so hurt over my civil paterners decision

[parkeruk1]

Hi,

i have written other posts but so many thoughts are going round in my head as you all understand.

its only been four days since my partner dropped the bombshell that he wants to seperate after 7 years together. He is Romainan (now British) and i am british. When we first met it was wonderful as any new love is and we became a team , travelling , etc we were almost telepathic , anyone in love will know what that is were were good for eachother. he came over here with nothing , working on a farm etc and i tried everything to get him out of there and get a job, spending money on visa applications etc, he then moved 200 miles away for work but i travelled every week getting hotels, spending lots on petrol, just to be together. his visa ran out then i went through the process of civil partnership to stay with him (i wasnt pressured as far as i know but, love pressures you into lots of things ) he had to leave UK during this process and i travelled to france to meet him there paying my fare and his. i worked it out that i must have spent nearly 50, thousand pounds over the 7 years just on travel , visas hotels, couple of holidays (my suggestion not his, he never asked for money) it was all in the name of love and keeping us together. i was there when he was rushed to hospital with appenticitus, stayed with him there for two days, i did everything.

we finally got our partnership in 2007 and he became british last autumn. i was so exstatic that we could not settle down without any more heartaches, he got a good job working very hard and all hours. and we found a flat, he used all his money and i used mine to keep the flat going and paying for our bills etc

 

he got a place in the local university and started a four year course. everything seemed great. we didnt have sex much as neither of us craved it, we were just happy an eachothers company. i am now in serious financial difficulty because of the debts acumilated over the last 7 years (and some before admittedly) and will have no choice but to go bankrupt in a few months. a few days ago he said he wants a separation, i was absolutely stunned. he said his feelings for me had changed and he thought of me more as a friend he said it started about last september but he didnt want to spoil my christmas and couldnt get the courage to tell me i was so hurt and it felt like the end of my world our lives are so intertwined that everywhere i went the last few days held some connection with him. when the dust settled a little i began to think that maybe MY love had changed too and i loved him (i do deeply) as a close friend or brother

we had a long talk yesterday and he told me he had met a guy over the last few weeks and this guy might take on our flat ( i have to give up the flat due to financial situation and my partner would have moved into single accom while i went back to my parents) and they would live together. i cannot believe this is happening to me as i thought that after all we have been through, he would stand by me, even if just as a best friend. he says hes not bothered about sex and really needs time alone to study (which i give him as i understand) so if this is the case why is he ready to move in with another guy after just a few weeks. is he using him just to stay in the flat.

i told him yesterday that i am keeping the flat for a few months but the new boyfriend is not to stay there while im away on business ( i travel a lot) and i can go to the flat whenever i want without calling him first to make sure the new bf isnt there. i dont want anyone else living there as its my responsbility. i told him that the bf would have to look for a new flat , not take on mine. my partner said thats fine but he would still then move in with him.

im in such a mess and i still love my partner dearly whether as a friend or whatever capacity, the bond is so strong. i just cant help thinking hes treated me so bad after all ive done ,( you dont get up at 5 am when you dont need to just to drive someone to work, or meet them at 4 am after a night out, if you dont love them,!!! ) and we could have sorted things out together maybe im too soft!. i am 46 and he is 27, i feel i have watched him grow up really and dont want to loose him. he says we can still meet up and go to cinema or have coffee etc or even go on holiday together. but if thats the case why cant he just stay with me!!!! as thats no different to what we have been doing the last year!!. he says its for my sake, that i can move on and find someone who can give back all the love i give out, which he is unable to do.

sorry to rant on but its good to get your feelings on paper

 

any comments would be very helpful as i am lost at the moment

[Enema]

Everyone in this story is a guy right?

 

I don't know what to tell ya, probably not a lot anyone can say to make you feel better.

 

Of course the initial thought is that he was 20 when you got together and you've been together for 7 years. I'm sure you realize that 20 is practically a boy and it's quite likely his ideas, preferences and desires have changed over that time as he's grown up.

 

I think he's trying to protect your feelings with what he's telling you - I believe he's like so many cliche'd stories of the guy dating an 18 year old girl who wants to break up to "find herself".

 

The translation is: I'm young, I want to experience other people before it's too late. Wouldn't surprise me overly much if he has felt this way for a while but held back because of the visa.

[parkeruk1]

thanks.

im going to stay at the flat tommorrow and talk some more and ask him about his true feelings. whatever he says now cant be as much of a shock i guess. i just need to clear the question that he says hes only know this new guy for a few weeks yet hes still looking for as flat with him!!!! thats a little odd to say the least. i think hes using this guy to get a flat while hes still attending college. il ask him outright.