How do I return the money I borrowed from him when I'm doing N/C?

[Sassygirl2]

I owe my ex bf a few hundred dollars and need to pay it back to him in cash. He told me he needed some "space' a few weeks ago and I am doing N/C. For some stupid reason I am worried that he will think I am not going to pay him back. How do I get the $ to him without seeing him? I know I could send a money order through the mail but he is not good about retrieving his mail (leaves it in the box for a week at a time) and I want to make sure he gets the money.

 

I was thinking of sending it Fed. Ex. overnight? I want to put a note inside saying "Thank you" for the loan but I don't want him to think I'm trying to get him back or something.

 

Any ideas??

[TaraMaiden]

It depends on how far away he lives.

You could ask a friend to drop it off to him, simply telling him "*Sassygirl* says here's the money she owes you."

 

Jeesh, why does everything have to drip with drama, hidden meaning and subtle messages?

 

It's really not difficult.

If you don't want him to read anything into it, then stop reading things into it yourself.

All you want to do is give the money back.

so just do it.

 

Simple, really.

[pureinheart]

Do you guys have mutual friends? If so, can you give it to the friend?

 

You know, I would screw the NC and give it to him and then take off.....

 

Some people would be freaking out about money owed...man I screwed up, my ex-fiancee was like way cool with money, in fact money was never an object with me or my kids (I made good money too, although he would never let me spend it)...he really wanted to take care of me financially and otherwise...the financial aspect for a man is a big deal and he felt that was very important.

 

Get this...I was moving out and he had paid two of my bills (we were breaking up) so I took his checks out and paid them myself because I didn't feel it was right for him to pay them, especially with us breaking up....

 

Get this...he got pissed when he saw his checks on his desk, wondering why I would not let him pay them!!!!!!!!

 

This to me shows a lot about a person as I have been with some very cheap men since then....that have also been cheap with their feeling too....

[pureinheart]

(((((Tara)))))

 

I didnot copy you....lol...!!!!! I walked away and did a couple of things, came back and finished the reply....

[Sassygirl2]

Thanks for the advice. Yes, it is simple and that's why I want to do it right. I don't want to go to his house or work to drop it off. I could have a friend drop it off for me but he doesn't know any of my friends. I know I'm thinking this way too much. He dumped me, and he's an ***hole but the fact remains that I need to get the $ to him somehow. I guess I'll call him and tell him that I have his money and how should I get it to him? I know he will want to meet me somewhere. I was just trying to avoid that. It hurts to see him and pretend everything is OK.

[Yogio]

Post it this is what my gf done to me and she did it by recorded delivery so i could not say she did not send it so she says even though i did not ask for it back.

 

she thinks im a compleat jerk and she is right i am a jerk who messed up every thing

[Ilovecake]

I owe my ex bf a few hundred dollars and need to pay it back to him in cash. He told me he needed some "space' a few weeks ago and I am doing N/C. For some stupid reason I am worried that he will think I am not going to pay him back. How do I get the $ to him without seeing him? I know I could send a money order through the mail but he is not good about retrieving his mail (leaves it in the box for a week at a time) and I want to make sure he gets the money.

 

I was thinking of sending it Fed. Ex. overnight? I want to put a note inside saying "Thank you" for the loan but I don't want him to think I'm trying to get him back or something.

 

Any ideas??

 

mail it back, no note. you did your part, it's out of your hands. if he doesn't get his mail for a week or two that's his problem not yours.

[biqboy42o]

Mail it. Postal check. No need to write any sentences or a thank you. Done|.

[Ilovecake]

I guess I'll call him and tell him that I have his money and how should I get it to him? I know he will want to meet me somewhere. I was just trying to avoid that. It hurts to see him and pretend everything is OK.

 

You are so NOT trying to avoid that. You have at least ten other ways to get the money to him besides calling and you know this. Sounds like you're just looking for a way to talk to him and you want us to tell you it's OK to do. No matter what advice we give you you'll still call him.

[sunrae]

You are so NOT trying to avoid that. You have at least ten other ways to get the money to him besides calling and you know this. Sounds like you're just looking for a way to talk to him and you want us to tell you it's OK to do. No matter what advice we give you you'll still call him.

 

Dang, Ilovecake, speak the truth why dont ya? lol.. you are so right though.

 

Sassygirl2,

I agree with all the options other people have given you EXCEPT your own about calling him.. IF you TRUELY dont want to see him then dont call him... If you want cash handed to hime then have a friend do it. It doesnt matter if your ex knows your freind or not, they can go up to his door and hand him an envelope and walk away, park down the road so he doesnt see you. I know I would do that for a friend if needed.

And again like Ilovecake said, his fault he doesnt check his mail if you mail him a money order.

[biqboy42o]

You are so NOT trying to avoid that. You have at least ten other ways to get the money to him besides calling and you know this. Sounds like you're just looking for a way to talk to him and you want us to tell you it's OK to do. No matter what advice we give you you'll still call him.

 

You're rioght, but everybody has gone through this or have actually done it. Nothing new here.

[Ilovecake]

You're rioght, but everybody has gone through this or have actually done it. Nothing new here.

