pinkrocks Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 Hi everyone! My name is Amanda, and I just joined the forums. I am in desperate need of some help, or friendly unbiased advice. Just to tell you a little about myself and my boyfriend for some info: I am 23 years old, living in Tennessee. I am a college graduate and I work for a department store as a Bridal Consultant. I live in a nice apartment near work, and with me are my kitties, and my boyfriend, Michael. Michael is 25, currently unemployed (his job layed him off), and we are practically kindred spirits. We share the same preferences in food, music, decor, choice of pets, goals in life, video games, views on life and death. It is amazing, and at first I was swept off my feet by this man. We have been together for six months, and gradually, our sex life has been dwindling down to nothing. Maybe I'm panicking over nothing, but it breaks my heart because I just think, "What is wrong with me?" I feel so lonely, even though he is with me. Basically, we went from having sex every day, to going for two months now without anything more than playful groping or cuddling. I have sought advice from friends, and have had some silly answers. Michael is African American, I am Caucasian. Some think that is a factor but I do not believe so. I have asked him repeatedly on so many occasions what can I do, or what is wrong, and he never has an answer for me. It usually results in a horrible fight that leaves him heading for the door and me on the floor crying. I've asked him to read books on the subject with me, and he refuses. I've tried romancing him, no luck. I know he isn't cheating because we are together 90% of the time. I just don't know what to do, and it's tearing me up inside. I apologize for the new post, because I've read so many on the same subject. Every situation is different though, and I'd appreciate any advice you all may have. I love this man, but living the rest of my life without having sex seems... just scary. I'd do it, because I love this man, but I'd rather not have to let it come to that. Thank you all so much!
SoleMate Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 First of all, please read The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis. I know you're not married, but still, she explains EVERY single one of the MANY possible causes. In you case, I think that emotional issues are likely. Your bf may be down because of unemployment and discouragement. If so, the best remedy is finding a job, so he really should make that his priority...probably even over the r/s for a while. M 2c.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I'm curious about the timing between when he got laid off, and when the sex slow-down began. Could it be a case of someone who doesn't feel as masculine when he isn't the provider that he always envisioned himself being to a lover?
BB07 Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I suspect that him being laid off has a whole lot to do with it. A lot of men and women also feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath them and it affects everything including sex drive.
St. Nick Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I'm curious, how long have you two been together? I also advice you to not read any books about relationships. It's 2010 and people are still reading books on how to date? Sheesh.
boogieboy Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 You cant be together 90% of the time when youre at work 8 hours a day. Your ethnicity has nothing to do with it, but either he is out getting some strange when youre nott home, or you are together too often and he lost his attraction to you. Its possible that he is a little depressed about not working. I suggest you stay as far away from him as you can for a while. Go out with friends at night, find things to do by yourself and give him some room. Stop cuddling with him, stop asking him whats wrong, stop nagging him about it. let him come to you, let him miss you. Dont be surprised if this is the beginning of the end for your relationship.
paddington bear Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 I'm guessing that the being made unemployed has a lot to do with it too - this happens a lot with men. They feel like a failure and their sex drive takes a nose dive. I'm betting that this coincided with his lack of interest. If that is the case you'll need to figure out how to counteract it. I guess if that is the cause he'll need to feel somehow worthwhile again outside of the bedroom.
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