terra Posted February 21, 2010 Posted February 21, 2010 I'm not sure I ever want to get married, not that I don't want to find someone to settle down with but I don't really see the point of getting married. It just seems like a lot of effort and money and nothing in my life would change. It's not like it's 50 years ago when we wouldn't have sex or live together before marriage. Couples have kids all the time and don't get married. What's the advantage? What are your thoughts? I think it's way overrated.
thegreatesthumphrey Posted February 22, 2010 Posted February 22, 2010 The majority of states give no rights to the father if a child is born out of wedlock. That seems all fine now that you are together, but if you were to split...... he may never get to see his child depending on your actions or he will have to go through hell just to be able to. Wait.. I have more! If you or he were to get in a serious accident resulting in a coma or the inability to handle medical situations on your own....... you or he would not be able to make those decisions... it would fall into your own families hand's. (example a long term comma and the family wants to pull the plug, but you dont want them to... there is nothing you can do about it.) There are technically to me no differences in the everyday life or I mean advatages. Do what makes you happy, but it makes a MAJOR difference when it comes to the laws in rare but EXTREMELY IMPORTANT situations. Also, there are so many divorces these days (seems almost inevitable, I hate it), but they have a reason: to divide assets and debts along with custody fairly. Marriage states you did things together for a certain amount of time, then divorce distributes it. If you have never been married, but say spent ten years together... you have the possibility of losing EVERYTHING you have gained in that time in your life, or you have the possiblity of him losing everything. And, dont fool yourself If you are thinking "that will never happen to us, we will have a friendly mutual break up"
fooled once Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 I'm not sure I ever want to get married, not that I don't want to find someone to settle down with but I don't really see the point of getting married. It just seems like a lot of effort and money and nothing in my life would change. It's not like it's 50 years ago when we wouldn't have sex or live together before marriage. Couples have kids all the time and don't get married. What's the advantage? What are your thoughts? I think it's way overrated. For ME, marriage is what I want. I don't want to shack of up with some guy. I want the COMMITMENT of marriage. I want the intimacy of marriage. I want the respect of marriage. I want us to know that because we are married, we will fight harder to keep our marriage; where as living together, you can just move out because there is nothing holding you together. Some may think marriage is 'just a piece of paper' and that is their perogative. That isn't my view point. I also think 2 people who are committing to have children together SHOULD get married. Having kids is a HUGE lifetime commitment. Why have them if you won't commit to each other? Many kids have a hard time with their parents not being married when they were conceived. I have a stepson whose parents ONLY got married because his mom was pregnant. He has expressed numerous times how this makes him feel.
Author terra Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 For ME, marriage is what I want. I don't want to shack of up with some guy. I want the COMMITMENT of marriage. I want the intimacy of marriage. I want the respect of marriage. I want us to know that because we are married, we will fight harder to keep our marriage; where as living together, you can just move out because there is nothing holding you together. Some may think marriage is 'just a piece of paper' and that is their perogative. That isn't my view point. I also think 2 people who are committing to have children together SHOULD get married. Having kids is a HUGE lifetime commitment. Why have them if you won't commit to each other? Many kids have a hard time with their parents not being married when they were conceived. I have a stepson whose parents ONLY got married because his mom was pregnant. He has expressed numerous times how this makes him feel. I'm not saying I don't want a commitment, I'm saying I don't want the piece of paper saying I'm married - I understand that this is important to you but it isn't to me. I agree with you 100% that marriage is what you make of it but I don't think that just because a couple is married that they are more committed to one another. My parents weren't married when I was conceived. I'm fine with it and I always have been.
CarrieT Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Terra, I have been following that line of thinking for over twenty years. I've had a number of long-term relationships and always looked at marriage as "paying the government to validate the relationship; i.e., giving us a piece of paper to say we are a couple." It is only now, as I am looking at my 50s, that I actually WANT to be married -- want someone to love and care enough for me to have the validation, for whatever it is worth. But first I have to get a date...
Author terra Posted February 23, 2010 Author Posted February 23, 2010 Terra, I have been following that line of thinking for over twenty years. I've had a number of long-term relationships and always looked at marriage as "paying the government to validate the relationship; i.e., giving us a piece of paper to say we are a couple." It is only now, as I am looking at my 50s, that I actually WANT to be married -- want someone to love and care enough for me to have the validation, for whatever it is worth. But first I have to get a date... Hey Carrie, What made you change your mind? It's not as though marriage seals the deal so to speak. The divorce rate is so high that I don't think marriage and commitment are that highly correlated. Do you think in your long term relationships your outcome would have been different if you were married? Thanks for your input!
CarrieT Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Hey Carrie, What made you change your mind? It's not as though marriage seals the deal so to speak. The divorce rate is so high that I don't think marriage and commitment are that highly correlated. Do you think in your long term relationships your outcome would have been different if you were married? Thanks for your input! I am sure that all my LTR would have ended regardless of the marriage certificate. And perhaps my reason for the change is because for so many, the certificate and the ceremony DOES mean something more stable so perhaps what I really want is just that; a relationship with a man "till death us do part." In the past, it was the men in my relationships who wanted marriage and I was the one who somehow knew it was not meant to last, so I didn't want to engage in the ritual to solemnify the relationship when I knew it was going to end at some point. I want the marriage because I want the knowledge and belief that a relationship WILL last and that is something I have not had before; the secure belief or hope of a life-long attachment.
Jersey Shortie Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Marriage isn't for everyone and that's fine. But for the peope who believe in it, it's not *just* a piece of paper. It's a sign of a level of committment the people who believe in marriage believe in and think is a valid form to express their relationship to each other and others.
PandorasBox Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 Paper or not, I truly believe some people shouldn't be married or in a committed relationship. Its for some, and others its not.
Woggle Posted February 23, 2010 Posted February 23, 2010 It would be important if it actually meant something and people were serious about the commitment behind it. Since that is not the case these days it is just a piece of paper.
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