 

Very true and the only thing that sometimes works is harsh reality and I tend to call 'em as I see 'em. I'm sorry if I'm coming off mean and rude but seriously, whose eyes is the author of this thread trying to pull the wool over? She's lying to herself and she's lying to people here by asking for advice that she’s not going to consider. Her post is transparent because we've all been there and done that. We’ve all posted something just to get validation that what we are doing the right thing. Calling him if you’re trying to keep NC is the wrong thing and she knows this because she typed it herself, so really she’s just wasting everyone’s time by asking about it and typing a bunch of excuses for why she's not willing to take care of this in the smartest way possible which would be to mail the money.

[Sassygirl2]

Ilovecake: You are right. I DO want to call and see him and KNOW giving him the money myself will allow me to do this. I am struggling with the NC thing as lots of us do and I don't doubt that you have too at some point.

 

I am not trying to waste anyone's time......just wanted to see if someone had a creative idea other than mailing it. I thought the whole idea of this community was to write about our issues and offer advice? Not shoot someone down because they are wishy-washy about N/C.

[skydiveaddict]

Ilovecake: You are right. I DO want to call and see him and KNOW giving him the money myself will allow me to do this. I am struggling with the NC thing as lots of us do and I don't doubt that you have too at some point.

 

I am not trying to waste anyone's time......just wanted to see if someone had a creative idea other than mailing it. I thought the whole idea of this community was to write about our issues and offer advice? Not shoot someone down because they are wishy-washy about N/C.

 

 

 

You can wire him the money (even do it online) thru western union or a similar money-transfer company.

NC is tough I'm doing it right now too. Hang tough. You're doing well.

[threebyfate]

NC isn't a do or die scenario like breaking cult rules.

 

You decide which is more important to you, whether you need this contact or not. I've noticed that the people who break NC, here and there, appear to be the ones who recover the fastest. Reason being is that it's like a dose of reality from the ex, why you went NC in the first place, since the exes are usually at their worst due to the breakage of the love goggles.

 

And IMO, I would return the money, ASAP, in whatever manner you want to, so you can cleanly cut the cord.

[Ilovecake]

Ilovecake: You are right. I DO want to call and see him and KNOW giving him the money myself will allow me to do this. I am struggling with the NC thing as lots of us do and I don't doubt that you have too at some point.

 

I am not trying to waste anyone's time......just wanted to see if someone had a creative idea other than mailing it. I thought the whole idea of this community was to write about our issues and offer advice? Not shoot someone down because they are wishy-washy about N/C.

 

Actually I never struggled with NC, from day one I never initiated contact with my ex however he did and it only made things worse for him. I thought about picking up the phone but my pride always stopped me from doing so. Anyways that’s besides the point.

I wasn't shooting you down but honesty goes a long way. Look at how many people start threads saying openly that they want to break NC and either ask for an opinion or ask to be talked down. They don’t beat around the bush with excuses for breaking NC.

You asked how you should handle the situation and people actually took the time out of their day to read your story and give you very good advice and then you said well I’m going to call him. So why even bother starting a thread if you are already determined to do something? Unless you want validation that calling him will accomplish something when in reality you know it wont. Because the people here have had a lot of experience with NC they will tell you the honest truth and that is that no good comes from breaking it.

I know your heart is broken and you’re hurting but babying you right now will only make the healing process that much longer. You have to be prepared to hear straightforward advice that might hurt but that will help you in the long run.

[EYECANDY000]

Text him and ask if there is a mutual place where you can meet him at. That way you won't get tempted to go inside his home. And all the feelings start up again.

 

I am in the same situation with my ex. My friend stated that I shouldn't give him the money because we were in a relationship and money flowed between the both of us. I think its wrong since it was agreed that it was a loan. Anyways, don't send a note, if you decide to send it fed ex. Just be done with it.

[sunrae]

Ilovecake: You are right. I DO want to call and see him and KNOW giving him the money myself will allow me to do this. I am struggling with the NC thing as lots of us do and I don't doubt that you have too at some point.

 

I am not trying to waste anyone's time......just wanted to see if someone had a creative idea other than mailing it. I thought the whole idea of this community was to write about our issues and offer advice? Not shoot someone down because they are wishy-washy about N/C.

 

What you feel is 100% understandable.

I used every excuse in the book at one time a few years ago, when things ended between and ex and I to see him. I would "accidentally forget" to bring him something when we would met to return our things, so I would have an excuse to see him again. The problem was, it would always set me back. I would leave the meetings upset and crying.

 

Your not wasting anyones time, you are correct about asking for advise and that is what you are doing. What I may do may not be right for someone else's situation.

 

I guess most of us (like me) have been in your same situation and it's never ended on a good note, feelings get hurt again. As long as you are realistic, and know things might not go good, he may say something hurtful, not say anything at all, be cold towards you, then go ahead with the meeting and return the money. Just be realistic and be prepared for the worst.

[Sassygirl2]

Thanks Sunrae and EyeCandy! The encouragement helps. I know in my heart it's over and am doing fairly well after a few weeks. I sent him a text to meet at a Starbucks and I will return the $. I know he will be nice to me because that's his way and he wants to be friends.....(and wants his $ I'm sure!)

 

I also know that after I leave I will probably cry on the way home not because I want him back, but because it's over. Thanks again.