve.
Silver_star Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I just don't feel I need to go back through all my old photos to find ones of my EX to delete. Photos of me with my old GFs are buried pretty far back and I don't really keep in touch with these girls. It just seems like sifting through all your photos and erasing anyone that has an EX in it is giving a lot more power to those pictures and the memory of your EX than they deserve. I can see your point. But I also see the value in maybe creating a folder for it in your computer or printing off a few pics that are memories to keep and deleteing the other ones. Why hang on to pics of ex's? Especially if you dont talk to that person anymore. If you do, well then that is different and maybe its a seperate issue altogether.
tigressA Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I just don't feel I need to go back through all my old photos to find ones of my EX to delete. Photos of me with my old GFs are buried pretty far back and I don't really keep in touch with these girls. It just seems like sifting through all your photos and erasing anyone that has an EX in it is giving a lot more power to those pictures and the memory of your EX than they deserve. I definitely see this point. While everyone is different and will do things their own way, I can understand people thinking like this. And honestly, if someone is so insistent on having pictures of their partner and his/her ex deleted, it just screams insecurity. What happened to trusting people? I say as long as there's no contact between exes, there's nothing to worry about. They're with YOU, not THEM, remember?
MalachiX Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I can see your point. But I also see the value in maybe creating a folder for it in your computer or printing off a few pics that are memories to keep and deleteing the other ones. Why hang on to pics of ex's? Especially if you dont talk to that person anymore. I don't think facebook is the same thing as having pictures of your EX sitting around your apartment. Yes, physical pictures of any exes get taken down and go in a box as soon as a relationship is over. The pictures on facebook however are basically a chronicle of what you've been up to over the last several years. They're snapshots from your life from important occasions to incredibly trivial ones. Sifting through all those pics just to find any that happen to have your EX in it and delete them seems silly. It makes it seem that you're so destroyed by the loss of a relationship that you have to block out an entire section of your life because of their presence. That just doesn't sound healthy to me. I don't keep in touch with my EX's but I don't feel the need to pretend they never existed.
BG1985 Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I definitely see this point. While everyone is different and will do things their own way, I can understand people thinking like this. And honestly, if someone is so insistent on having pictures of their partner and his/her ex deleted, it just screams insecurity. What happened to trusting people? I say as long as there's no contact between exes, there's nothing to worry about. They're with YOU, not THEM, remember? My whole argument is to be reasonable. Although I'm not on Facebook anymore (which has to do with an ex girlfriend to be honest), just delete pictures and wall posts that would be easy to find. For instance get rid of any Valentine's Day albums and such. If I'm willing to do this for myself, my potential girlfriend should give me the same courtesy.
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