her friend crossed the line

[King11]

Ok first post been reading this site for a while! it's very helpful especially from what ive seen so hopefully I can get some advice from you all

 

how it started:

 

my wifes has had a best friend since she was 10, when i first met her and we started dating, engaged and eventually married she was not in the picture at all so (a best friend who she hasnt seen for years at this point) now due to some visa problems she had to go back overseas and instead of staying with one of her parents she chose to move in with her(bestfriend) which I thought wouldnt be a bad idea.

 

since we were communicating alot through IM I get a IM from the wifey saying ''oh you've forgotten about me already'' and ended up being accussed of cheating and so on we ended up in a huge argument then suddenly she says ''hey hun im back whats going on?''

her 'best friend' got on her IM account and started an argument with me accused me of cheating and so forth even though Im a loyal person who has never cheated on her shes my world the love of my life and not worth losing, I have NEVER IN MY LIFE met her 'best friend' or seen her with my own two eyes.

Now while we were waiting for visa stuff to go through we had a fairly reasonable chance that she wouldn't be able to get it however thanks to god and the goverment she did so as the wifey is happy and tells the friend her news, she gets ''upset and angry and she said she was hoping the visa got denied"

 

now as i said this friend in my eyes has been trying to get inbetween us for some time now (coming close to 7-8 months since we've been apart)

 

little backstory on the friend

married

argues alot with husband (from what ive been told)

moody personality (seems to me she gets upset when she sees my wifey happy)

 

Im not sure how to handle this situation to be honest I have to accept her family that comes with marriage but I don't and shouldn't have to accept her friend whos been doing nothing but causing problems, and had nothing to do with us when we first started our realtionship together.

I need to stress i dont have any problems with my amazing wife she is perfect for me (she is equally happy) however her friend and her constant negative **** that shes trying to bring (and the fact she accused me of cheating when she doesnt know me, nor has anything that suggests that) really annoys me.

 

She knows I do not like her friend, only after this incedent happened before then I told her Im willing to help get her a ticket to come see you (keep inmind i never seen her apart from photos)

 

Do i make her choose between us?

let it be?

im just not sure what to do.

 

 

- personally if one of my friends got on my account and spoke like that to my wife they would not be a friend anymore and would of probly left with a kick out the door.

 

she said that she ''told her off'' but I believe she crossed the line.. way too far.

 

please any help or advice is very much appreciated

[Ronni_W]

Yes, her friend acted inappropriately. If it happens again that she gets on IM with you, just sign off. Do not engage in stupid conversations with her.

 

But there's not much else you can do right now, really. I would suggest: Don't badmouth the friend to your wife, don't ask about the friend, don't say anything else about plane tickets. (You can straighten that out once your wife gets home.)

 

Rather than defend yourself against unfounded accusations, ask your wife where she is getting these thoughts, what makes her think you don't miss her and love her, and would be unfaithful to her, etc. Ask her if you two can save that particular conversation for when she gets back because you're finding it hard enough being apart from her and it's just stressing you out and making you very sad, and you feel helpless because you cannot assure her in person that you are not cheating on her, that you love her, that you miss her.

[King11]

thanks

 

at the time it was hard to tell who was on her IM so i thought i was speaking to my wife when infact it was her 'best friend'

 

Like i said in the post above; she is a old friend of hers from young years who hasnt been incontact or close to for quite sometime and has in my opinion been trying to get inbetween us now obviously I can't tell her who to have for friends(i use this term loosely)

but should I tell her to slowly break contact off with her since she has already shown how she is towards me(us being together and her happy)

 

She will be back in 8 days Im hoping to have this conversation after dinner the day she returns I need to talk about it asap!

 

What started it was MSN messenger, my friend and I kept missing each other and it was regarding tennis I had ''Jelena is wayyyyy better'' in regards to him saying "Dokic sucks compared to Davenport"

her friend jumped to this conclusion and started the issue.

 

I can't wait till she's home!

 

just unsure how to handle the situation of this friend in our life.. thoughts?

[Ronni_W]

just unsure how to handle the situation of this friend in our life.. thoughts?

I'd suggest just focus on keeping your marriage loving and supportive -- be the best husband you can be -- express your love and appreciation often, romance your wife with 'date nights' and thoughtful gestures, etc.

 

Hopefully the "friend" will just fade into the background once your wife is back in your loving embrace

 

To me. I wouldn't start off your wife's return with some big, negative conversation -- after dinner, rush her straight into the bedroom.

 

Change your goal from "needing to talk about the friend's garbage" to something more inspirational for you, your wife and your marriage -- "wanting to let your wife know how much you missed her, and love, treasure and appreciate her." Yes?

[King11]

yea you're right Im letting this bitch of a friend get to me!

 

i spoke with someone else today regarding it and they said to not worry about her, after her welcome home which is a get away for us on the coast for 3 days and then a weekend and home relaxing with a night out on the town where i can wine and dine her and do exactly as you said show her how much Ive missed my angel

 

I just dont want this friend involved since in our life I can't forgive someone who trys to take away the most important thing from me without proof nor knowing me(it hurts cause im a loyal person and havent cheated in my life)

 

I think we will just have a talk about it, how i feel about it and so on a little later on(a week or two) and see what she says hopefully she can see where im coming from and understand! (she should im the husband damnit )

 

thanks ronni

shes back home in 6 days!!!

[Jeff1962]

So called best friends usually have a way of working their own way out of peoples lives. I would have shown my wife the text.