I know better but stop me

[RockGuy87]

I need some help. Sry this is long but i really need to vent...Its almost been 2 months since my ex girlfriend left me. She told me she wasnt IN love with me anymore and that we were starting to feel like friends to her. We were together for 3 years. i cant seem to get her out of my mind, i try to consume myself with doing other things but then i just think of her while doing them and get distracted. Its dragging me down and I hate it. Im getting bad grades in school now because when i sit down to study she is all i can think about.

 

I just hate that my life is in a downward spiral and she seems to have totally forgoten that i even exist.

 

I havent talked to her in about a week and Im doing NC. Ive been trying NC for awhile now and in the past would make it for like 2 weeks and then something would come up. But i think everything is dealed with that we can now go NC for good.

 

It kills me how we use to be soo important to each other and then now she isnt. I know thats the truth but gah dang its soo hard to accept that she is now like this. I know she will never come back but i want her to sooo badly it hurts. We had our problems but i still believe we loved each other deeply.

 

She was my first love. I lost my virginity to her and she was my longest relationship by a loooooong shot. I had never experienced what i did with her with anyone else. and i find myself stuck in that mindset that I wont ever find the happiness me and her had again. I feel like i will never find someone who will out do her...she had everything i wanted but then yes some things i didnt (she was controlling, she always rubbed money in my face and other things that made me feel worthless). I hate that i feel this way and i am 19. She is 22. Ive knew her for many years before we started dating and were just friends and then out of no where one night this spark went off between us, i never thought that feeling ever existed and idk if ill ever find it again. I have never had someone care about me as much as she did and i just hate feeling like i never will.....I miss her so much

 

Its just a constant battle because i keep wanting to contact her but i refuse to because it makes me feel worse and makes me look weak even though i am. but still even though i know not to, the feeling of me wanting to call her sometimes overwhelms the consequences.

 

The whole saying about distance make the heart grow fonder is happening to me, not her....Each day i miss her more and more and realize how much she actually really meant to me. We both began losing that in the last 6 months of our relationship, just wish it was happening to her also.

Edited February 21, 2010 by RockGuy87

[ducknrun]

This just sucks plain and simple. I am sorry

 

I can understand your situation because it sounds so similar to mine. You committed mind body and soul to this relationship and in the end you’re alone. You gave everything but are still alone in the end.

 

In the end you are better off this way now then later. It hurts, you’re allowed to hurt, cry, scream, hate etc... You can feel anyway you need to. It good to vent even on here, but don't contact her. You will feel there is always hope if you do but in the end you will feel worse after contacting .

[RockGuy87]

Just hate how one day she can tell me she loves me and then the next she can tell me we are over with. It sucks. BIG TIME. But i am glad that it happens now than later. We planned on getting married and having a family. She use to ask me almost everyday when i was going to propose to her. Im thankful she did this now instead of when there were kids, a house, cars, and all other kinds of stuff involved. Just please tell me im crazy for thinking i will never be that happy again....I hate that im doing this to myself. Im sitting her thinking of everything i did wrong and should have changed but I know that she did the same amount of wrong if not more. So ill be glad when i stop glorifying her and realize how much better off i actually am without her. But i dont think ill truly see that until someone better comes along.

[Eisenhower]

Every word of your post could have been written by me, so understand that it's normal to feel like you'll never find love, or anyone better, again. I'm going through the same thing.

 

So, think about it this way - it stands to reason that if feeling this way is normal, than it's also not rational, because virtually everyone gets dumped at one point or another in their life, and virtually everyone goes on to love again. However, I know it's hard to be rational at a time like this when you're hurting.

 

Just hang in there, that's all I can say. I'm trying to do the same. There is no such thing as "one perfect person for each of us" ... the notion of "soul mates" is simply romantic dreaming. There are plenty of girls out there who are just as good or better than your ex who will love you as much or more. You just have to give it time.

 

I'm sorry for your pain.

 

Eisenhower

[ducknrun]

Just please tell me im crazy for thinking i will never be that happy again....I hate that im doing this to myself.

 

You are crazy for think that. The way you think also has a bearing on how you feel. Think good feel good.

 

So ill be glad when i stop glorifying her and realize how much better off i actually am without her. But i dont think ill truly see that until someone better comes along.

