So it ends. He is moving away...what do i do now???

[purplehouse]

Ok so Oct 2008 i start a new job. Meet amazing guy. Spend one year admiring him at work and getting to know him. He liked me from the beginning too and sparks often flew....

 

Oct 2009 we meet up out side of work for the first time and have pretty much been together since.

 

I have grown to love him, he takes a little longer in that department but i know his feelings are strong.....he had just told me he'd love to meet my little boy and we are also heading away together for the weekend this thursday coming. Things were/are going great!!

 

BUT... He found out 4 days ago that a transfer he put in for ages ago has come through and he is moving 1800kms away in 4-5 weeks time.

 

It's his dream basically. He is going to live where he has always wanted to buy a house and start his business. (boating/fishing) up north.

 

It's the one thing no one can stop him from doing. He is shocked because the chance of a transfer was VERY slim and he can't believe it has happened now after we finally get together.

 

 

Anyway i am hurt. I am also happy for him and would never ask him to stay. How do i get through this???? Do i end it now so i can get a head start in moving on???? Or do we enjoy our last few weeks together?? We are going away on thursday and have a whole weekend off work to be together.

 

He really wants to stay in contact and he even said i could come visit him..It's only 2 hours on a plane.

 

He said he will miss me and wishes he could take me with him (i can't leave my child and i also can't take him as my ex and I do 50/50 shared care.) but he has to do this because it is now or never.

 

Since all this came about he has made more effort to spend even more time with me, coming by after work every night, making plans with me to go out on his boat again, he still even wants to come to my mums birthday lunch........

 

 

 

 

 

 

[purplehouse]

any thoughts?? I am seeing him later on and am so confused and sad...

[Ronni_W]

Big hugs, purplehouse.

It's such a personal call. Yes, being with him until he leaves will definitely be tinged with "such sweet sorrow" but it could still be amazing.

 

For myself, I'd probably opt to spend the time with him and deal with the pain after he leaves. I think I'd figure: It's gonna hurt anyway...and there is still good stuff left to be enjoyed, so why not just enjoy it?

 

I suppose you could look at it as your relationship having been given only 4 to 5 weeks left to live. We probably would not abandon a human being just so that we could get a jump start on our inevitable grieving...so maybe we ought not abandon a relationship for that reason, either?

 

But. I could totally understand and empathize with any heart that would need to let go sooner than later. It's a difficult decision. I'd suggest maybe just do the thing that will give you most comfort, overall and in general.

[purplehouse]

Thanks Ronni, you make a good point about abandoning someone who has 4 weeks to live. You wouldn't do it. It will hurt either way, i have to see him at work in the meantime anyway.....

 

 

yikes this hurts....suddenly everything changes in a flash. I will really really miss him. We have become really close and spend so much time together. It will be eerie when he has left. He is one of those guys, walks into a room and it lights up. At work it's the same. When he arrives everyone starts chatting and smiling etc...

 

 

So glad i got to meet him though.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

That's just a sad and unfortunate-for-you fate.

 

I can sense from your words the significant 'drive' behind his interest in moving, and you need to assure yourself that it has little or nothing to do with you.

 

 

This is one of those that just hurts to lose, in part because you didn't even do anything wrong to bring it about.

 

 

Hopefully the bright side of this is that you will be in much better emotional shape when bridging the gap between relationships than you might tend to be just after a relationship blow-up causes a separation, and then you have to recover before trudging on to try again.

[whichwayisup]

Spend time together. Don't distance yourself, enjoy what time you two have left.

 

Anything could happen, so don't feel it's OVER over.. Maybe just put on hold?

 

I would try the long distance thing for a little bit and see how you both feel in a few months or so.

 

Sorry you're hurting. I bet he's hurting too..

[purplehouse]

thanks everyone for your thoughts.

 

I can't stop crying at night and every now and then a song plays that we have listened too, or a song that describes what i am feeling.

 

He is absolutely perfect to me. I can't imagine meeting anyone that makes me feel the way he does. the chemistry has always been there and we 'fit' so well together... i am afraid i will always compare any future man to him

 

He told me he wished he met me years ago.... and that i am his 'prefect girl' in terms of what he likes in a woman.

 

I don't know how he can leave?? I mean i know he has to do this but if im so special to him why is he willing to let it go????

 

(Sorry feeling a bit upset, i would never say this stuff to him!!)

 

I feel angry, frustrated, and so sad..... of course i want him to be happy, but i am left behind to deal with all this and it is so hard!!

 

 

Sorry for the rant.... just a bad day today.

[pandagirl]

Have the two of you discussed doing long distance?

 

Or was it just, he's leaving, and that's the end?

[purplehouse]

Hey, yeah we did. A few years ago he did a 2 year long distance relationship. It was 300km and they saw eachother every weekend. he said that was hard enough.

 

He will be 1800km away and i highly doubt i'd see him more than once a month or so maybe less.... i don't think i could handle it and he said he'd find it very hard also. I am sure if i said i really wanted to try it he would do it, but i don't think i'd be any good at long distance.

 

He does want to stay in contact though and all that....

[nowomanocry]

Hiya Purple

 

Sad to hear how things are going for ya hun

 

To give you my honest opinion, from the way things are going you two are gonna end up in an LDR which will be the end of all

 

I have had a very much similar situation (though ours was a 4 h plane flight lol) despite all our efforts we were able to carrry the relationship on for 3 years and despite all the love we felt for each other it came to an end unfortunately. In addition to the disadvantages of an LDR relationship you have a child to care for from your ex (my ex had 4 from her former bloke) We couldnt meet up due to him being an a.....e and not having the kids as promised / or frequent enough etc.

 

My humble advice would be talk to him, get everything out of your chest, show your willingness and the rest ... leave it to the flow of time

 

Good luck mate!

[purplehouse]

Well after tears and a bit of a blow up last night over everything we finally got everything out in the open and have decided to try long distance.....

 

We don't want it to end..... he didn't think i would want to do LDR and so he didn't push me for it. But he is really happy i want to and even though it will be hard having him in my life still is so important and ending this is too hard.

He will be alone up north in a new place, new job, it's a very small town. I am possibly moving to my mums for 6 months while i study. So we will have eachother for support and will have our visits to look forward too as well. We both agree this could be a positive thing to do.

 

 

We've made no promises. If it doesn't work due to the distance then fair enough but at least we'll have tried.

 

 

Plane trips are only 120 dollars one way and 2 hours. We will still be in the same state.... who knows what will happen but i love him and am willing to do this.

 

thankyou for your support......