Who cries and says things like this?

[AgeOfUninnocence]

Just wanted to say that I've been reading these LS boards for a while and decided to join. Lots of great people and advice here!

 

So, my boyfriend broke up with me, and though I'm starting to come to terms with it, I'm really confused by some of the things he said during it and was wondering if you guys had any input?

 

We'd been in a relationship for 9 months, but before that we'd been friends for about 7 months, steadily becoming closer and becoming best friends. We were in a long distance relationship, and one morning he called me up and said "I can't be in this relationship anymore" then broke down and started sobbing. I should add that this is a guy who never cries; the only times he had before was during a family issue a couple years prior and then when we had to leave each other to go to college. I was completely shocked at this, because the night before we had been fine with each other and saying I love you, planning my trip to come visit him in the next week, and then this came out of nowhere. He said the cause of the break up was the distance, that it hurt him too much not to see me all the time. I said it would be okay, we would see each other soon, and he just kept crying and saying, "I'm so sorry!" and "I really don't want to do this" in regards to having to break up with me. He also said, "If I could feel the same way about you that I did, then I would." And of course, there was the usual 'let's be friends' line, only he said, "I know people always say this, but I really, really mean it when I say I wanna be your friend."

 

So eventually I said I had to go and we didn't talk to each other the rest of the day. The next day I texted him asking if we could talk, and he called me. We had a bit of closure, and he repeated a lot of the same things from the time before, but without the tears. He also reinforced really meaning he wants to be friends, and how he still wants to hang out just like old times. I asked him if it would be okay if I called two days later, and he said that was fine. I also talked to some mutual friends, and they said that he was really afraid about hurting me and that when he talked to them, you could tell he felt like he was gonna be attacked.

 

Well, two days later I'd done some major breakup therapy and decided instead of calling him I would just start NC without telling him. It's been 11 days and I have not contacted him, and nor has he contacted me.

 

So what on earth does this mean? The obvious answer is he's broken up and is moving on, but who cries like that and begs me to still be his friend, then makes no contact? Could he be afraid, or is he really just over it?

Edited February 21, 2010 by AgeOfUninnocence

[The Paper Knight]

I hate it when someone cries when they are dumping you. They are called 'crocodile tears' and are usually caused by their own guilty feelings.

 

The tears can be quite confusing for the dumpee and hard to detect as genuine especially when the rhetoric is conflicted and has 'I still love you, blah, blah and lets be friends' attached to them.

 

Good work on going NC, his excuse sounds totally inadequate and immature. Keep it up!

[AgeOfUninnocence]

Thing is though, I really do feel like he meant the tears, and they sounded genuine. We're also in a LDR, 2 hours, and was going one of the longest duration of times we've gone without seeing each other. During this time, there were a couple parties he went to and got real messed up with, and a story of a girl who flirted with him, but he disregarded it, telling his shocked friends, "Well, I have a girlfriend."

 

So I'm thinking that perhaps he really didn't want to do it, but because of pressure from his friends and the need to have someone he can see everyday so it doesn't hurt, he decided to break up and that it'd be easier to be with someone at his school?