 

You don't have to have another women come along for you to feel better. Get back out and do things you used to do. Things that interested you and you had fun. Join clubs, exersice volunteer what ever you enjoy. I no it seems it will be easier to find someone else but ur not over the first one so most likely your just going to end up hurting yourself or her. Be confident in yourself love who you are as a person.

[LBCBADBOY]

Remain strong bro...do not break NC. I know the feel and I'm going through a second heart break with the ex. Part of it is my fault and I am working on fixing myself first before I start dating or going into another relationship. Just be a better person and grow yourself first.

[RockGuy87]

Thanks for the help guys. Its just anytime i try to do something for myself or go out with friends, shes still all i think about. Im constantly wondering where she is and who she is with. Even though im pretty sure shes out at bars or parties with guys, it ****ing hurts. I gave up pretty much all my friends while me and her were together, i did and she didnt. It was my fault but i fell so hard for her i never wanted to hang out with anyone but her. It sucks ass wanting someone soo badly that use to want u just as bad. I mean its like a slap in the face and idk what the hell happened. How can she not feel that way? I mean how can she not reflect back on the amazing times we had? How can she so easily bypass all of those?

[ducknrun]

Dude I am right there with you. My girlfriend/fiancé was my first for everything (and I mean everything). My relationship was about 4 years long, almost 2 of those engaged and we have a son together. She cheated on me yet I let her back in because I felt the same way about her as you do your ex. Nothing happened over the course of a year and finally I had to ask her to leave. It’s only harder now to recover but I know there's an end somewhere.

 

You need to exercise. Go to the gym run, lift whatever but concentrate on that and nothing else. Free up your mind of any thoughts of her as much as possible. People like you that care too much are the ones getting hurt. It's true what they say "nice guys do finish last" at least that the way I feel for now.

 

She probably does, she just doesn't show it like you do. Do you sometimes think of ways that you can hurt her back? Because you think she’s not upset?

 

A different option

 

From what I can tell because I thought the same way as you, you obviously only want to be with her and there’s nothing wrong with that but it will take time. Every person is different. Some want attention some need space. She might have to date a couple of guys to realize what she had with you. I think only then should you take her back, because now it won’t be good. I know you probably don't want to be alone or are scared of being alone... possible (I was), but there is more our there.

[ducknrun]

Here was my story about the same time 1 year ago if you want to compare. I think you will find it pretty close...

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t180180/

Edited February 22, 2010 by ducknrun
miss spelling

[RockGuy87]

It just sucks that she seems soooo happy. I mean that makes me feel so worthless as a persona and a lover. That she is now happier without me in her life? I mean that cuts deep. How a few days before she ended it she was telling me she loved me but now she is happy without me? Will she ever get out of this happy party craze and will it hit her that she messed up? I hope when she gets partied out she actually takes the time to realize what it truly is like without me there, she dont see it now because she is constantly out at bars and **** having a blast. She starts law school next fall and she is going to try and work also, so i know she will have zero free time. This is when i think it will hit her, i stayed with her through all of the busy times for her and just sat at her place in silence while she studied just so we could see each other. So i hope this comes back to bite her in the ass. But luckly for me, im not waiting that long.

[ussy]

Dudeeeee im in the same position. Me and my ex were together for 3 years aswell, and its been 2 months since we broke up 2!!!! Arghhh mine and your story is identical lol... i was a bit controlling too For the first month i was begging for her back (BIG MISTAKE) and then after that i went no contact for 15 days until my stupid buddy messed it up for me. He told her on MSN that i was dying without her, and so i ended up contacting her and im just back to where i was when i first got dumped. Trust me, dont break NC! Because if break it, its sooooo much harder to do it again because when you hear your ex's voice it'll just make you go crazy and you will die to get in contact with her..... just dont make the mistakes i did, hope it works out for you dude

[RockGuy87]

Its good to know that there are others like me....But let me ask this...Is there hope for us? I know ill find someone else EVENTUALLY but....Will anything ever compare to the happiness i had with her? Will anything ever out do her? Right now it seems like its impossible....

[ducknrun]

It probably seems that way because this is the biggest thing going on in your life. There could be hope is she loved you but it seems she she’s immature and wants to party instead.

 

Will anything ever out do her...? Yes

 

Right now it does seem impossible because you’re still healing. You first need to heal before you can move on. At least in my case I tried to early and ended up hurting a nice girl...

[RockGuy87]

Thanks bro..helps out a lot. So how are things still going with u? Any tips u can give me?