koala Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 (edited) So I am in need of some advice. When I was 17, I met my ex fiance. We talked for about 7 months before finally starting a relationship around my 18th birthday. We had a very intense relationship, but it was long distance. We got engaged and planned on getting married, but the strain of being apart proved too much for us at such a young age and we broke up. Since then, I had another serious boyfriend who I dated for 2 and a half years. While I did love him, I never felt as strongly as I did for my ex fiance. I thought about him often and really tried to recreate the strong love we had for each other with my new boyfriend but couldn't. I decided to break up with him and have not felt sad over the decision or missed him. My ex fiance has also had a serious relationship that lasted almost 2 years, but they recently broke up. It has been three years and I am still in love with my ex fiance. He recently got in contact with me, making me miss him more. We started talking and he told me he still had not gotten over me either. He told me how he would check up on me every once and a while, seeing what my new boyfriend had that he didn't. He started getting very intense with me over a period of a few days and talking about the future he wants with me. However, he got freaked out by how deeply he felt in such a short period of time. He was very confused having just gotten out of a relationship, so I decided to give him some space. We just started talking again a little bit tonight. How do I approach this with him? He obviously still has feelings for me, but I don't want to scare him away. I think that we have both learned a lot about ourselves and have fixed the problems that caused our breakup. I really would like to be with him, but I don't know how to go about it without getting too involved too quickly. Thanks for any advice. Edited February 22, 2010 by koala
Ronni_W Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I think you're wise to have decided to give him time and space, and be patient while he sorts out his thoughts and feelings about his recent ex. However, he got freaked out by how deeply he felt in such a short period of time. When you find an appropriate time, ask him something like, "I'm a little confused that you said you were feeling deeply after 'such a short period of time' because we've actually known each other for # years...to me that's not really a short time. Would you mind explaining what you meant, please?" You guys have a much longer history that would naturally be part of any deep current-day feelings...it's kind of impossible to separate. He seems not to be taking the history into account, so you need to help him to do that but without freaking him out even more. If this is the prob, asking a question that will make him think about it and help him "figure it out for himself" could be what is needed to move things forward a step.
Author koala Posted February 22, 2010 Author Posted February 22, 2010 When I said in such a short period of time, I was referring to the day or so it took to have all his old feelings for me rush back to him. We had little to no contact for the past three years and I suppose he thought he was farther along in getting over me than he was in reality. Once we started talking again it was like we had never stopped.
Recommended Posts