Serious question: Why are many women so standoffish around guys their own age?

February 22, 2010

I'm 25 and I just started a new job and immediately noticed I'm hitting it off with female co-workers who are in their 30s or older, while the women closer to my age range appear standoffish. I've been noticing this a lot lately, especially at my old job: I feel more comfortable and easygoing with older women, while women my own age seem to have a force field around them. Of course, it's not always the case, but more and more I'm hitting it off with older women much more than women my own age. This isn't limited to me. When I viewed the "What's the deal with men and age?" thread I read a lot of quotes from dudes who notice women with at around a 10-year age distance are giving them attention:

Women might think this is odd, but it seems perfectly normal to men to pursue younger women, provided they are mature. Part of the issue is that a lot of women do tend to want older men when they are in their mid-20s. I am 34 and I actually think that I get more attention now from women in their mid-late 20s than I did 10 years ago, when I was 24.

In high school, as a freshman, all the women my age were trying to date seniors, as a senior, all the women my age were trying to date college aged guys or sleeping with even older adult men. Same in college, senior women I knew in college had already started sleeping with and dating 25-30 y.o. businessmen even before graduating. Early 20s, many of the women my age at work were hitting on, sleeping with and dating 40-50 y.o. men for career advancement or for whatever reason. Not one or two... most of them. Up until I got into the mid 30s this continued, coincidentally the time when many women start to show significant age.

Oh please, give me a break I wasn't born yesterday. Older women who are into younger guys (a.k.a. cougars) are notoriously easy to pick up. In fact, you don't even need to pick them up - they try to pick you up! It must have been a while since the last time you've checked out the bar scene.

I haven't read the entire thread, but would like to add that now that I'm in my mid-thirties, I finally look like I'm in my mid- to late-twenties so naturally I'm getting lots of attention from girls in their early-twenties... It's flattering but kind of weird at the same time.

This is all in real life mind you - I would never get past the filter online.

I'm in my 30's too and love the attention I get from girls in the 20-24 age bracket

I'm in my late 20's and women in their mid 30's and 40's have messaged me. My age range is on there as well. It happens to people that are attractive . And by the looks of your photo, I'd definitely say you fall into that category.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t221699/

What's the deal? Why are women seem stuck-up around men their own age but more open to guys with an age gap? Is it another example of the contradictory nature of women? For example:

1. A woman says she wants a man who will treat her right but goes after a dude who treats her like dirt.

2. American women giving an American guy who looks like Justin Timberlake crap, but getting all hot and bothered over Gerard Depardieu simply because he has a French accent.

3. Women falling hard for a guy who is still pining for his ex, but overlooking a perfectly compatible single dude.

4. Calling me a sexist when I say the word chick, then wanting to go dancing at the nightclubs where the play hip-hop music with the most sexist lyrics known to man.

5. Calling me a sleazeball for openly inviting my male co-workers to a stripclub, but having not problem with banging the company CEO who is married with kids.

Do many women like men with a wide age gap cuz it's part of their contradictory nature? Or is there something deeper involved? Could somebody seriously answer this for me?

February 22, 2010

i dont have all the answers but i would say that maybe the older woman that you work with are more confident than the woman the same age as you?

February 22, 2010

I think the reason may be that there seems to be a "safe" feeling that you get around people not in your age group. Your inhibitions can go a little easier because there is not as much expectation to appeal or that the possibility of a hook up will occur. I know at my work most of the older men I can feel comfortable around. If i happen to flirt with them it happens pretty naturally and to me it feels almost like a light joking feeling to it because there is no intention of actually pursuing or making this person feeel like there is sexual interest. Why? maybe because I assume they are married, or not interested in me because we are at different age levels and I assume that even if they are attracted to me that they are likely my senior level (at work) and such things are inappropriate and unprofessional.

When a guy is in my age group there is alot more tension. Maybe that would make one seem stand-offish. You can assume they are standoffish. You wont really know until you approach the individual or see them outside of a worksetting to be able to tell if they are a snob, or if they are just trying to keep things professional.

February 22, 2010

You are 25 - mid twenties - so most women at the work place are striving to build their careers; some are stuck in the mindset that men are no good - but keep in mind, alot of people chose not to date in the work place.

Dating in the work place can turn out bad - the more separation, the better.

Women in their early to mid 30's are more comfortable in their own skin; know what they want - whether its a cool, reliable f-buddy or a more serious committed relationship.

I remember my mid 20's - again most women are getting established in the workforce, don't know what they want in terms of relationships and are still figuring themselves out.

Have fun with some older women

February 22, 2010

I see this as broader than just a gender or an age issue. Have you heard of the difference between just flirting and flirting with intent? Or to use a sports analogy, no matter how many times you practice the same shot, in a real game the dynamics are so much different.

I think people tend to seize up and evaluate much more critically in situations the expectation of a match is much more real.

February 22, 2010

Everyone seems to be saying the same thing in different ways, but it all comes back to my first thought :

It's so much easier to be comfy and friendly with people where there is no sexual attraction or likliness of a relationship.

I would watch my P&Q's more with a hot, single guy my age that I felt attraction towards than someone who I just felt a friend vibe with.

It's like Tigressa's thread about madonna/ whore complex re; sex, but put into a friendship context. We feel MORE comfy with buddies or potential buddies than people we find sexually attractive and are interested in a romantic sense.

Also, if these woman DON'T find you attractive, they would not want to send you mixed signals, whereas the married mother in her 40's is less likley to give that a second thought !

February 22, 2010

I think there is more pressure there for women around your own age -- either they will want to appeal to you, or, if not interested, afraid that if they are friendly you will misinterpret their intentions. The older women probably feel that there are no expectations due to the age gap so they are more relaxed and friendly.

February 23, 2010

Older females do not see you as a serious BF material. That is why they are relaxed and confident. Most of older females probably see you as a sex object for fun.

Girls of your age see you as equal, as a serious BF material or, even if not, anyway they take you too seriously. You actually do the same taking older females unseriously. Because young girls take you too seriously they see you as a person with some potential for a relationship. That is why they are not relaxed, and they are insecure and critical. Also, there is misunderstanding with girls of your age because deep inside they see you in an unrealistic way expecting that you are ready for a serious relationship with them.

On the other hand, you expect that there are plenty of girls who are really interested in just having sex.

February 23, 2010

Now this is starting to make some sense. I would like to say thank you to everyone who posted in this thread because you each game me a response that made damn good sense. Maybe older women are more confident, and maybe they're not flirting with intent, and maybe there isn't as much tension between people of different age groups as with folks the same age group. All that seems so true. Okay. Now I'm starting to understand. Once again, thank you all.

February 23, 2010

is this trend your noticing also similar for women much younger and older? do the 16-18 yr olds and 40-50 yr olds become standoffish with their age bracket men?

If your answer is no, your probably giving off vibes that women think your hitting on them (this sucks more if they find you unattractive).