zendopeace Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Hello everyone, I am a 27yo male, having just recently broken up with a girlfriend of 6 years (including 2 living together), her doing (she was interested in someone in Second Life!). I was pretty devastated. I couldnt think of being with another girl again, and to this day I still think about her, even with the problems I have with her. However.. recently I have started talking to my ex-ex-girlfriend again (the one I was with before her). It was innocent at first, and she was a great support during my tough time, and she was also having problems, and I of course was there for her for support. She has had a rough time since we broke up - her mum kicked her out of home, she met a guy and became pregnant not long after, it became abusive, and she left. She was a solo mum for a while, before meeting another guy. She wanted to move in with him, but being religious, he only agreed to it if she would marry him. So they did. These days, shes no longer happy with him - hes almost a stranger to her. So weve been talking. We met up for lunch one day, and it was great - just like old times, but obviously we have matured. We broke up because she wasnt stable enough for me (we were on and off a lot), but I now see that having to go through what she has, and having a kid, has really centered her. We would talk via MSN, not because its more private and easier to hide (it is), but because its what we had always done - we are both geeks . Ok, cut a long story short - our conversations and meetings have become more intense. We wanted each other - both needed something, both had history, seemed like a win/win - except that shes married. I had a struggle with this for a while, and so did she. But last weekend.. I took her to a party. Yes, we had ulterior motives, but the real reason we went was because some **** went down during the week, and she really needed to talk it all out - of course, that is first and foremost to me, so we did. We had long chats. We also ended up kissing and fondling each other in her car down by the beach. It was amazing. Later on in the night, we crashed at my mates place who was hosting the party - we cuddled all night. In the morning, we left and she dropped me at my place, before heading home. But she came inside and we hung out for a while - at the party, we werent given a lot of us-time, despite what I suggested above. There were people around, so it was hard for us to be ourselves. We chatted about some stuff some more, and the next thing I know, we were stripping each other and had amazing sex on the couch! So, yes, I can definitely say I am now the other guy. Im ok with that - shes not happy there, its a casual thing, and we both know it - I think. I get the feeling that she wants to now leave him for me. Please note, before this all happened, I tried to reason with her to stay with him - that she has a good thing going for herself. I dont really want an instant family at this stage, having just gotten out of a long term relationship. I think she knows that, but at the same time, she wants me and not him. Shes not happy there. Im not really after advice - I just wanted to tell the internet about what happened - I cant really tell my friends, as they think she is still the same bitchy girl from years ago - shes definitely changed, but they cant see that. Well, that and they know shes married! I do feel guilty towards my ex-girlfriend tho. Even tho she hasnt shown much in the way of interest towards me since our break up, and in fact has been in so-call virtual relationships with guys online, and even I suspect has explored having a girlfriend of her own online. Quite the strange feeling, being responsible for turning a girl lesbian. She was never really one to compliment me, or even make me feel like a normal worthwhile person. But my lover.. wow, she makes me feel so good as a person. I am so grateful to her for that.
greengoddess Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Yes she has really matured a lot. She left her child and her husband alone overnight while she ran off to a party and a make out session with you. Yes very mature behavior. Sounds to me like someone who wants to escape motherhood for a little bit. Don't go there. Don't get involved with this. It will just mess you up. The most common thing I hear the others say is the justification of but I tried to tell her or him to work on their marriage. You probably have no idea how common those words are. You can't tell her to work on her marriage while having play time with you.
Jacky Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Agree with Greengoddess. Don't get suck in unless she is willing to leave her husband or else it will get very complicated. And it will likely be you who will get hurt!
Tashcw Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Afraid I must agree with the above. From experience and reading around here, the exciting, confidence boosting, fun stage only lasts for a short time before you start to want and feel more (I see it a bit like a drug). Sounds like you are quite vulnerable at the mo, and I can honestly say that you'd be better of steering well clear, sticking close to your mates and finding someone who is single who is willing to build a life with you, as you were hoping for before. Take care of yourself most of all!
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