cat Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 but DANG sometimes it's hard to do it on your own. I met a guy a few months ago that seemed great-- same values as me, liked his family, wants the same things from life, etc. We got along well and enjoyed each other's company and we were in a pretty good relationship... I thought. Seriously, I liked most everything about being with him. The one difference is that I'm pretty warm and affectionate and he is NOT. Doesn't touch me spontaneously or use kind words. It's hard for me to deal with that and I have expressed that to him in non-attacking, "I feel..." statements, asking him if he could be a little warmer. Side note-- I am not huge into valentine's day, so I thought I would let him know that it would be totally OK with me if we just said Happy V Day to one another and spent some quality time together... like to give him a heads up as to where I was and to take some pressure off. I checked it out with my guy friends and they said they'd appreciate hearing it... This is where it gets dicey... We had agreed that we were exclusive and that we would stop signing on to the online dating site. Last monday, things felt "off" to me so I checked to see if he'd been signing on... (I had notbeen checkingup on him before.) He was still signing on. I called him to basically tell him that it wasn't OK with me that he was still signing on, and he said he was just making sure his subscription was cancelled! On some levels I believe that... he was just so cold during the conversation, such a jerk. THEN he didn't talk to me at ALL untli Friday (where we had been communicating every day). I mean, flat out ignored me. Then he sent me an email that basically said that he was tired of me telling him what to do and that he had WANTED to be more affectionate but he HADN'T BEEN becuase i had already TOLD him what to do! Then he mentioned that he was mad about Valentine's day and that i had "told" him what to do beforehand. I replied with a calm email (that's my nature) that said "wow, i''m surprised to hear this. Wasn't my intention at all..." etc. etc. and I got a less-mean emal back that still blamed me for his actions and at the same time tried to pretend nothing had happened. I feel totally shut down and shot down. I mean, his actions aren't my fault! We're all grown ups. I'm disturbed by the strength of his anger and how defensive he was, how he would stew about something for a month and not tell me, then get mad (this is our first conflict) and ignore me for four days, then answer with a nasty email. And, not to mention fail to apologize or acknowledge his role. OK... I KNOW I should walk away and not look back. I know it. There is so much I like about him, and I'm so confused about how this could have gotten so weird about this one little thing. Walking away is hard. I need some strength and support I guess, as well as some insight if anyone has any! Not wanting to contact him is hard, and not missing him is hard, and it's hard to not be sad about the times with him I was looking forward to.
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