conehead Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I've posted about this before. I broke up with this guy after I met him mid-January mainly because I can't trust him and I think he's not over his ex. He claims he's over her, thinks she's wronged him (he said the breakup was mutual but I think she is the one who dumped him) and he told me that 'conehead, you're important to me...I want to be with you.' He kept pleading for me and I said no repeatedly. 5 days after I broke up with him, he started posted comments on his ex's facebook page. When I saw it, my heart sank. Do you think he did it just to hurt me and get back at me for breaking up with him? Or perhaps it is true that he isn't really over his ex and that he's lied to me about it? On one hand, I'm glad I made the right decision to break up with him. But on the other hand, it really hurts. It's like a double edge sword...
You'reasian Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I've posted about this before. I broke up with this guy after I met him mid-January mainly because I can't trust him and I think he's not over his ex. He claims he's over her, thinks she's wronged him (he said the breakup was mutual but I think she is the one who dumped him) and he told me that 'conehead, you're important to me...I want to be with you.' He kept pleading for me and I said no repeatedly. 5 days after I broke up with him, he started posted comments on his ex's facebook page. When I saw it, my heart sank. Do you think he did it just to hurt me and get back at me for breaking up with him? Or perhaps it is true that he isn't really over his ex and that he's lied to me about it? On one hand, I'm glad I made the right decision to break up with him. But on the other hand, it really hurts. It's like a double edge sword... Best thing to do is go no contact - let time and distance heal everything, move on. If something happens down the line, enjoy it - if not, you've moved on and can appreciate your new self.
boogieboy Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Stop looking at his ex's fb page. He's not doing that to hurt you, youre doing that to yourself. if you didnt want to break it off, you shouldnt have. Stop stalking him.
spinster Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 It is possible you drove him to want to contact his ex because of your insecurities, and because you broke up with him. If you can't trust, you don't have a relationship. No one likes being mistrusted for something that may be imaginary. I am dealing with similar insecurities and facebook problems.
Author conehead Posted February 22, 2010 Author Posted February 22, 2010 Stop looking at his ex's fb page. He's not doing that to hurt you, youre doing that to yourself. if you didnt want to break it off, you shouldnt have. Stop stalking him. I broke up with him because I doubted whether he was over his ex. Well as we can now tell, he most likely isn't if he's already posted on her fb page. So I think I made the right decision. I kept tabs on him on fb to figure out whether I made the right decision or not, especially since he proposed that he's going to contact me in a few months to see if I want to try again. I need this info to decide if I still want to. It is possible you drove him to want to contact his ex because of your insecurities, and because you broke up with him. What do you mean by that? If you can't trust, you don't have a relationship. Yes I realized that. That is why I broke up with him, because if I can't trust him, how can I be with him?
spinster Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 (edited) It is a natural (if perhaps immature) reaction to contact someone from your past after a break up. Maybe it's an ego thing, or fear of being alone, grasping onto something familiar, stuff like that. If you don't think you can ever trust him, that's okay and you were right to break up with him. Just make sure your mistrust is solely about him, and not because of a bad experience in a previous relationship or something else from your past. Something real and not imagined. I don't know him, so I suppose it is possible that it is true that he's not over his ex. I just thought I'd throw out a different perspective. You can CHOOSE to trust, but it's a leap of faith and not easy. I am struggling with this. Edited February 22, 2010 by spinster
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I've read your other posts. You didn't treat this guy very well. He showed signs of wanting to be with you. No matter what he did or said, it was never enough for you. So leave him alone. He's living his life. You chose not to be in it, so stop monitoring his behavior and making it about you.
Author conehead Posted February 22, 2010 Author Posted February 22, 2010 It is a natural (if perhaps immature) reaction to contact someone from your past after a break up. Maybe it's an ego thing, or fear of being alone, grasping onto something familiar, stuff like that. True, that is one possibility. I know what you mean. I've contacted exes before after a recent breakup just to get comfort, which is usually never a good idea as it just backfires most of the time and makes me feel worse. Just make sure your mistrust is solely about him, and not because of a bad experience in a previous relationship or something else from your past. Something real and not imagined. If you read my previous posts on him, I'm quite certain it's not just in my imagination. I've read your other posts. You didn't treat this guy very well. He showed signs of wanting to be with you. No matter what he did or said, it was never enough for you. So leave him alone. He's living his life. You chose not to be in it, so stop monitoring his behavior and making it about you. I only monitor him because he proposed that he'd want me to give him another chance in a few months. I never accepted nor denied his proposition. Thus I'm checking him out now to see if he's worth the trouble to try again in a few months time.
tigressA Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I've read your other posts. You didn't treat this guy very well. He showed signs of wanting to be with you. No matter what he did or said, it was never enough for you. So leave him alone. He's living his life. You chose not to be in it, so stop monitoring his behavior and making it about you. I second this. You made it clear to him that you didn't want to be with him; he took what you said at face value, as well he should have, and now you're hurt. Stop reading between the lines and realize that YOU are the only one causing yourself pain here.
Author conehead Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 I second this. You made it clear to him that you didn't want to be with him; he took what you said at face value, as well he should have, and now you're hurt. Stop reading between the lines and realize that YOU are the only one causing yourself pain here. Once again, I only monitor him because he proposed that he'd want me to give him another chance in a few months. I never accepted nor denied his proposition. Thus I'm checking him out now to see if he's worth the trouble to try again in a few months time.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I only monitor him because he proposed that he'd want me to give him another chance in a few months. I never accepted nor denied his proposition. Thus I'm checking him out now to see if he's worth the trouble to try again in a few months time. Seriously? I hope you aren't expecting to hear from him in a few months.
spinster Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Thus I'm checking him out now to see if he's worth the trouble to try again in a few months time. This is crazy/jealous future girlfriend behaviour. You will be checking up on all your future boyfriends if you continue this mindset, and you will lose them quickly. I have acted like you in the past; it is no wonder I am single.
Author conehead Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 Seriously? I hope you aren't expecting to hear from him in a few months. After what I saw him post on his exes fb, ofcourse I don't expect him to! He obviously never cared for me. Better to realize that now than later.
tigressA Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Once again, I only monitor him because he proposed that he'd want me to give him another chance in a few months. I never accepted nor denied his proposition. Thus I'm checking him out now to see if he's worth the trouble to try again in a few months time. Again, I say--stop causing yourself pain. "In a few months"? Yeah right. That's code talk for "Never again--well, unless I don't have anyone else lined up. In that case, possibly." I highly recommend you move on.
boogieboy Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 After what I saw him post on his exes fb, ofcourse I don't expect him to! He obviously never cared for me. Better to realize that now than later. The way you treated him? He shouldnt have cared for you, you played games with him.
Author conehead Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 Ok everyone is telling me I treated him poorly. How exactly did I do that? I broke up with him yes, but for valid reasons. And obviously now his fb behavior confirms I made the right decision.
tigressA Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 His FB behavior confirms you made the right decision? You told him you didn't want to see him anymore; he's moving on! IMO, after reading your threads I think both of you are too insecure/immature to even be dating, but good luck with whatever you choose to do.
St. Nick Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 You treated him poorly by stalking him and evaluating every last move he makes. I bet he couldn't scratch his balls without you making him feel like he was on trial. Jeez. I feel sorry for this poor dude I haven't even met. Yer already showing insecure behavior toward a guy you hardly got into a relationship and who you dumped for flimsy reasons. Uber-creepy! Seriously, what's the guy's facebook name? He needs to be warned to stay away from you.
Recommended Posts